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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've just phoned the samaritans

4 replies

TLV · 23/10/2007 09:01

I didn't know what else to do, they were really good and she did help me (dh has left me and dd) however i'm still wanting to try and he is adamant its over, he's been taken bits of clothing, left dirty washing here and not fully moved out which is why i'm getting mixed messages, I want relate but at the moment he won't, when I ask if he's sure I get yes I think so, he's still wearing his wedding ring, i really think all the arguing has made him harder to get through to, at least I know there is someone at the end of the phone on the nights i can't sleep

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 23/10/2007 09:08

At least you are getting the right kind of help.

Maybe it's time for the tables to turn on him, pack his stuff tell him you can't be doing with being in limbo and either he fully goes and lets you move on or he moves back in and goes to relate.

Then start thinking about what you want and what you need to do in order to make life bearable for you and your dd. Get as much support as you can, start having girls nights in and plan things so you take your mind off him. Be more independant and enjoy yourself and no doubt he will be chasing you again! treat yourself to a new hair cut a massage/ manicure, new clothes or whatever (doesnt need to be expensive, last week i got new jeans, a bra and a haircut for £50 and it felt amazing)

totallyfreaky · 23/10/2007 09:09

Sorry you are feeling so low, I sont know the whole story (I think I have read a thread title that is be yours) but it does sound like he knows you are there if he does change his mind, I think if you could find the courage to pack up the rest of his things, give them to him without any fuss, and tell him you eccept its over, this way if it turns out he is not sure about it being the end he we soon let you know, he may think he has all the time in the world, as he knows he has you hanging by a thread.

StaryNightSky · 23/10/2007 09:20

Hi TLV

I read your other thread. Sorry you are feeling so low at the moment but total understandable.

Your really can't keep living like this. Your DH needs to stop treating you like a washing service and storage unit.

Set him a deadline to have his stuff moved out, alternatively pack his stuff and have it ready for him the next time he comes round.

He clearly is giving out mixed signals and you can't carry on not knowing where you stand.

I'm sorry if this is not want you to hear. I do hope that you and your DD are ok.

TimeForMe · 23/10/2007 10:13

You poor love. I so agree with the other posters. Pack his stuff, set some boundaries and do not let him come and go as he pleases. If he says it's over then you show him what 'over' is!!

Only when he realsises what he has lost will the full implications of what he has done hit him. Only then will you know if you still have a chance of a relationship with him.
I know you don't want to but, you have to let him go. Only when you have let him go will he be able to come back. But make sure it's on your terms!! xx

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