I’ve name changed. My relationship is abusive. Not physically, but in every other way. I keep believing the lies that things will change. They never do. We have a child together as well as both having children from previous relationships.
Last night I collected him from the pub and by the time we got home he’s losing his shit because my daughter was sitting in the living room, she has her own room apparently, so this means she’s not allowed to sit quietly in the family living room? I know how wrong this is and called him out on it and with that he smashed up her tv from her room and then smashed up the WiFi router. I made him leave.
Today I just feel exhausted and lost and like I’ve let my children down. He will ask before long to have our joint child, personally, I don’t think that’s appropriate, but I know I will be called all of the names under the sun, told I’m using the baby to get back at him, and he will still continue to make my life hell.
I still love him, or the him I believe he once was, another Christmas ruined, another attempt at looking to rebuild my life. I run a small business, which is snowed under with Christmas, I’m struggling now. Struggling to get it all done, struggling to get supplies, struggling to do school runs (because he’s left me with no vehicle) I just feel spent and devastated and can’t be bothered to deal with any of it. I don’t know what I want anybody to say but if he gives me the speil again I know I’ll choose to believe it and I need to stop for my children’s sakes