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Original poster

I (we) have no real friends to invite to wedding

77 replies

Billynofriends3 · 16/12/2020 03:55

DP and I are getting married. I always thought I wanted a big wedding but knowing that I have no real close friends gives me "social anxiety" and will definitely not let me enjoy the day. I'd worry all day that people would realise this. I have no one to ask to be my maid of honour and everyone would just be a "filler". My DP feels more or less the same for his side too.

We've decided to have a registry office wedding and the go to the pub for some sort of reception with our family.

I still want to look like a "proper bride". Would that be odd? Maybe it's about the right look? Sorry for the rambling. No idea if relationships is the best place for this bit considering it's about lack of friends thought it was the best place.

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 16/12/2020 04:00

You can look beautiful and wear a wedding dress for a registry wedding. Go for it.

Original poster
Billynofriends3 · 16/12/2020 04:06

The only thing is that I think it will.look.out of place at our local.

OP posts:
Original poster
Billynofriends3 · 16/12/2020 04:08

Ultimately I think it's about the right dress that will make me feel like a "proper bride" but will also make me feel comfortable to wear it at the pub.

OP posts:
LatteLover12 · 16/12/2020 04:10

It doesn't need too be the local pub though. Lots of restaurants will accommodate you & many have 'private dining' spaces that would work for this sort of situation.

You can definitely have a lovely, smaller wedding

Dyrne · 16/12/2020 04:11

It might raise a few eyebrows if you wear a full on princess puffball a-la big fat gypsy wedding but you can definitely wear a wedding dress for a registry office do and pub reception.

Small weddings can be lovely and meaningful; don’t feel like you have to have a massive wedding just to live up to some perceived expectation of how a wedding “should” be. Have a google or look on Pinterest for ideas on how to make it lovely and personalised to you - try “small/intimate wedding” for key words.

Nore · 16/12/2020 04:13

Don’t do the pub if that’s the problem? And we have loads of friends and still got married with two witnesses and just took them for lunch afterwards — and I wore a sundress.

Original poster
Billynofriends3 · 16/12/2020 04:16

The pub is our happy place and it's dog friendly! The landlady is lovely too and what she's envisioned is brilliant. I also like the idea of inviting people from work to a "piss up".

OP posts:
Nore · 16/12/2020 04:24

Well, wear something less formally bridal if it’s a casual piss up? Or just own the fact that you’re in some Vera Wang extravaganza and cathedral length veil down the Black Lion?

Sobeyondthehills · 16/12/2020 04:26

At the pub closest to me, someone got married and had their reception there (I think I was just walking past when she arrived) didn't think any think of it, just that the bride looked beautiful

Original poster
Billynofriends3 · 16/12/2020 04:27

I like the flexibility/informality of it. I looked at elopement packages but they're only suitable for 15max. We're at least 14 (that only counts my DM on my side)

OP posts:
Original poster
Billynofriends3 · 16/12/2020 04:29

Yes @Nore I think it's about owning it because I do want my pretty dress!

OP posts:
DigitalChristmas · 16/12/2020 04:41

Why don’t you wear your dream dress for the ceremony and photos and have something you feel more comfortable in for the catchup at the pub?

Original poster
Billynofriends3 · 16/12/2020 04:48

That's a good option too. I think I could.keep it until I've had my dance (always wanted one) and once more people puree in I could just change to a jumpsuit or similar.

There could still.be a happy medium for the dress and I haven't found it.

OP posts:
parsnipinapeartree · 16/12/2020 04:52

It's your day. Have it exactly how you want. I don't think it would be weird to see you in a proper wedding dress. I was checking into a hotel shortly before lockdown 2 and a just married couple were checking in too. They had just had a tiny wedding but she was still wearing a beautiful sparkly white dress. She looked amazing and didn't look at all incongruous even though theoretically she should have looked out of place. Tbh her smile would have made anything look amazing on her. Go for it!!

ReeseWitherfork · 16/12/2020 04:59

I've had a few friends go to the pub in the middle of their wedding day - between the ceremony and a big reception. And no one has bat an eyelid as far as I know. I appreciate you mention social anxiety so you may be fixated on what other people are thinking or what the societal norm is here. But you can absolutely wear a wedding gown anywhere you want to. Not many people get upset seeing a bride!

GlowingOrb · 16/12/2020 05:01

We had a wedding for 25 with lots of the traditional trimmings, including a wedding dress and gorgeous flowers. We did a cocktail hour, ceremony, nice seated dinner, dessert, then after dinner drinks. (We live in a place where you can have the ceremony anywhere you want so it’s easier to do in the middle, but we could have done the same thing with ceremony first). Neither DH nor I enjoy dancing so a nice dinner was perfect for us. We also don’t have a huge friend group so our count was small. The nice thing about that was we could really go all out on food and drinks because it didn’t have to stretch to a large group. In our case we rented out a restaurant for the night to host the event, but you don’t have to go that far. Having a wedding that reflects who you are as a couple is not embarrassing, it’s wonderful.

SingleWontMingle · 16/12/2020 05:28

The only thing is that I think it will.look.out of place at our local.

If it's your local, your happy place, people know you then you won't look out of place at all, you'll look like you just got married and I'm sure all the locals will be really happy for you!

August20 · 16/12/2020 05:29

I know someone who had a very small wedding at a little chapel followed by an evening in the private side rooms of the village local.

It was the same size and similar informality to a registry office but the location made wearing proper formalwear seem more natural if you see what I mean. Would you consider that?

But do what you like - it's literally your wedding!

Wherethereshope · 16/12/2020 05:33

No matter what the wedding, I always expect a bride to look bridal. If I was at a pub and saw a wedding going on I'd always try to peak at the bride.

Like with the rest if your wedding do what you're comfortable in, if that's a big dress go for it, if not go slim fit/ short. There's so many options I'm sure you find something

maddiemookins16mum · 16/12/2020 05:36

@Billynofriends3

The pub is our happy place and it's dog friendly! The landlady is lovely too and what she's envisioned is brilliant. I also like the idea of inviting people from work to a "piss up".
This sounds fab and is what you want. Monsoon have some lovely wedding dresses too.
JanetSnakeholeMacklin · 16/12/2020 05:39

OP look at the #elopement hashtag on instagram. It's fashionable to have a very very small wedding, with the dreamy dress and stunning florals and beautiful photography.

BobISMyUncle · 16/12/2020 05:56

You have a beautiful wedding, just for you, however you want it. Have the gorgeous, fabulous dress, if that's what you want. I just know that you will look STUNNING!!!!
EEK! How very exciting! And I'm sure, you'll have all of MN there with you on the day. Well, I will be. I'll be the one lurking at the back. I'm well good at lurking innit.
You go girl xxoo

ukgift2016 · 16/12/2020 06:05

I feel you OP, I am getting married and I feel lot social anxiety as I don't really have many friends. We are having an registry office ceremony and we are still undecided on the venue afterwards...my oh has lots friends and family, unlike me which makes it more difficult!

inquietant · 16/12/2020 06:08

@SingleWontMingle

The only thing is that I think it will.look.out of place at our local.

If it's your local, your happy place, people know you then you won't look out of place at all, you'll look like you just got married and I'm sure all the locals will be really happy for you!

I agree with this.
RantyAnty · 16/12/2020 06:10

Nobody will think poorly of you at all. People at your local will be happy about it considering how 2020 has been.

I had a very small wedding. just 2 workmates as witnesses.
We both dressed up and got married at my house that sits high up overlooking the surrounding bushland. The pics turned out nicely too. Think dreary dark of winter and then us in our finest.

Bring clothes to change into later at the pub if you like.