He won't stay over....

[Mummytoarron]

So me and my partner have been together for almost 9 months, our living arrangements are i have a house of my own and he still lives with his parents, at the start he would come round and we would a food few hours enjoying each other company, as time went on he would leave with the intention of staying at home but would then come back and stay over as he couldn't bare to be away from me, it progressed that he had basically moved in and was here every single night for almost 6 months, during this time his parents were renovating and decorating. Anyways we hit a rocky patch, and he ended up going back home, this was 2 and a half months ago and he hasn't slept over once since. I have asked him multiple times to stay and he responds with "ill see" or "I like my own bed" or "why do you need me to stay over" or "you don't need me to stay over"

I'm not expecting him to stay over every single night, but a couple of nights a week would be nice.

He works til late at night, 10:30/11pm whereas I'm 9 til 5 so our time together is limited as it is anyway.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to stay at least a couple of nights a week?

The current situation is, he comes in at night, every night, stays sometimes til 2:30am and goes home, baring in mind, im up for a 9am start....

Bin it

I'll be honest OP, many years ago I was that person who refused to stay over.

I would end it and be strong xx

Why are you putting up with this from him?. Leave him to his parents, he seems to have an easy billet there. Ask yourself too whether this relationship is actually worth continuing, I would state that it is not.

I've explained to him that its something I need and want from him, that it shows commitment, gives some security, comfort and trust. He says "I dont know what the big deal is you see me every night"

He’s being very weird and sounds like he’d be doing you a favour. Why doesn’t he want to stay over when you’ve asked him? After 9 months I can’t see it getting better or being very serious. I’d feel like a booty call, not any sort of partner.

Sorry but it sounds like he only stayed with you for convenience when his house was being decorated... you deserve better OP. Tell him to do one and meet someone who thinks more of you

What? You're up till half two and starting work at nine? You must be exhausted. This is all on his terms, coming to yours when it suits him, staying up late because it suits him. Maybe his mum does nice brunch before work, or has food there for him to help himself to, as well as doing his laundry. He has it good. He has no reason to change the status quo. You on the other hand have plenty of reason to change it.

Thats exactly how it feels, told him I just feel like an option to him. @AnneLovesGilbert

You’re up with him till 2.30am then he leaves? No thanks.

Married? Does he really he live with his parents? Surely they would rather he stay at yours, rather than arrive home in the early hours.

So basically he comes over for a shag?

It's never going to work.

Have you ever listened to the words of Norwegian Wood? Tell him you've got work in the morning, and go to bed, or kick him out of it. Interesting though how he only wanted to stay over while the builders were in at his parents. Likes his home comforts, does that one.

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

Sorry but it sounds like he only stayed with you for convenience when his house was being decorated... you deserve better OP. Tell him to do one and meet someone who thinks more of you

Agree

@FuckThisBullshit

Bin it

Totally agree with this.

You're not his partner, you're just a casual non-committed shag. Sorry.

This isn’t a relationship. You’re a bit of entertainment and a shag when he’s got nothing else to do and wants to get out of his parents house for a bit. He doesn’t even earn the title of a ‘cocklodger’ because he doesn’t even want to spend the night with you.

He moved himself in with you after a month and a half?

Regardless, the current situation is rubbish. It sounds like whatever relationship you had has run its course.

Find some self respect and end it

Why are your standards so low? Does he expect sex?

Bin him.

No hes definatley not married and I've been round at his parents many time so I know that side of things is legit.

Were spending Christmas separately too, and its a huge deal to me, as a couple I just thought we would be spending it together whether it be on our own our with either of our families. He had been invited to my parents, which he said he would see what his son and his family were doing, next few days he's telling me his mother has booked a table for him and his family at a restaurant, with no invitation or thought of inviting myself and my son.

Were both 32!! I have a son of 6 and he has a son of 13 who he sees every other weekend. We used to spend time together the 4 of us, now he spends time alone with his son....

Does he expect /get sex the nights he pops round? Grim if he humps and dumps op
..

@AnneLovesGilbert

He’s being very weird and sounds like he’d be doing you a favour. Why doesn’t he want to stay over when you’ve asked him? After 9 months I can’t see it getting better or being very serious. I’d feel like a booty call, not any sort of partner.

-Exactly.

So he comes over for dinner, has intimiate relations and then wakes you up and goes home? You are free dinner and a booty call.

This isn't a relationship. So you feeding him, having sex with him etc -what is he putting in the relationship. Nothing. And your begging him to stay?!!!

Does he get up early in the morning or does he have a later start?

Well, it's clear that this is going backwards not forwards.

You're the OK-for-now, sexual relief person.

He doesn't expect sex, he comes in, has coffee, tells me about his day has something to eat, we have a cuddle of the sofa and watch a bit of TV, sometimes sex happens, sometimes it doesn't....@Santaisironingwrappingpaper