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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He won't stay over....

54 replies

Mummytoarron · 13/12/2020 17:59

So me and my partner have been together for almost 9 months, our living arrangements are i have a house of my own and he still lives with his parents, at the start he would come round and we would a food few hours enjoying each other company, as time went on he would leave with the intention of staying at home but would then come back and stay over as he couldn't bare to be away from me, it progressed that he had basically moved in and was here every single night for almost 6 months, during this time his parents were renovating and decorating. Anyways we hit a rocky patch, and he ended up going back home, this was 2 and a half months ago and he hasn't slept over once since. I have asked him multiple times to stay and he responds with "ill see" or "I like my own bed" or "why do you need me to stay over" or "you don't need me to stay over"

I'm not expecting him to stay over every single night, but a couple of nights a week would be nice.

He works til late at night, 10:30/11pm whereas I'm 9 til 5 so our time together is limited as it is anyway.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to stay at least a couple of nights a week?

The current situation is, he comes in at night, every night, stays sometimes til 2:30am and goes home, baring in mind, im up for a 9am start....

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/12/2020 18:21

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

Why is your relationship bar this low that this person is in your life at all?. All you are to this man is dinner and sex.

Original poster

Mummytoarron · 13/12/2020 18:21

No he starts work at 1pm each day @Divebar

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/12/2020 18:22

Between you and his parents he has it well cushy doesn’t he?.

Original poster

Mummytoarron · 13/12/2020 18:23

Were not friends on social media either...we were, I tagged him in some posts he would remove the tags or either hide them from his timeline

OP posts:

Needsadvice197 · 13/12/2020 18:24

Any chance he could’ve been married and recently got back with said wife and that’s why all of a sudden he can’t stay over? Did he mention any ex’s to you? Honestly it sounds like he’s coming for one thing then pissing off. You deserve more, LTB op x

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/12/2020 18:24

You have a son of six years of age. Would you want him as an adult to behave to women like your so called partner does towards you?. I would think not. What do you want to teach your son about relationships and what is he learning from you here?.

category12 · 13/12/2020 18:25

So he's keeping his options open.

Again, you're the OK-for-Now person. This is going nowhere. do yourself a favour and stop going along with this.

You must be knackered staying up all hours to fit in with his schedule, and for what?! Waste of your energy and affection.

User775633244 · 13/12/2020 18:32

You have a son of six in the midst of this. I'm sorry but it sounds like you are prioritising your dp over your child be staying up so late to accommodate his needs. He probably doesn't want woken up by you both getting ready for the day which is why he leaves. He's 32! I though at a push he would be maybe around 24.

This relationship has ended I think, he just hasn't told you so you can be someone to spend time with until someone better comes along. You deserve better, and so does your son.

NovemberR · 13/12/2020 18:33

There's no way I'd let anyone turn up at 11.00pm at night, hang around my house til 2.30am then go home when I'd got work the next day!

Are you mad? If he doesn't finish work til then he's either coming home to bed with you - or going straight back to his Mummy's house and you'll see him some other time.

Or not...I'd dump him purely for the fact that he's putting your wants and needs at the bottom of his list.

Iwonder08 · 13/12/2020 18:33

OP, just like they said in a film.. He is just not that into you. If you need to ask him(rather than offer) to say overnight and moreover to ask for signs of commitment he is not a boyfriend material

User775633244 · 13/12/2020 18:34

Not that I think there is someone better! I just think he does.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 13/12/2020 18:39

I’d be going to my bed at 2200 and the house would be in darkness.

It doesn’t sound like a relationship at all. Just a bit of a convenience.

I think I would be ending it.

Opentooffers · 13/12/2020 18:39

He's downgraded the relationship since you had the rocky patch without telling you, probably lovebombed you at the beginning, by moving in quick then involving kids so soon. He definitely does not see you the same way, so you may as well bin him off .

HollowTalk · 13/12/2020 18:40

Whatever has happened in his mind, the relationship is going backwards, not forwards. He wants to live as a single man - well, actually he wants to behave like a little boy, staying in with his mum every night. It's going to end at some point, OP - don't wait for him to do it.

Twinkle1989 · 13/12/2020 18:49

@Mummytoarron

Were not friends on social media either...we were, I tagged him in some posts he would remove the tags or either hide them from his timeline

Run for the hills!!

BlueThistles · 13/12/2020 18:50

@Mummytoarron

Were not friends on social media either...we were, I tagged him in some posts he would remove the tags or either hide them from his timeline

Shady as hell 🌺

HollowTalk · 13/12/2020 18:53

Cherchez la femme.

Marmozet · 13/12/2020 18:58

Jesus Christ, why are you putting up with this?

Aquamarine1029 · 13/12/2020 19:04

He is being crystal clear as to where you stand, and that's at the back of the line with a bag over your head. Dump this twat.

Original poster

Mummytoarron · 13/12/2020 19:08

Thank you all for your comments, you have all just confirmed what was in my head already, I just wanted confirmation that I wasn't expecting too much and that I wasn't going mad.

OP posts:

SmallBalloonAnimals · 13/12/2020 19:13

He's not really your partner at all, is he?

He's not even a boyfriend. Get rid and you'll be much happier.

Growapair · 13/12/2020 19:38

So he doesn’t even want people knowing he’s shagging you? Does he ever take you out anywhere? Who generally pays for and cooks the food when he’s at yours? How often do you go to his?

MrsRockAndRoll · 13/12/2020 22:59

He's a user

EarthSight · 14/12/2020 00:13

'Why do you need me to stay over'??

If that's not obvious then I don't think there's much of a future here. Sounds to me like he getting cold feet as to making things more permanent and is trying to put distance between you. Clearly you have different needs. I like my own space, but I would never question why a partner of mine needs to have me over, like they're desperate or something. It's demeaning. Is he not telling you something I wonder but feels like he can't talk about it for some reason?

Whydidimarryhim · 14/12/2020 02:36

What happens on the weekends he doesn’t see his son?
Does he see you in daylight hours?
You seem like you know what to do.
Enjoy your early nights and leave him in 2020 😀

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