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Original poster

Boyfriend was texting ex last night,would you mind?

63 replies

wizzardchristmass · 12/12/2020 08:46

Boyfriend of 7 months was over last night.
(He is in my bubble)
We were just chilling out,we were listening to music.
It was after midnight and I noticed he was on his phone.
I asked who he was messaging,he said just a mate.
He went to the toilet and his phone flashed up.
It was his ex.
I asked him why he was messaging her.
He said a song popped on that reminded him of her so he sent her a screenshot of it and asked if she still liked them ???
Would this bother you?
It's the fact he was with me yet going down memory Lane with her.

OP posts:
SmallBalloonAnimals · 12/12/2020 08:57

Yeah that would bother me. He might have been reminded of her but he clearly.wanted her to know that and be reminded of him.

I'd dump him for that.

BloodyCreateUsername · 12/12/2020 08:58

Weird AF

StephenBelafonte · 12/12/2020 09:20

Your boyfriend of 7 months should be spending Friday night riding the arse off you. Not texting his ex girlfriend. I bet he came round empty handed too.

Original poster
wizzardchristmass · 12/12/2020 09:39

I try to think logically and not get jealous but that really wound me up.
She shouldn't be on his mind ..maybe I'm just being insecure here.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 12/12/2020 09:44

It's fine a song came up and he thought of her, but at midnight why would you text anyone to ask them if they still like a specific act unless you want them to know your thinking of them, stuff reminds you of them, and have them remember the good times

I wouldn't be thrilled

SmallBalloonAnimals · 12/12/2020 09:45

No, she shouldn't be on his mind. It's not about your feelings but about his behaviour. And its disrespectful.

I tend to judge other people by their behaviour their motivations and not how it makes me feel per se.

So, even if I wasnt bothered that he had messaged an ex, I'd be looking at the nature of the message and his motivation for sending it.

It's unlikely to be neutral because most people would realise sending a reminiscing text to an ex isn't neutral and sending one when you are with a current partner is just rude.

WunWun · 12/12/2020 09:46

Those set of circumstances would annoy me, yes.

RollneckJumper · 12/12/2020 09:47

Er.. yeah it would bother me.
Enough to bin him off!

He's at your place, supposed to be spending quality time with you, but he's reminiscing with his ex.. and then lying about it by telling you it's a mate...

He can't f*ck right off! You know it's not right otherwise you wouldn't have created this thread. Do yourself a favour and get rid now while it's still early days. You deserve better. Go and find someone who isn't a liar and isn't still into his ex!

TrailingLobelias · 12/12/2020 09:47

It's inappropriate. You need to decide together what's allowed and not. He can't act unilaterally like that

gannett · 12/12/2020 09:53

I'm always messaging people when songs remind me of them. Friends and also occasionally exes. But my social circles have always been pretty music-based so I know it'll be appreciated from one music lover to another, not with any ulterior motive. It's the kind of message that I'd love to receive too. Often leads to an excellent back-and-forth of messaging songs to each other!

JustAddCoffee91 · 12/12/2020 09:59

Get rid!!
He's obviously not over his ex at all.. you don't deserve to feel like your second best, also seems a little bit like he wanted you to see his phone otherwise he would have taken it with him to the bathroom especially mid conversation with his ex

Burnthurst187 · 12/12/2020 10:06

Clearly not moved on from the ex. To text whilst with you and lie makes it even worse

SmallBalloonAnimals · 12/12/2020 10:09

I'm always messaging people when songs remind me of them. Friends and also occasionally exes. But my social circles have always been pretty music-based so I know it'll be appreciated from one music lover to another, not with any ulterior motive. It's the kind of message that I'd love to receive too. Often leads to an excellent back-and-forth of messaging songs to each other!
Would you send similar messages to an ex when you are with a new boyfriend/girlfriend and lie about it though?

That the issue.

RosesandPumpkins · 12/12/2020 10:10

Not ok at all. I’d have felt betrayed. Why does he want to reminisce with her? He’s not over her clearly

Butterfly44 · 12/12/2020 10:25

Yes, as others have said not appropriate to text as he wanted her to know and fishing for a response. That's disrespectful to you and if he can't see that then it's a red flag. It shows his tolerance level for what he thinks is ok. Did you ask what his reaction would be if you did the exact same?

nancybotwinbloom · 12/12/2020 10:26

The fact he lied and said it was a mate would piss me off.

CherryDocsInYrBalls · 12/12/2020 10:33

This is a red flag. He's lying. He's messaging his ex on a date night with you. This usually means he wants to still shag her or he is still shagging her. I think you can do better than this one

firecracker69 · 12/12/2020 10:52

He lied. He messaged his ex, late at night, whilst with you. He was reminiscing. I'd be fucking fuming.

SmallBalloonAnimals · 12/12/2020 10:57

I wouldn't be fuming. I'd just end it.

There is absolutely no point in trying to explain this to him. He knows it's inappropriate or he wouldn't have lied.

TwentyViginti · 12/12/2020 11:05

@gannett

I'm always messaging people when songs remind me of them. Friends and also occasionally exes. But my social circles have always been pretty music-based so I know it'll be appreciated from one music lover to another, not with any ulterior motive. It's the kind of message that I'd love to receive too. Often leads to an excellent back-and-forth of messaging songs to each other!
You'd message an ex around midnight, while you were with a new lover, lie about it and you'd be back and forth messaging with them?
Isthisnothing · 12/12/2020 11:19

No I wouldn't be bothered continuing with this bloke. He sent her a message which essentially said "hi, thinking about you..."

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 12/12/2020 12:06

My STBXH has form for this type of behaviour. It was the death of our marriage, frankly.

Bin this one whilst it's still early days, or you'll be left without a scrap of self-esteem in 10 years time.

lubeybooby · 12/12/2020 12:12

a sign of a narcissist can be 'triangulation' where they test you like this, often with an ex, and especially if he's previously slagged her off to you at all in the slightest

even if not narcissist, it's still really shit and disrespectful though and an earlyish red flag

In short, yes I would mind.

fortygin · 12/12/2020 12:22

Hi op,
I have to say, I'm guilty of doing this.
I was with my DH for 25 years, from 16 to 40 and we have 4 DC together.

He was a shit at the end and I have a wonderful DP of four years but there were good times and we are still in close contact because of the DC.
I in no way still love him or want him back.
Hope you are ok.

SmallBalloonAnimals · 12/12/2020 12:28

Did you lie about it?

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