My friend was having an affair!

[Loopy2020]

My best friend has been having an affair with an old friend, there was talk of leaving their spouses and living together!
The affair came out as a phone was looked at and messages were found.
I knew about the affair and tried repeatedly to tell her to end things and work on her marriage.
Now her husband is blaming me saying I should have told him or stopped it?!
! I know affairs are wrong as my ex cheated on me and our marriage ended but I’m a little confused as to how I could have stopped it? She was my best friend and my loyalty was with her.
Advice please.

[quote Hunnihun2]@BigFatLiar would you have told your friends husband?

Personally I think it would not be my place! That would be my sole reason. As uncomfortable as some things are in life it is not OPs place to take upon herself and betray her own friend I mean why do you feel that is your place to do that? Also it would most likely end your friendship.[/quote]
I don't know what I'd do, haven't been in that position fortunately. If I didn't speak up I'd feel I was complicit in the deceit if I did I'd be betraying my friend. I hope I may have backed of from the friendship when I found out. The way her 'friend' is behaving now she's been found out sort of indicates the friendships ruined.

@Loopy2020

He’s calling me a slag! I’ve never cheated on anyone! I get that he’s angry obviously, I was when I found out my ex was cheating but I blamed him and the woman not anyone else and people at his work knew!

If he thinks you are a group of friends he is part of, then yes you lied by omission. I would be very upset if my friends knew and didn’t tell me. He is feeling powerless and vulnerable and you are part of what made him so, not the opposite.

Personally couldn’t be friends with a cheater, but her actions afterwards would cement the decision for me. Sorry you’re having to deal with this.

Disloyal person turns out to be disloyal to you shocker.

She shat all over her marriage. Why would she treat you any better?

I agree cheating does show that a person is willing to fuck someone over for their own benefit.

Don't let them make this your problem. It is their's. Move on; nobody should have to put up with this. Your 'friend' should have kept her affair from you.

Your friend is a proven liar so I would not take her word about the husband calling you a slag tbh. She is throwing you under the bus here. Block both of them and move on OP.

Er how is it your fault that she slept with someone else??

You are being well and truly scapegoated here. Your friend should be thanking you fo your loyalty. She's a right cow, especially as she says only you knew. She's made a fool of her husband by telling all of you. Tell him that since he holds you responsible for him not knowing. Twats.

** I would be very upset if my friends knew and didn’t tell me

OP is not friends with the husband! That’s the difference. @Thewithesarehere

@Hunnihun2

** I would be very upset if my friends knew and didn’t tell me

OP is not friends with the husband! That’s the difference. @Thewithesarehere

This is why I said ‘if’ in my post. Perhaps OP thinks he isn’t and he thinks he is friends with all of them?

Tell her he’s obviously getting confused if he’s calling me the slag, and tell her to go and work on her marriage rather than wasting time telling me things I don’t need to know. I don’t think he’s saying that anyway- she’s clearly trying to wind you up.

He’s angry and trying to find someone to blame. If you had told him he’d probably still lash out as you as the messenger and all... I’d back away and leave them to it.

She is probably driving a wedge so she can minimise it too him and he cant contact you to confirm it was "all your idea" or whatever she is telling him

Tell her he has it confused SHE is the slag you told her not to do this and now your telling her to fuck off with her drama

Why is she upsetting you and relaying what he is saying about you to you? There are some things that dont need to be repeated.

Of course he is angry and raging, and of course he is uncomfortable you knew. But you don't need to know the details of all that.

Seems she is minimising her own behaviour here and feeding the drama.

Take the high road. Knowing isnt approving. You didnt ask to be told. You offered good advice. Leave them to it.

Just stay out of it and don’t engage- involvement on any level is not going to help anyone.

You need to cut both of them off.

You dont owe the husband anything and the friend is cow and probably a lying one at that.

She's already proven to be a deceitful mere and you believe all the shit she spouts that reportedly comes from her husband.

You've been done up like a kipper, well and truly!!