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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Relationships

74 replies

Purple122 · 09/12/2020 08:39

How would you read this text?.. We’ve been together three months..
‘Hi. Sorry I've been quiet. I feel like I don't see what we have developing into anything more serious. It's been really good fun and I do like spending time with you but feel it's only right to let you know. Maybe you feel the same? Anyway, I didn't want to continue to come round unless I said something so not to mislead. Totally understand if you want to leave it here and not see me anymore’

OP posts:
Manxiety · 09/12/2020 08:45

He's only interested in sex with you & is up for continuing on those terms if you are. Creep!

LouiseTrees · 09/12/2020 08:45

Friends, FWB but not going anywhere in the long term. Is there any other way to read it?

Original poster
Purple122 · 09/12/2020 08:49

I just wondered why he suddenly did this after 3 months when everything seemed fine. He’s been acting like he’s in a relationship & texts me a lot.. Maybe he just wants some fun I guess..

OP posts:
Aprilx · 09/12/2020 08:50

I would read it exactly as they have written it, I think they are being pretty clear.

Original poster
Purple122 · 09/12/2020 08:53

I just find it odd.. as if it were me, I would just end it at this point. Maybe I should!

OP posts:
RollneckJumper · 09/12/2020 08:53

Not interested in a relationship but is happy to continue as FWB / Fuck Buddies.

I suspect he may have initially been looking for a relationship.. has now decided he doesn't want a relationship with you, but wants to keep sex on the cards whilst he looks elsewhere for a relationship.

MiniTheMinx · 09/12/2020 08:59

Yep, just as RollneckJumper says.

This would make me feel that he thought I was good enough to use whilst he went shopping for a new one......its the sort of logic that should only be applied to objects not people. Don't allow anyone to treat you this way.

HmmSureJan · 09/12/2020 08:59

I would text back "ok, thanks for letting me know" (the short cut Google mail sentence I use whenever I am forced to deal with my ex) and then block him everywhere. I find it's easier to move on if you're not regularly getting little "how are you today?" messages to keep you hanging on the line.

Original poster
Purple122 · 09/12/2020 09:00

RollneckJumper, MiniTheMink you’re right. Going to see him this week and tell him I’m not interested in something casual

OP posts:
category12 · 09/12/2020 09:02

I would read that as a "I'm dumping you, but I want you to say it" message. I'd oblige.

category12 · 09/12/2020 09:02

Why would you go to see him to say that?! Just take the hint.

TreacleHart · 09/12/2020 09:04

Back to him " Hi xxx , phew I'm so glad one of us had the balls to say this. Tbh it's felt awkward for awhile hasn't it ? Ah well onward and upward . Wishing you well xxx .

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 09/12/2020 09:06

Do not see him!!! He's put he doesn't want to see you unless it's for a shag! He's not interested in you, your feelings, your needs, he's interested in his cock. I would just reply ok and then block.

user1936863452 · 09/12/2020 09:07

Why do you need to see him to confirm you're not interested in being used for sex? Where is your self respect?

sofato5miles · 09/12/2020 09:12

Wait, what? Tou want to see him after this message?

MiniTheMinx · 09/12/2020 09:15

Purple122 go you , you look after yourself, you're worth ten of him. What a prize twit he is. You can do better, especially with him out the way Grin

Original poster
Purple122 · 09/12/2020 09:19

I know I shouldn’t see him after this but I’ve developed feelings for him and I supposed the idea I can still see him appeals.. If I’m honest a small part of me is hoping he’ll change his mind but I’ve been through enough to know this won’t happen..

OP posts:
category12 · 09/12/2020 09:24

Keep your dignity fgs, and just bin him off and have a good cry about it. No good can come of seeing him.

Even if you succeed in keeping it going, you'll get the absolute crumbs from him and lose your self esteem and any respect he had for you. Do the hard thing and go through the pain now instead of fucking yourself over.

Sunnysideup999 · 09/12/2020 09:25

I’d just text back ‘ok!’.
It doesn’t warrant any more than that .

Dinosauraddict · 09/12/2020 09:26

He won't change his mind. I wouldn't advise a FWB if you have feelings - you'll end up getting really hurt. Move on!

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 09/12/2020 09:26

Just say your goodbyes. Yes it hurts, but better than being his side piece until he meets someone he does see seriously and then the pain will be worse and he will not give a shit because he told you in December he only wanted shags. Listen to some affirmations, buy yourself some Christmas presents, see a friend, not him. Let him go, it's the least painful option and you keep your dignity. Oh and when he tries his luck again in a few weeks you will have moved on

MiniTheMinx · 09/12/2020 09:26

I think meeting someone face to face to finish with them is the actions of a decent person.

I wouldn't waste time on it though. Why not instead use the time to get back out there or go out with friends.

I'd be more likely to text back something ambivalent like "I'm busy with other stuff and haven't got the time to think about it, I'll let you know" then delete his number.

seensome · 09/12/2020 09:28

Quit him, it will only get worse, what if he finds someone else while you're still sleeping with him, it's not worth it.
Find an emotionally available man.

notsurewhattodo22 · 09/12/2020 09:32

Don't see him after that.

praepondero · 09/12/2020 09:34

Poor chaps, they can do no right. It takes a wee bit of time to see if the person one has just met is someone with whom a relationship could be viable. Three months is absolutely fine to get to know the person and decide that although sex is fine, there aren't enough 'other factors' that gel to make a proper relationship.
The chap in question was honest, kudos to him!