Page 3 | Relationships

Purple122 · 2020-12-09T08:39:55+00:00

How would you read this text?.. We’ve been together three months.. ‘Hi. Sorry I've been quiet. I feel like I don't see what we have developing into anything more serious. It's been really good fun and I do like spending time with you but feel it's only right to let you know. Maybe you feel the same? Anyway, I didn't want to continue to come round unless I said something so not to mislead. Totally understand if you want to leave it here and not see me anymore’

Bunnymumy · 10/12/2020 10:09

*shitstorm

Bunnymumy · 10/12/2020 10:12

@Purple122

RollneckJumper, MiniTheMink you’re right. Going to see him this week and tell him I’m not interested in something casual

Your words op. And now you've backtracked. This is why you should have taken pps advice and not seen him in person.

sofato5miles · 10/12/2020 10:17

Oh dear.

Original poster

Purple122 · 10/12/2020 10:20

I suppose I did backtrack.. I have made it clear I’m not looking to meet other people but didn’t go as far as saying I want a relationship. I feel like I am getting everything I need from him at the moment (good conversation, attraction communication between dates). That’s why it’s hard to let go.. I will speak to him again about my feelings though..

OP posts:

Kippure · 10/12/2020 10:25

@Purple122

I suppose I did backtrack.. I have made it clear I’m not looking to meet other people but didn’t go as far as saying I want a relationship. I feel like I am getting everything I need from him at the moment (good conversation, attraction communication between dates). That’s why it’s hard to let go.. I will speak to him again about my feelings though..

This is exactly why everyone told you not to see him.

Bunnymumy · 10/12/2020 10:31

The thing is that he isnt particularlay interested in your feelings op. He just wants a bit of fun, he doesn't want to be sat hearing you bang on about what you want from him or don't. And that is a key difference right off the bat.

You need to start thinking ahead. He is probably going to want sex for example. Can you separate sex from feelings? He doesn't want a relationship at any point in the future with you (he has told you this clearly, listen to him). Can you say you wont get to the point where you would want one with him? Because then you'd be in the shit.

Sorry to sound harsh op but you are really setting yourself up here.

sofato5miles · 10/12/2020 10:33

You arebeing fool and short changing yourself. This will hurt you.

He won't respect you.

Really, i would just send a short text saying, actually, after thinking about it, what he is offering isn't good enough for you.

And mean it.

Honeyroar · 10/12/2020 10:34

Why speak to him about your feelings though? Or wait for him to communicate? You’ve told him you’re happy with a very casual, no future envisioned, relationship. You sound like you’re hoping more will develop. He’s not feeling it. You’re not the one for him. This is probably going to cause you more hurt when it ends further down the line than it would now.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/12/2020 10:34

Tale as old as time, he doesn't want what you want and he has been clear and honest about that.

Instead of respecting that, and respecting your own real wants, you're turning yourself inside out to pretend you're fine with how things are in the hopes he'll change his mind if you shag for a few more weeks / months. He won't. Then despite being him upfront with you, you'll end up calling him a wanker who led you on.

You can't make somebody want a relationship with you OP.

You're setting yourself up to be upset and it's a very immature way to go about things.

CandyLeBonBon · 10/12/2020 10:36

@Purple122

Update: so I did see him last night. Told I don’t want anything more serious right now (we meet once a week for dinner) but I’m also not looking for anyone else. He said he’s happy to meet up as usual but didn’t want to mislead me at the moment. He was talking about stuff we could do in the coming weeks. Maybe it’s unwise for me to proceed like this but I’m going to revisit the issue with him in a month. In the meantime.. I’ll let him initiate all communication etc..

Oh ffs op. Really? Why not have 'doormat' stamped on your forehead.

VivaMiltonKeynes · 10/12/2020 10:39

@Purple122

I know I shouldn’t see him after this but I’ve developed feelings for him and I supposed the idea I can still see him appeals.. If I’m honest a small part of me is hoping he’ll change his mind but I’ve been through enough to know this won’t happen..

You think having sex with him will change his mind . It won't. At least he has been honest with you . Move on .

KaiserMayhem · 10/12/2020 11:01

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Tale as old as time, he doesn't want what you want and he has been clear and honest about that.

Instead of respecting that, and respecting your own real wants, you're turning yourself inside out to pretend you're fine with how things are in the hopes he'll change his mind if you shag for a few more weeks / months. He won't. Then despite being him upfront with you, you'll end up calling him a wanker who led you on.

You can't make somebody want a relationship with you OP.

You're setting yourself up to be upset and it's a very immature way to go about things.

This.

notsurewhattodo22 · 10/12/2020 11:03

Hi OP...I'm just wondering how you will feel if he meets someone else?

I completely understand how difficult it is when you have feelings for someone. I'm currently going through upset..the guy I was with blamed circumstances which always kept me hanging on. In a way I wish he'd been honest ages ago and just said he didn't see it working out with me. I kept hanging on and guess what, when his circumstances improved off he went anyway.

Please don't do this to yourself as you obviously have feelings for him. Don't let him demote you.

LiG123 · 10/12/2020 11:04

Why mess with your own feelings and heart break?

Delete the number, don't meet him. Move on!

wimhoffbreather · 10/12/2020 11:16

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Tale as old as time, he doesn't want what you want and he has been clear and honest about that.

Instead of respecting that, and respecting your own real wants, you're turning yourself inside out to pretend you're fine with how things are in the hopes he'll change his mind if you shag for a few more weeks / months. He won't. Then despite being him upfront with you, you'll end up calling him a wanker who led you on.

You can't make somebody want a relationship with you OP.

You're setting yourself up to be upset and it's a very immature way to go about things.

This is exactly right. You’re setting yourself up for heartbreak here, people have given you good advice, but I suppose sometimes we don’t learn unless we do it ourselves

Hariboqueen1 · 10/12/2020 11:35

Im really sorry op I dont want to upset you or make you feel crap but I know this situation, Ive seen it play out so many times, but because youve agreed to have casual sex with him he will like you less now and he will never consider you as a girlfriend. Men are not stupid he knows you want a relationship with him but youve agreed to settle instead to just being a fucky buddy. Theres no way he will ever see you more than that as you lowered your standards and he knows you have. If he can get casual sex from you he knows someone else you liked would have been able to get casual sex from you too. He honestly will never see you as a girlfriend. Honestly you are going to get broken you need to stop seeing him you will feel better in the long run if you leave now.

Anwenandtheicecreambaby · 27/08/2021 18:47

How do you know that HE sent that text? Makes me wonder if he has a long term wife or girlfriend who doesn't really want to have sex with him anymore, so is happy for him to do whatever, outside the house. But she keeps him around to pay for things, so doesn't want a divorce.
So she's saying (pretending to be him) Have him for sex, but that's it love. And he may or may not be aware of this text.
Either way, he's a waste of space.

Wherearemymarbles · 27/08/2021 18:55

He has realised he is not going to fall in love with you but if fwb is ok with you its ok with him

Lolabray · 27/08/2021 19:09

He’s asking to continue to sleep with you but for you not to be his girlfriend cos he can’t be arsed with that but just wants the fun bit.

betterwithage · 27/08/2021 20:05

Do not move forward with this "relationship" You are emotionally invested to a degree but he is not. Please don't put yourself through this. Whatever his reason is for backing off he is not there for you emotionally or mentally.

LastGirlSanding · 27/08/2021 20:11

Nooooooo. Don’t do it!! He’s told you loud and clear he doesn’t want a relationship but he’s happy to keep fucking your NSA until he finds someone else. This is the time to walk away not keep fucking him in the hope eventually he’ll feel differently. He won’t and you’ll get even more hurt.

Come on, you should be with someone who is excited to see you, who can’t believe his luck he is with you, not a ‘you’ll do for now’ man. Don’t waste anymore time with someone who doesn’t want you and miss out on the time you could be using to meet someone who does.

Lolabray · 27/08/2021 21:50

You’ll look back in years to come and get flashbacks of you two together as you were never a proper couple.. only in the bedroom..
My advice is if you want to feel the above do it. If you don’t, get some self respect and tell this bloke to jog on x

Dancingontheceiling1 · 27/08/2021 22:17

The OP was 8 months ago..... Hopefully she has moved on

MsDogLady · 28/08/2021 01:40

According to OP’s February thread, he ended things after she initiated a discussion about where the relationship was headed. He felt that she wanted more than casual. She sent him a final message and was upset that he had not read it.

OP, I hope you are doing well now.