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Relationships

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Original poster

Pandemic dating going downhill

23 replies

writergirl747474 · 04/12/2020 08:03

Am I the only one seeing an increase in the number of men on OLD who assume that covid restrictions mean the only option for a first date is to meet at your/their place?

My latest chat went like this.
Me: How about meeting Tuesday?
Him: Shall I come round yours?
Me: Of course not, you're a total stranger
Him: I'm all out of ideas.

Second one this week along these lines.

Is the thought of the commitment of having to buy a scotch egg/bowl of chips in a pub (tier 2) alongside a pint really too much for them?

OP posts:

ravenmum · 04/12/2020 08:31

Well, if he was suggesting you meet at your place on a first date, that's pretty stupid. (Not sure it's something people only do during a pandemic, though!) "Im all out of ideas" is presumably just him being in a huff because you basically answered "No, you dickhead" - he's changed his mind about meeting up with Scary Lady.

GreenlandTheMovie · 04/12/2020 09:08

I stopped OLD a few weeks ago after spending 3 weeks on Tinder and getting this sort of thing. I blocked every single man who contacted me bar one for either this or inappropriate sex talk or asking for "sexy pics".

Its vile. The sad thing is there are obviously enough women out there with low enough standards and disregard for their safety that say yes to this sort of thing (I suppose even 1 in 50 is enough) for them to keep trying.

Its a sleazy world I want no part of, even indirectly.

Sunshineandflipflops · 04/12/2020 09:11

There are plenty of outdoor paces to meet for a walk/coffee too (weather permitting). Either they are just after one thing or they have no imagination, or both. Either way it's not the biggest turn on is it.

category12 · 04/12/2020 09:13

Chancers will always try it on.

It's good really, the trash takes itself out.

ILoveYoga · 04/12/2020 09:27

My daughter starting dating her boyfriend during the tail end of lock down 1 when people were allowed to meet another person outside. They met for a walk and each brought their own drink. She’s been doing this also with one friend at a time to keep in touch during lock down 2.

Granted there were longer day light hours and less rain but there’s certainly been enough days where you could walk outside. Places are open for take away so you could get coffee etc and walk, so you’re talking and getting to know one another.

Now that lock down 2 is over, if there are places near you that you can meet indoors (granted you’d buy your own food each), why on earth are they asking to come to your house?

Op just let those making the suggestion be the warning to move on to the next one. I’d be tempted though to say something about their laziness of ideas to suggest places to meet are not making them a great catch.

Isthisnothing · 04/12/2020 09:43

I don't think it's the Pandemic, I think it's them being tossers. I had similar when I was single and OLD - one guy looked / seemed nice then suggested for our first date I come to his house. I laughed and said "oh no, that's a bit fast for me" fully expecting him to (lie and) say "I didn't mean it like that" and suggest something else. But his actual reply was "let's forget it then, I'm not interested in dating a nun".

nattiee · 04/12/2020 09:55

Even before the pandemic when I did OLD I arranged to meet a guy in a pub (first date).

He then came up with a crap excuse about having to look after his sisters cats at his so could I go over there

He got the right hump when I said no, called me all sorts of names a time waster/let down as we agreed to meet. I blocked him after that

TwentyViginti · 04/12/2020 09:56

let's forget it then, I'm not interested in dating a nun

But, you see, it's great for marrieds and chancers to have 'dates' at yours, OP. Less likely for them to be caught out! plus, you'll host so it's cost free for them, and of course no hotel rooms to book!

ravenmum · 04/12/2020 09:59

These are the men with profiles that eventually say "no time-wasters" or harping on about all the nasty women they have met. Not even enough brain cells to work out they could pretend not just to want a shag with any woman who'll agree.

abbey44 · 04/12/2020 10:14

I had one prince of a man suggest that I met him (first date) in the cab of his lorry while he was parked up in a lay-by on the A66. For a 'cuddle'. Couldn't understand why I was less than enthusiastic

Not only blocked him, but blocked that entire dating site.

Original poster

writergirl747474 · 04/12/2020 11:25

So glad it's not just me! I've had a couple of the "I'll come round to yours" guys this week, but also spent a couple of weeks messaging a guy that seemed completely normal - interesting, no mention of sex etc.

We arranged to meet for a coffee but on the morning of the date I get the following "Sorry to do this but I can't meet you today as I'm not ready to date. Hard to explain but I don't think I'll ever be ready to date".

I called him a prick and he complained I wasn't "understanding". But I don't understand.... why join a dating app and arrange a date if you're "not ready" to date?! What an idiot.

So basically the choice is guys who think you will let them into your home on date 1, and those too wounded by the nasty women in their past to go for a coffee.... Am thinking of giving it a break until the pubs are properly open for a quick drink without the substantial meal bollocks.

OP posts:

ravenmum · 04/12/2020 11:43

So he got cold feet or had a self-esteem crisis and you called him a prick? You're merciless OP!

At least the substantial meal might make them a bit less randy?

jojogoesbust · 04/12/2020 12:33

I have come away from OLD this week must have been a bad week for me too. One went like this

Him: hey how are you?
Me: Great. What are you up to today?
Him: Have you got whatsapp - here's my number
Me: I'm not ready to give number out 2 sentences in
Total silence.........

Then another one asked if I would be up for meeting up, I naively answered yes - a walk outside, to which he replied 'oh, I didn't mean that kind of meeting up'
My profile said no hook ups!!

Deleted the apps.

Roberta268 · 04/12/2020 12:35

It’s always been like this but the pandemic seems to have made them even cheekier. If a man can’t understand the many very good reasons why a woman wouldn’t want a man to visit hers for a first date (even apart from the COVID issue), he must be very thick.

GreenlandTheMovie · 04/12/2020 12:40

To be honest, some of the responses on another thread in Relationships are making me feel uncomfortable in the same way that these awful men who thinks it's fine on OLD to suggest coming over to your house for sex do. It's full of posters trying to force their views that there's nothing wrong with men using women for sex and then discarding them rudely straight afterwards, and how women are "twee' to possibly expect to be treated better.

There's a lot of men out there who can't get sex due to the pandemic with a lot of time on their hands...

category12 · 04/12/2020 13:38

It's a bit of not-great netiquette to bring your issues from another thread to another, Greenland. Don't cross the streams

Meruem · 04/12/2020 14:31

The worst one I had a few years back was a guy suggesting (for a first meet) that it would be “exciting” if I invited him round, blindfolded myself and left my front door unlocked so he could come in and “surprise” me!!! Who would ever say yes to that?

user1481840227 · 04/12/2020 16:06

*We arranged to meet for a coffee but on the morning of the date I get the following "Sorry to do this but I can't meet you today as I'm not ready to date. Hard to explain but I don't think I'll ever be ready to date".

I called him a prick and he complained I wasn't "understanding". But I don't understand.... why join a dating app and arrange a date if you're "not ready" to date?! What an idiot.*

It happens. Many people join and then realise that they're not ready when it comes down to it!

Original poster

writergirl747474 · 04/12/2020 16:21

@ravenmum

So he got cold feet or had a self-esteem crisis and you called him a prick? You're merciless OP!

At least the substantial meal might make them a bit less randy?

Oh come on he deserved it! He'd already changed the date from Sat to Sun and I'd been cool about it - so he messed up my weekend arrangements twice. I just thought it was so self pitying.

OP posts:

Original poster

writergirl747474 · 04/12/2020 16:24

@user1481840227

I called him a prick and he complained I wasn't "understanding". But I don't understand.... why join a dating app and arrange a date if you're "not ready" to date?! What an idiot.*

It happens. Many people join and then realise that they're not ready when it comes down to it!

Yeah maybe but perhaps when they arrange a date they should take a second to think that there's another person involved. It's not just about them and their need for an ego boost/ broken heart.

It was annoying as there were zero clues of any doubts about meeting up until that point. He seemed really nice. And we were going for coffee, not a candlelit meal, so no pressure.

OP posts:

Willow79 · 04/12/2020 16:30

I predicted this on a MN thread back in March!

I said it would lead to a rise of unsafe situations because more people would go straight to the home. To be honest I'm just waiting it out until we are vaccinated. I joined online dating temporarily and a guy asked me where I lived in the city in his second message

GreenlandTheMovie · 04/12/2020 16:30

Waiting for my post above to be quoted, misquoted and picked to pieces, with a particular focus on a single word that particularly attracts attention...

ravenmum · 04/12/2020 16:30

Honestly OP, I do admire your tough attitude, though I think it might really be offputting for some prospective suitors, even those who might not deserve it. But as long as you're aware that that's how it comes across, it isn't a bad thing - if they can't handle the heat it's not worth it them going in your kitchen

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