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Original poster

Anyone else tired of being objectified / men's entitlement?

56 replies

Crazyfrog999 · 01/12/2020 15:50

Mid 30s, dating. I've noticed in recent years how focussed men have become on looks. Perhaps it's always been this way. But since I turned 30, and dating slightly older men, I've noticed how much more entitled they are, and how critical they are too. I'm often told I am attractive by friends, colleagues etc. I've been referred to as a 'MILF', despite looking much, much younger than any man I've dated, and having no kids, one guy even said he wouldn't normally date women over 30 - ie I'm a little on the old side for him, despite him being in his 40s! One guy said I wasn't in good shape enough, despite being a size 8/10, and going to the gym regularly and eating well.

I tend not to date good looking men, so usually average looking men - most people would consider me a catch physically compared to these guys. I don't place much importance on looks anyway. Regardless, none of these guys are Brad Pitt to be that entitled and demanding!

What on earth is going on? Confused

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 01/12/2020 15:55

I've been referred to as a 'MILF', despite looking much, much younger than any man I've dated, and having no kids, one guy even said he wouldn't normally date women over 30 - ie I'm a little on the old side for him, despite him being in his 40s!

The fucking cheek of it

Original poster
Crazyfrog999 · 01/12/2020 17:21

The fucking cheek of it I know Confused

OP posts:
Rainbowshine · 01/12/2020 17:22

I do think that there’s a “sweet shop” mentality, perhaps from dating apps, that seems to have become more apparent. At least you can consider it a useful way of filtering out the ones you never want to see again! Yuck 🤢

AryaStarkWolf · 01/12/2020 17:24

@Rainbowshine

I do think that there’s a “sweet shop” mentality, perhaps from dating apps, that seems to have become more apparent. At least you can consider it a useful way of filtering out the ones you never want to see again! Yuck 🤢
That's true
EarthSight · 01/12/2020 17:26

What's going on is that some of these men are single for good reason. The dating pool reduces dramatically. Others are there to shop for women and don't think they're speaking to a human being when they make those comments.

I think a lot of men use dating apps for sex, no matter what they say on their profiles. They have a very transactional view of relationships. It's very practical, but very dehuminising as well. I think some of them think that because they have a good salary, they should be able to get a pretty young woman as well that's to their exact specification (just like would if they were ordering a blow up doll). Also, men might be a lot more upfront and bold about what they want.

StillCantSleep · 01/12/2020 17:28

There have been a few threads along a similar vein over the past few days.

You're not wrong. It's awful.

I keep reading how it's better for women over 40 because we care less about our looks. Not that we neglect them, more that we are less insecure about them. I'm in my mid 40s and I've been largely single since I was 37. Every new relationship I've had since then has resulted in the men criticising my appearance/age despite being/looking younger than them.

I could have an affair though, quite easily. My appearance/age is somewhat less off putting to married men regardless of their age, I find... 🙄

BigFatLiar · 01/12/2020 17:30

@Rainbowshine

I do think that there’s a “sweet shop” mentality, perhaps from dating apps, that seems to have become more apparent. At least you can consider it a useful way of filtering out the ones you never want to see again! Yuck 🤢
I take it you're referring to women using dating aps.

I don't see it particularly as a male entitlement thing, the whole dating issue goes both ways. Perhaps males are more upfront about it.

StillCantSleep · 01/12/2020 17:37

BigFatLiar

I don't know. Yes, women have expectations too but generally women want someone mind, loyal and faithful. Which any man can be with a bit of effort.

Men want someone 18-29, slim, beautiful, sexually available for whatever proclivity they have regardless of their own age/appearance.

Original poster
Crazyfrog999 · 01/12/2020 17:41

I don't see it particularly as a male entitlement thing, the whole dating issue goes both ways. Perhaps males are more upfront about it.

Sure, there'll be shallow and entitled women out there, but I have not met any. Meanwhile, I am actually criticised with unwanted - and quite frankly - abusive comments from these men. They are hardly George Clooney themselves. My male friends have said some of these men will clearly be negging me because I am attractive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazyfrog999 · 01/12/2020 17:44

Also, despite making these comments, they pursue me and want a relationship! Confused

OP posts:
timeforanewstart · 01/12/2020 18:18

You won't know the women because your not looking them up on dating sites
Most of us are often attracted to out partners by loOks at first , obviously beaUty is in the eye of the beholder as they say , so who i find attractive may not be someone elses cup of tea

Porgy · 01/12/2020 18:23

How does she not know the women? She might be looking for a partner of either sex and just noticed this behaviour from the men.

I do believe the majority of people on OLD are looking for sex rather than a relationship, regardless of what their profile might say. Which is the problem.

ukgift2016 · 01/12/2020 18:23

They are putting you in your place. Yes seriously, it is a thing for pathetic men.

Can I ask why you seem to be focusing your attention on average looking men? You say you do not date 'goodlooking men' why is this?

Tiny2018 · 01/12/2020 18:38

I agree about the whole sweet shop analogy for online dating. Men, as usual have the pick of the bunch it seems. Some of them seem to forget that they aren't Gods gift to women, and that one day they'll be way too fat and bald to even stand a chance of a date with someone like you.
They squander potential long term happiness for short term kicks and it will inevitable come back to bite many firmly in the butt.

Sociallydefunct · 01/12/2020 19:12

I think on OLD, I have been told that men see a lot of bots/scammers, which have beautiful model photos. I think this gives them the impression that lots of young beautiful women are available to them and gives some of them the impression that they are doing you a favour as there normal matches are astounding attractive.

Closetbeanmuncher · 01/12/2020 20:08

I think this gives them the impression that lots of young beautiful women are available to them and gives some of them the impression that they are doing you a favour as there normal matches are astounding attractive

Surely no-one can be that fucking stupid 😂😂

mumieone · 01/12/2020 20:17

I had lowered by standards talking to not the guys I felt were WOW but they had to feel I was WOW. I'm made alot of effort and even at my slimmest, most dolled up beautiful they still kept looking for better. I've stopped bothering now.
They are more or less all still single/pretending to be single becuase as you know most of the men online are only single until you catch them out.

Yes they want younger, 'independent' women who earn their own money, can pay for their own dates - hence online one of the first questions they like to ask is 'what do you do for a living' . This question really is a multiple of questions in one sentence. 1. Do you have a job 2. What level on the executive ladder/payroll are you 3. Are you worth chatting to for a cheap date that will pay for yourself and require no romance as a hard feminist (often assumed you will be one). 3. They want to know if you are divorced with kids what you ex did? This is to find out if you are getting any useful amount to make you financially worthy of spending time with.

I find alot of them are seeking someone to have free weekend getaways (at her place becuase they generally rent or live back with mum or caravans if they will ever admit it). If they like the occassional drop ins for free food and sex and a break from their 'hidden't wives they will turn try and see you more. If genuinely single most I've chatted to it's pretty obvious are looking for FREE accomodation 'i.e. yours' that they can eventually move into even if they don't like you so they can save up enough capital to dump you and get the slim younger women they wanted in the first place. Cocklodgers!

I'm not fooled by their jobs - Guys in top jobs ...directors of big companies etc they all follow this game plan.

BigFatLiar · 01/12/2020 20:20

Yes, women have expectations too but generally women want someone mind, loyal and faithful. Which any man can be with a bit of effort.

I think this is the sort of statement similar to 'I really want to eat organic and be environmentally friendly', we say it but tend to go with what's convenient or affordable (but maybe feel a little guilty).

I'm sure many women do want what you say but when faced with the choice won't necessarily choose the loyal, faithful possibly a little dull man over the fun, exciting.

I suspect you may find the potentially loyal faithful single men may have well settled to fishing, reading, trains and other hobbies. Several of DH's male friends got so used to being mocked for not being trendy they gave up any idea of marriage and are now fairly settled in their ways. They weren't unattractive just a bit techie and awkward. Women (especially younger women) can be unpleasant. This was before OLD became the thing.

Whatabambam · 01/12/2020 20:30

Tell them to go do one. You are probably so lovely that the only way they think they have any chance with you is to undermine you. Maybe change the dating app

Nackajory · 01/12/2020 20:36

I agree with Whatabambam. Also I think its clear evidence of male entitlement. I steer clear, really can't be bothered putting myself put there like a piece of meat. All the expectations of sex, them thinking you need to be validated by a man. Yuk.

Original poster
Crazyfrog999 · 01/12/2020 21:02

Thanks Whatabambam Flowers Good advice. I'm actually going to stop the apps and return to meeting men through social activities, gatherings etc. You could meet some decent guys through OLD a decade ago. Now it's just absolutely horrendous and not worth the utter shite you have to go through, to meet one semi-decent guy.

OP posts:
puttergal · 01/12/2020 23:57

I think a lot (maybe most) of the men on OLD are the dregs.
Don't worry about it and try and find real connections with real men in the real world.
Much more satisfactory.

Separatedandabitsad · 02/12/2020 00:09

Depressing! I need my faith in men restored . I had horrid experience on OLD too from entitled self centred men. I came off OLD sites & won’t be going back on them. I’d love to meet a kind man but never again will I lower my standards to give the amount of power I gave to men who weren’t worthy of a reply to a text.

coronaway · 02/12/2020 00:45

OLD is terrible for both women and men (I have s number of single guy friends and also a brother - you would not believe the stories!).

My advice is to delete the apps and never to return. If more people did this dating would improve drastically imo.

Separatedandabitsad · 02/12/2020 01:12

It’s not that I’d hope men suffer too but it is a bit of a relief that men have awful experiences too! The only problem with deleting the apps is I have very few opportunities to meet men otherwise! I go in them in lonely moments & then remember why I hate them & go off again! It’d be nice to have a dating life though but I couldn’t go back to OLD again even though there are a lot of men to meet there. I hate that we’re supposed to endure it as though it’s our fault we’re single. Frankly I might take my chances as a single woman for now