are long term relationships & marriages past their societal sell buy date

[Princessleila86]

so having read a lot of threads on here and in my own experiences it seems a lot of marriages / long term relationships just aren't working like they used to

there seems to be an enormous amount of discontentment in todays society/relationships and im really starting to question whether a finding a partner and getting married is actually the be all and end all of achievement in life
( which is how its been sold for donkeys years)

how do people realistically stay together for 20/30/40 years without driving each other mental !?! or the attraction dwindling or sex becoming stale and boring (which it almost inevitably will over the duration)

and its all very well and good just saying ah yea well we do it for the kids but that doesn't do anything to stem the individual discontentment

there seems to be too many alternative options / ideas and fantasys at the moment for anything to truly last more than a few years

perhaps i am just being sceptical but looking around me i cant really see one relationship that's stood the test of time and the people in it can honestly say they are as happy as the day they met .......even the ones who portray it to be all sunshine and roses in public seem to have cracks showing underneath the façade

I do understand what you mean OP.

I would say we are happily married (doesn't mean he doesn't annoy the shit out of me sometimes and I want to punch him) but generally we tick along nicely, laugh, are pretty chilled and still have fulfilling sex.

So so so many of my friends are miserable in their relationships, moan constantly, seem really down. It's so hard, as they won't split up, just accept a life of misery. They deserve better but they are afraid of splitting up the family'. It's so difficult.

What is the solution to the fear of splitting up the family, though?

Mine was the first generation where many people just co-habited, but once children came into the equation it was still difficult not to have a degree of connection to the other parent, and also harder to bring multiple new sexual partners in without impacting the children.

Definitely not a fan of keeping unhappy long term relationships going for the sake of it, but not sure there is another fits-all-sizes solution going either.

Ideally the solution is an amicable split and good co-parenting. It's possible, I've seen it done. The couple in question just grew apart, they both acknowledged they were better off as friends and they've both behaved like sensible adults and good parents. However, that does mean people need to accept that sometimes it's just over. In too many relationships one or both partners feel the split is a battle that needs a winner and a loser, and that needs to change.

And of course where there is abuse, things are always going to get complicated.

I don't think there is a simple fits-all solution; I think there are many solutions for different situations. But they all hinge on people being decent to each other.

That's exactly what I feel pointythings- lots of different solutions.

I think it's inevitable that the viability of long-term relationships will be impacted by increasing lifespans