husband and MIL think I'm too skinny postpartum

[Seashells09]

I need to rant.

I'm 6 months postpartum, I've always been around 8 stones. Ever since my husband's knew me I've been this weight. During my pregnancy I went to 9 stones but now I've dropped back to 8. Which I am fine with.

We went to DH house and his mum was saying how "skinny" I look and now all of a sudden DH said to me I could do with putting some more weight on. WTF! I got annoyed at him saying I thought you loved my body as it is, he said he does but there's nothing wrong with me being abit more curvier. I'm so pissed off that his mother has influenced how he feels about my body. I've told him he needs to tell his mum not to talk about me or I will have to.

My whole life I've had people commenting on my "bones" and when I found my husband he loved me for me. Its really hard for me to gain weight because I have fast metabolism. I spent tons on a PT before pregnancy and I was happy and confident until he opened his mouth this morning. I am so annoyed at him.

I've told him I am who I am and if he wants someone curvier he knows were the door is. There's making a suggestion and then there's telling me what I should do. I won't be gaining weight just for him, he needs to love me for the woman I am.

How bizarre - have you reminded him that you’re just exactly the same as you were before? Why do they think you should be a different body shape now, how strange and rude of them both

His mother I've noticed has insecurities over her weight. She only eats small portions so she doesn't gain more weight. Yet she's telling me I need to gain weight. It makes no sense to me. Husband thinks she just cares about me. Lol! She's always make digs about me being skinny but todays the first time his and agreed with her.

I'm pretty sure its jealousy. I've always been slim built, I have a lot of dogs and a fast metabolism so between my exercise amounts, healthy eating and metabolism I stay slim, I didn't show much during pregnancy and didn't gain much weight, then when child was born I was below my start weight.

The ones who pointed it out all the time and tried to make me feel bad about it were always the ones that are insecure about their own weight.

I don't mean to minimise how it's made you feel OP and of course you should not alter your appearance unless you want to, but could it be your husband just doesn't want you to feel pressured to maintain a slender physique especially now you've had a baby? As in, he's not saying "gain weight" or "I like you curvier" but rather "don't stress yourself out trying to stay thin because I love you anyway"? Maybe he thinks you've been dieting / depriving yourself and wants you to take it easy. Just reminds me of my dh after I'd had a baby - I was the opposite as was a stone overweight and stressed about that, and he told me not to get upset/crash diet but just to look after myself and not worry. He didn't mean he thought I looked better chubby, he was just trying to be supportive. I may be totally wrong in your case as I wasn't there but just based on my experience!

Just on the off chance - are you sure you haven't lost weight recently? I've known two already slim friends suddenly lose a worrying amount of weight when their babies were a few months old. Neither had noticed until it was pointed out to them. One was simply due to not eating enough calories for breastfeeding, the other was a thyroid problem which can happen after pregnancy.

Check your BMI . Send them the calculation in an email pointing out that you are perfectly healthy, you are happy as you are and further discussion would be plain rude.

Sometimes you need to put it in black and white to get through to people.

I think my MIL is trying to make me feel insecure, and husband is just agreeing with her comments as "mummy's always right!". She's not my mum and my body is none of her business, I'll be making it known the next time I see her.

"Husband thinks she just cares about me."

Oh dear.

I spent most of my adult life being skinny, and hated people pointing it out to me, so I understand how you feel.

However, maybe you have lost a bit of weight and your husband is getting concerned. You don't say how tall you are. At my height (5'7") I would look emaciated at 8 stone.

What is your daily food intake like?

Next time MIL or your DH comment, just reply ' I'm quite happy with myself actually'.
Or you could reverse it and tell your DH that there would be nothing wrong with putting on some extra muscle or toning up a bit, or changing his hairstyle.

How tall are you?

It’s so crap when people feel they need to comment on your appearance. Too skinny, too fat. Both are the same. Rude and especially thoughtless 6 months post partum. Just a heads up, often women find it hard to rebuild muscle after giving birth, it’s because of the hormones, especially if you are still nursing. which is more reason to tell them to keep their opinions to themselves. Your body is still recovering. You are doing the best that you can to be healthy and take care of your baby. These comments are so unnecessary. They don’t get to have an opinion

Have you been actively dieting and exercising to get back to your pre pregnancy weight or has the weight loss been through just normal healthy eating and your normal level of exercise?

How you maintain your 8 stone weight is probably an important factor here. If that's your natural healthy weight then fine. If you limit your food and/or have an intense exercise regime to stay at that weight then maybe that is his concern.

If you have always been 8 stone and that is where your weight naturally sits without any disordered eating or over exercising, then you are well within your rights to tell them to sod off.
Their comments seem to be about the aesthetics of your body as opposed to a concern about your health ?

I'm 5"6 and I'm not doing anything different than before. I'm eating the same healthy portions. I'm not worried about my weight or excessively dieting. I'm just going with the flow and appreciating my body for what it has done giving birth and how it looks now. It is nothing different so I don't see why his mum is being so horrible and him.

MIL sounds jealous as hell

That gives you a BMI of 17.9 which is underweight. It might be worth getting your thyroid checked out.

I don't understand why your husband is being horrible about it. When DD lost a lot of weight I just said to her that I was worried about her (she was depressed and borderline anorexic). Fortunately she got through this.

Are you breastfeeding?

I am jealous of you !

You have been this weight your adult life therefore you are clearly a healthy weight for YOU

He is being an arse

Oh I get that, it’s always off people who weigh more than they’d like to.

I went hyperthyroid after birth and got very skinny.

"Actually I was just thinking I look bloody fabulous, not everyone gets to snap back, lucky me" and look her dead in the eye.

And I hate the term snapping back as well but she sounds like a right one.

Op my big brother took me to one side when I was 6 months pp and told me I looked crap, really, really crap - verbatim. I hadn't realised how much weight I'd lost and I was a bit lighter than I should've been at 49kg. It still really, really hurt though. I like your attitude of just appreciating your body's achievements. It's important that you and your family remember that bodies aren't static, they change all the time. Your body is still settling and adapting to the things it's done and the new demands on it.

Only you know what's really the 'right' weight for you as an individual. The only thing I would say is that at your height and body weight consider looking into strength training to future proof your bones.

Wishing you all the best.

I am 5’7” and after my first child I went down to 8st 11lbs, I looked emancipated and felt tired the whole time, despite a healthy diet. The weight went back up very slowly to my ideal 9st3lbs.
We are all different, if you are happy and healthy don’t let it bother you.

Emaciated