husband and MIL think I'm too skinny postpartum

[Seashells09]

I need to rant.

I'm 6 months postpartum, I've always been around 8 stones. Ever since my husband's knew me I've been this weight. During my pregnancy I went to 9 stones but now I've dropped back to 8. Which I am fine with.

We went to DH house and his mum was saying how "skinny" I look and now all of a sudden DH said to me I could do with putting some more weight on. WTF! I got annoyed at him saying I thought you loved my body as it is, he said he does but there's nothing wrong with me being abit more curvier. I'm so pissed off that his mother has influenced how he feels about my body. I've told him he needs to tell his mum not to talk about me or I will have to.

My whole life I've had people commenting on my "bones" and when I found my husband he loved me for me. Its really hard for me to gain weight because I have fast metabolism. I spent tons on a PT before pregnancy and I was happy and confident until he opened his mouth this morning. I am so annoyed at him.

I weigh about the same as you, always have my entire adult life except for during pregnancies. I have noticed looking back at photos that even though my weight is about the same, during breastfeeding I don’t look very well (which my mother points out religiously)...seem to lose too much from my face and arms and look a little sickly though I am not and it all shifts back eventually. I do get comments on “too skinny” after each baby which I hate, people need to mind their own bodies.

I think they’re just being insecure and maybe even a bit misogynistic by projecting this on to you. I would ignore them. It’s much better being how you are than a blob with three bellies etc

What’s your bmi, about 17? Isn’t this the level usually used for anorexia diagnosis?

Anorexia shouldn't be diagnosed by BMI. The following is taken from bodywhys

Anorexia Nervosa is an eating disorder characterised by three aspects:

1. A persistent restriction of energy intake (food) leading to a person becoming significantly underweight (for what is expected for their age, sex, developmental stage, and physical health).

1. Alongside this energy intake restriction and significant low weight, there must be (for diagnosis) an intense fear of gaining weight or of becoming fat, or a persistent behaviour that interferes with weight gain (even though significantly low weight).

1. Disturbance in the way one’s body weight or shape is experienced, undue influence of body shape and weight on self-evaluation or persistent lack of recognition of the seriousness of the current body weight.

Honestly OP.. You are obviously naturally very slim. I think it's great that you've got back to your original weight..

I'd ignore your meddling MIL but the fact that your DH has commented when he previously hasn't suggests he is concerned... Pregnancy often changes body shape meaning you need to be slightly heavier to look the same facially, looking after a newborn can often make you look shattered. This may be making you look gaunt and therefore worrying him.

When you are ready is it worth comparing photos of pre pregnancy to now? See if you honestly do look different? Just as it may help you understand why your husband said it and if he really just has your back?

Im sorry they have upset you so much...

Are you breastfeeding, OP?

I ask because if you are, you might be 'too skinny' even if you are the same weight as pre-pregnancy.

I am 5ft 5 and naturally sit around 8st, when breastfeeding that tends to dip to 7.5 stone, and that's in spite of breasts weighing more (so the rest of the body weighs even less).

Breastfeeding is such a huge demand on your body.

I’d remind this insensitive pair that you can’t fatten up a thoroughbred.

I wouldn't necessarily think it's malicious. You've obviously recently had a baby, so they've been used to seeing you with a little bit of extra weight for a while, and once you lose the baby weight people can look very slim compared to what you've been used to seeing in the last few months. I wouldn't be super offended, just give them time to get used to you being baby at pre baby weight.

I was sent to a dietician in both pregnancies as i was similar height and weight to you. Dietician had no issues at all with my diet. I breastfed both and, due to the breastfeeding, snapped back very quickly.

You have two choices:
Smile and ignore
‘Kindly’ point out what they could do with improving

My cousin had an anatomical abnormality which meant she couldn't eat much so never gained weight. It did her head in when she was accused of anorexia. This happened often, she got unfairly labeled. She didn't have an obsession with staying thin. It just wasn't comfortable to eat very much.

Then again, it wasn't until she got severely thin that her problem was found. And later fixed with surgery. Point being, you ARE underweight. Whether this is comfortable for you is different from whether it is good for you or indeed an acceptable situation.

You'll make it all go away much sooner by shrugging it off & not getting upset about it.

I doubt you are anorexic but you are slightly underweight and as a PP said if BFing that might mean minus beasts you are more underweight than you were previously. Do you do enough exercise? A bit of muscle building and related increase in protein consumption might be sufficient. Or you might gain a bit of weight when you stop BFing.

8 stone at 5'6" is not very underweight, but it is slightly underweight.

I was similarly slightly underweight for many years, perfectly naturally and perfectly healthily.

Some people just are skinny. Your body may however have changed after pregnancy so that although your weight is the same as pre-pregnancy, it is differently distributed, eg your boobs may weigh a couple of pounds more, and this weight has gone from your face, and this is what your DH and MIL have noticed.

Whoops sorry haven't read the whole thread, I see everyone else has said about the boobs too

@doadeer

I think it was cruel of your partner to say you should be "curvier" -I know slim friends who find these comments upsetting as it's hard to be "curvier"

They might just be worried about you... It's hard to say.

Do you look slimmer than before? Are you a petite build?

I agree 'curvier' was a tactless word to use, makes it sound more about appearance than health. I think you handled it well and hopefully shut it down! If you are eating healthily and feel fine it really isn't helpful of them.

You can't bloody win can you, you're either too fat or too thin, never just right. Just ignore them.

Some people naturally sit at a bmi of 17 or 18. They are not lucky or unlucky, just built that way and at one end of the range.

I wouldn't take it too personally, Ive always been underweight due to a metabolic disorder and thats just how it is, I cannot chang that.

You say in one of your posts you are not excessively dieting, does that mean you have been cutting down?

You obviously have a fast metabolism, but as you are breatfeeding it is wise to up the calorie intake and lessen the enery expended, if you naturally rip through calories.

Your babe will take all the nutrients needed first before you, and this can lead to deficiencies in your own body. ie: teeth can suffer, skin and basically any organ in the body that needs energy.

Women really need to look after themselves through this physically demanding time, a bit like an assault course, don't let the annoyance of your MIL offend you to the point that you close yourself off to good advice.

OP,
Your weight is none of your MIL's business.
You say she makes dig about it.
Time for her to be very firmly put in her place.

Your husband is out of order.

I can't stand people who feel the need to comment on a person's opinion other that to say "you look great".

I think you putting up with this has been part of the problem.

Continue to let your husband know he has fxxked up.

The cheek of them both discussing you like you are a slab of meat🤨

@Seashells09

I spent tons on a PT before pregnancy and I was happy and confident until he opened his mouth this morning

Tell us more about the PT - what was the objective?

Why does it matter if OP has lost a bit of weight in the face anyway?