husband and MIL think I'm too skinny postpartum

[Seashells09]

I need to rant.

I'm 6 months postpartum, I've always been around 8 stones. Ever since my husband's knew me I've been this weight. During my pregnancy I went to 9 stones but now I've dropped back to 8. Which I am fine with.

We went to DH house and his mum was saying how "skinny" I look and now all of a sudden DH said to me I could do with putting some more weight on. WTF! I got annoyed at him saying I thought you loved my body as it is, he said he does but there's nothing wrong with me being abit more curvier. I'm so pissed off that his mother has influenced how he feels about my body. I've told him he needs to tell his mum not to talk about me or I will have to.

My whole life I've had people commenting on my "bones" and when I found my husband he loved me for me. Its really hard for me to gain weight because I have fast metabolism. I spent tons on a PT before pregnancy and I was happy and confident until he opened his mouth this morning. I am so annoyed at him.

I've just done your bmi and it came out as 18.2, which is fine. I definitely feel people feel its ok to comment on people when they're slim. I used to get comments when in reality I wasn't eating properly due to depression.
I desperately wanted to eat and gain weight, but I was so anxious I kept throwing it up (I ended up on medication for this!).
People telling me how skinny I looked just made it 10 x worse!
This is very different to your case, but I'm just sympathising. People think it's acceptable to skinny shame, when it really got me down

Tell them never to comment on someone's body. Neither as a compliment nor as an insult. It is rude.

What’s your bmi, about 17? Isn’t this the level usually used for anorexia diagnosis?

I’m torn, if you’ve been like this all your adult life the. I don’t understand why they are both commenting suddenly now. However you are under weight, and it could be concern.

I'm sorry OP, if no one else on this thread is going to say it I will...

mil might be a jealous bitch but the simple fact is your are very underweight. 8st at 5'6 is not OK.

I think you need to seek some medical guidance, check your thyroid etc.

I got similar comments from family/friends after having DS, so I know how you feel OP. In my case, I breastfed and quite quickly dropped a lot of weight, so where I'd be a pretty constant 9st pre baby I was just above 8 from about 6 weeks PP. I literally ate and ate and ate and it made no difference, but people (apart from DH who obviously saw how much I was consuming) still felt the need to comment and tell me I really did need to eat more and consider my health for the sake of DS Ultimately I think you just have to ignore them if you know yourself you're healthy and eating well.

@Takingontheundead

I'm sorry OP, if no one else on this thread is going to say it I will...

mil might be a jealous bitch but the simple fact is your are very underweight. 8st at 5'6 is not OK.

I think you need to seek some medical guidance, check your thyroid etc.

8st at 5'6" is absolutely not "very underweight"

@Bluntness100

What’s your bmi, about 17? Isn’t this the level usually used for anorexia diagnosis?

I’m torn, if you’ve been like this all your adult life the. I don’t understand why they are both commenting suddenly now. However you are under weight, and it could be concern.

No anorexia indicator is usually BMI below 15

While it is fairly low weight for someone of OPs height surely the fact that she has conceived, carried and given birth to a child would suggest it is not unhealthily low.

I'm a bit shorter than you and have weighed around 7.5 - 7.75 stone all my life. Every so often someone will say I have lost weight, when it's never the case. Could be the clothes I'm wearing or possibly that I look pale and wan.

Maybe you look unhealthy in some way? Skin tone? Less well muscled than before? Is it necessarily the jealous insult of a mil?

I don't regard the comments I get as being caused by jealousy. I'm skinny as well as light and I don't see that as particularly attractive. I'd rather have more muscle / flesh in some places!!

Hi,

Just wanted to say please don't let some of these responses telling you that you are underweight and anorexic upset you - you know yourself if your weight is healthy for you. I weigh less than you (am a little shorter too) and it is simply genetic. My whole family is similar. My whole teenage years and twenties I tried (hard!) to put on weight as people would make similar comments and it was a pretty unhappy experience. I'm over it now and happy the way I am. Some people can be so inconsiderate when talking about thin/slimness- and I guess they have no idea about the hurt it can cause.

Also - in case it's useful, I went through a slimmer than usual stage about 6 months postpartum - in my case it was breastfeeding and lots of walking the baby around in buggy etc which did it. Nothing to worry about and am back to normal weight again a few months later.

If you feel healthy and happy try to brush off what other people say - it's much more likely to be their own issues coming to the surface than anything else. I'm sorry your husband doesn't sound more supportive at the moment and really hope you will be able to talk it out together to move forward :)

Just point out to mil that you’ll gain some weight once she’s lost some. After all if it’s ok to tell you you’re too skinny she can’t say anything if you point out that she’s too fat! Then change the subject.

If that doesn’t shut her up, I don’t know what will.

I think it was cruel of your partner to say you should be "curvier" -I know slim friends who find these comments upsetting as it's hard to be "curvier"

They might just be worried about you... It's hard to say.

Do you look slimmer than before? Are you a petite build?

It doesn’t make sense though, if the op has always been this weight why are both husband and mil suddenly commenting she looks skinny. She would look normal to them. So something is adrift here.

I've told him he needs to tell his mum not to talk about me or I will have to.

I'm surprised you didn't tell her at the time tbh.

@Bluntness100

It doesn’t make sense though, if the op has always been this weight why are both husband and mil suddenly commenting she looks skinny. She would look normal to them. So something is adrift here.

Probably the shift in weight after the pregnancy.

I was just less than 8 stone before and after my first pregnancy but I did look a lot thinner afterwards.

I'd tell her to piss off TBH - I'm roughly the same size as you (though 3 months pregnant now) and have had comments like this all my life! Some people are just naturally slim without dieting and have really fast metabolisms.

My family are all slim, it's my genetics. I've had a blood test postpartum and everything was fine. I am not underweight, I have a BMI of 18.3. I feel healthy physically, I didn't even think anything about my weight until my husband's comments this morning.

He's made one comment & you're getting super angry? Your strong response is a sign that there's some truth to him seeing that you're too thin.

Just because he didn't comment earlier doesn't mean your weight was ok earlier.

My Mil has always passed comments on my weight ever since I got married. My husband has never agreed with her until this morning.

I used to get called skinny bones and ironing board during my college years which I never let impact me. I didn't think weight would be such an issue in my adult life. I just turned 30 last month.

What bmi calculator are people using? On the nhs one it comes out at 18.2, which is just in the underweight category. If you eat healthy meals, as you've said Op, then I suspect you're fine.
My family are all skinny like this and perfectly healthy.

How are you finding the BMI? 8 stone at 5ft 6 inches is a BMI of 17.9 on the NHS website.

That does seem a little light but it's only 3 lb between your weight at 8stone and what would be the lower side of healthy. If you've always been there and really do eat well and feel healthy in yourself then tell them that. And to get stuffed

I am not underweight, I have a BMI of 18.3.
The healthy BMI range starts at 18.5, or 8st 3 at 5ft 6, I'm guessing you are 8st 2 then? Not much in it, but you could try to gain a couple of pounds, though for your health, not for your DH. Completely hypocritical of me as my BMI is slightly lower, but I have a history of EDs.

What’s your bmi, about 17? Isn’t this the level usually used for anorexia diagnosis?

Balls. Mine is 17 and I eat like a horse. Tall and activitie.

Active* went French there for a second