Where do we go from here

[Tatiannatomasina]

Married 11 years, emigrated a while ago and now live far from home. Both have stressful jobs dealing with trauma and the worst things that people can do to one another. DH is struggling to deal with how his work is affecting him, possibly ptsd or vicarious trauma. Sought help a while ago but only solved his issues with sleeping and nothing else. He has become increasingly snappy and withdrawn emotionally. It all came to a head yesterday when he told me I am too money oriented, he wishes we had never bought our rental property and due to a health condition I have he resents that we can't eat out like we used to and hates my style of cooking. I have serious allergies, diagnosed, and dont trust restaurants after some scary experiences.I eat a limited diet, its boring and I no longer enjoy eating out as my choices are so limited. He overeats and I am concerned about his weight and have told him so, but he sees that as an attack. Whenever we are not together he eats whatever he wants and in large amounts. I think he is trying to manage his emotions through food.
He is terrible with money, was in debt when we met. I sorted it all out, got us on track and we are now financially very secure. He used to be happy for me to make all the financial decisions, but now he is saying the exact opposite.
He now suffers from ed to a degree and doesnt want to kiss me.
I never realised he held such resentment towards me until now. He is emotionally distant from his family, doesnt really have any friends.
I have asked him to go see someone to talk about his ptsd but he keeps putting it off, he is worried that it will affect his work if they find out.
Our whole life is on the line now, I feel blindsided by his revalations and dont know where to turn.
I have suffered from burnout and vicarious trauma myself, but got through it and feel I can cope. He wants me to support him but I have no idea how to do this, other than to suggest he asks for professional help which he is resisting.
Sorry its so disjointed, my thoughts are in a whirl. I cant eat, and am struggling to sleep. I feel so sad but cant see a way through this at all. I feel paralysed by indecision, but am starting to feel bolts of anger too.

I dont really have anything helpful to add, just that my own ltr relationship started breaking down a couple of Christmases ago, before he moved out and ghosted me whilst I was at work the following June. I never found out any more details as our mutual friend were his first. I spent months torturing myself over who he really was and what he was of wasn't doing behind my back. Please try your hardest not to fall into that trap.

I really relate to how you feel regarding relationships and I hope you manage to dig deep, find somebody new and get the love you deserve. This of course feels a way off atm. So right now please just look after yourself, have lots of baths, cry and grieve the life you thought you would have.

Please have the Christmas you want not the Christmas you think you should have all the best xxxxx

Thank you, I am too bloody proud and stubborn to ever tell him I want him back. That would feel like a betrayal of myself. I know he won't ask and if he did I would never trust him again. How he has behaved is proof he only cares about himself and by God I am going to do the same.

To add insult to injury he has wrapped 2 presents for me and left them under the tree with a card saying I can do what I want with them and no one should have nothing to unwrap at Christmas. I know what the presents are as we ordered them together and I told him I didnt want them and to send them back. I am assuming this is his guilt talking, but it makes me feel like shit.