50+, porn addicted, appalling sexual expectations and ED

[Notrightorgoodbutfun]

I saw it on another thread (perhaps the affair one?) and as PPs were describing this breed of men, I realised this just charaterised my last three years of dating/sex, online or not.

I'm not looking for "should I date them/stay with them/dump them," I am just intellectually curious as to why so many of them have come out like this?

Like other posters, I am 40+, post-divorce, with a few kids, a few saggy bits but not bad looking, I take care of myself.

Dating and having sex with these men is like dating two different people in the same body. They are perfectly normal at work, at home, with friends, have jobs, some money in the bank, can chat about culture, the news, life - emotionally aware experienced and literate as often have teenage children and a marrage behind them, good to take to a party, conversationalists, occasionally charming.

Yet at the same time the first sexual suggestions are extreme and incomprehsnible to me. If they were suggested by someone I did not yet know I would think that person was a sadist or a psychopath. Yet they are not.

Not one of these men who I've met who I've had sex with has been able to get an erection the first time we had sex. With just me and my naked body and theirs. Literally like stuffing a marshmallow into a postbox. Yet they are still keen. Why? The ones who have managed it I've found viagra packets in their bathrooms just lying there open.

If I've gone along with the sexual acrobatics and dressing up and lingerie and imitating porn, I have been lucky enough to get an erection.

I just don't understand. Why has porn turned a generation of 50+ year olds into "anal sex on the first date" ? Why are they not aware of it? Aren't they embarrassed that they can't see a woman's naked body and get an erection? That she has to be wearing latex for them to even get a softie?

God, I am so glad I am out of the dating scene.

Perhaps this is why they are divorced?

I'm male, 40 and two years separated with kids. Divorced a few months back.

Sorry but I have no idea. This genuinely surprises me. What sites are you using assuming OLD?

I'm 47, and haven't found this at all.

Gross. I’d rather be single

I’ve found this with men in their late 20s and 30s. It’s getting worse and worse.

This sounds grim as hell

Men with highly computer based jobs are terrible for it. In marriage too - they're utterly ruined. Men with low computer usage much more normal and more likely to be actually nice. 3 guesses why. 🤔

I haven't found this tbh. Last bloke I shagged was 53, from OLD, and he was fine.
But, since I look younger than my age, I've decided to say I am a few years younger. It seems to be the norm for men to go for women 5-10 years younger than themselves, so I'm simply evening it out a little bit.

Ughh, nobody wants a flumpy marshmallow squished in

Last three men I’ve dated have clearly become desensitised to normal sex with a woman.

Do you just attract a certain type of man?

I met DH in my early 30’s so it was a different age bracket when I dated but never came across guys like that.

I imagine that they still think they're sex gods.

Flumpy marshmallow squished in a letter box, hahaha! And the saggy balls. And pasty butt.

This has made me think that I can't remember anyone I ever dated before being married being sexually normal. Talking 15 years ago. All nice men, but perverted in bed. Never made love to me or loving in bed at all, just raging pervs. So maybe a lot of men (or most men!) are just like that?

Hmm this doesn’t match with my (limited) experience. I’m much younger but have been sleeping with a man in his late 50s and it’s without doubt the best sex I’ve ever had. He’s gentle and caring (or less gentle if that’s what I fancy!) and will go to great lengths to make sure I’m enjoying it. If anyone ever requests something more than strictly vanilla it’s me. He’s nothing like men I’ve slept with who are in their 30s (or younger when I was younger too).

My bottom is strictly EXIT only. Never done anal, never would, just doesn’t appeal to me. For one my bum wouldn’t like it!

I blame Pornification for these perverse sexual appetites.

Yup 100%. Turned me right off. I'm staying single for ever now.

I’m 50 and this would not be me given half a chance!
So I’m not sure where you are finding them?

I’ve heard and read this type of thing from quite a few women and not just in their 50s although never with the marshmallow description
With some men health can account for the ED of course but it doesn’t account for the attitude
However PIED is a big driver in other men . Porn induced ED and apparently it’s even starting to effect men in their 20s . You might be interested in researching that . I think we have some men who are simply entitled porn addicts for whom a read living breathing woman is no longer exciting enough

Literally like stuffing a marshmallow into a postbox

Interesting about men working with computers and porn. My dp works with computers and he won't touch porn as it all comes with viruses, apparently.

I just won't be able to look at a packet of marshmallows in the same light again.

I met my Fiance and we were both 41. He got an erection just by us kissing and he doesn't like porn. My 2 ex husbands were addicted to porn. My last ex is an alcoholic and maintained he could not get an erection due to the alcohol and there was no sex or intimacy but he was still watching porn as much as he could.

Thread after thread on here says you're not wrong op.

I'm not single but some friends are and have said the same.

One told me what the sex was like after they split and I was what??? She always said it was not great but I had no idea.