My fiancé (we were due to get married this year but moved to next year due to COVID) and I have a good relationship. He's kind and caring and respectful and treats me well. We've been together 5 years.
He has a history of using alcohol as a bit of a crutch when life gets too much. He's never been addicted to alcohol but gets very drunk, say once a month, when life gets stressful. He's engaged in reckless behaviour in the past when drunk. I've given him a lot of support with his drinking and been through difficult times. He's also a great support to me in an everyday sense.
He's had a stressful time at work recently. A professional disagreement with his employer. No risk of losing his job but it's been an upsetting experience for him. It was fortunately resolved today after a meeting with his boss that went well. He has a professional job with a good income. We are fortunate that COVID hasn't given us money worries.
He got drunk about 2 weeks ago after a disagreement we had. I can't remember what it was about now - nothing major but small thongs are getting on top of him just now. He was quite nasty although I didn't behave that well either so I accept my share in the row.
I notice that he tends to be a bit unpleasant before a booze blow out. Nothing major - just bites my head off out of the blue. He's been doing that this week.
Recently he's tended to get 2 large bottles of beer (equivalent to 2.5 pints) from the shop when he's stressed. Maybe twice a week on average but one of these is usually on a Friday night - I don't grudge him a couple of beers after a week at work. It does only tend to be when he's stressed though, never to be social. He does tend to drink them before dinner, which I think is to maximise the effect of the booze. He claims he just prefers to have a drink before food, which I think is partially true but, that he also gets more of a dunt that way.
Tonight he went to the shop and came back with 2 beers and some treats for me. He had the 2 beers, then we had dinner. We were just watching TV and I received a call from a friend who's going through a break up. I was on the call for about an hour and when I came off he was in the garage tinkering with his bike.
He was slurring his words which was odd as he'd only had 2 beers and had eaten a meal with them. He then fell asleep on the sofa.
I had a look around the garage and found a bottle of whiskey in the grass box of the lawnmower. I've never known him to drink whiskey, but I know a client sent him a gift to his office recently so suspect that's where he got it. We've been working from home but he had to pop into the office for a meeting about 2 or 3 weeks ago so I suspect he picked it up then.
I've taken a picture of the bottle and put it back. I originally removed it but don't want him to know yet. I have a picture which shows how much is left. There's about a quarter of the 750ml bottle left. The line is right on the bottom of the label so I'll be able to tell if there's more gone. I panicked and went through his phone when he was asleep though so he might sense something is up.
I'm shocked and alarmed about this find. I'm fairly certain this bottle is the first time he's ever done this. He gets drunk very easily so if he had done this before then I'd have noticed. Thinking back, there was a night earlier this week when I did think there was something a bit off, he was speaking as if his mouth was a bit dry. I knew he hadn't been out to get booze. We don't keep any in the house, so I never thought he'd been drinking but looking back I think he probably had some from the bottle. I doubt he had all of what's gone just tonight, although as I say if he's had it on other occasions it must have been small amounts at a time as he gets drunk easily.
He was drunk 2 weeks ago but he openly had a bottle of wine, and he wasn't drunk enough then to have had wine plus a lot of whiskey.
He knows that I don't approve of him drinking to drown his sorrows and that it makes me upset and anxious. I've spoken to him about it. He tends to get very defensive.
What do I do about it? I know that I need to speak to him. I'm heading out to meet a friend tomorrow morning - he'll likely be in bed hungover. I don't think doing it with him hungover is the answer.
Do I speak to him right away or wait so see what happens to the bottle?
Sorry this is long and not particularly concise - I'm tired and my head is spinning just now.