How do I have an argument without shouting and name camking

[Doseydots]

Hubbie and I don’t argue often but today we’ve had a right go. I can’t help myself, I shout and end up calling him names. This morning I called him a d!ck. he later asked me not to name call in front of the kids which I suppose is fair enough but then we started again which ended up me shouting what a kn0bhead he is. I can’t help myself, I get to the point where I am so cross it just blurts out.

Are there any tactics on how I can stop this?

I have a very abusive mum and I have always been adamant I would never be like her. Maybe some of her abuse is deep routed.

It is easy for others to judge and criticise, well done OP for looking to change things.

Ah I thought as much. Yes people are so quick to judge but fail to see how everyone's circumstances/background/coping skills are different and just because they can control themselves they assume it's a simple choice when it's usually much more complex than that. I would bet your mum is at the root of the issue.

Awareness is the first step OP keep going.

The circumstances are so complicated, I have a good relationship with her now. She’s apologised for how she treated me. But at times I remember some of the stuff she did and I wonder why she was like it

Maybe she grew up with criticism and name calling herself

Maybe he is passive aggressive