Partner not contributing enough

[yourstruley]

My partner thinks I'm being completely unreasonable. So I could do with some advice.

My partner works full time and earns about 1600 a month.
I'm on UC and do not work, I've recently given birth to my 2nd DD.
We have been separated for quite a while and decided to give things another go.
My issue is he sends me 500 a month to help towards the house bills and the kids.
He says that the kids are already being supported via UC so they're set.
The bills come out of my account and I use my benefits to pay off the utilities etc.
Which totals up to 350.
Sometimes more due to being in debt.
However my issue is from his salary he only contributes 500 out of the month.

Am I being unreasonable?

I think we need to stop jumping on the "committing benefits fraud" bandwagon on this thread. The OP has said more than once that she has informed them that her BF has moved in so I can't see how she can be accused of anything. Also to me it sounds like all this has happened fairly recently so it's unlikely there'll be nothing for her to "pay back".

The crux of this problem is you and your BF need to sit down together and carefully work out how you're both going to pay all the joint expenses. Ideally this should of been done before he moved in - but there's no time like the present to sort it out. You will have options. Perhaps if your BF takes on some of the childcare, maybe you could start work again? Perhaps if that's not an option he will have to contribute more financially? After you're happy you've fully discussed the finances, perhaps have a discussion on division of chores too.
The key is that you have to discuss it together. If he's not ready to fully contribute to family life - tell him where the door is,.

NewYearHere20
If you read back you'll see her boyfriend has justified his measly amount of £500 by saying that UC covers the kids so they're sorted.
The OP has also admitted it's been months rather than days since he moved in.
If it was simply a case of her sitting down with this chap and having a discussion about finances, she wouldn't be asking for advice on here would she?
He's more or less said she should be grateful for her £500 she's getting.

UC wont pay your £400 rent if you are living with someone who earns £2.5k a month. All benefits will be stopped even your council tax discount. Yours bills will all increase too because you have an extra adult the house too. There is no way you can legally manage on £500 - he is expecting you to commit benefit fraud.

Groovenpenut

Please don't try and twist this to make it out as if I'm lying or I'm trying to commit fraud. If that was the case I wouldn't be on here would I? I said weeks so it's been about 3 weeks ( I clarified that in a previous post). I don't do fraud and never will. Hence why I've already informed them ffs.

The UC should not be covering the rent if you've told them about this though. So you've either told them and they're not covering it anymore - because you won't be entitled to it with his income - or you haven't told them and you're receiving housing element that covers the rent?

Yourstruly
You've changed you mind from days to weeks and have disclosed your conversations with him saying you can use your UC... Also you wouldn't be getting your rent paid or your council taxed paid if you were not in receipt of your UC.
Makes no odds to me, you asked for advice I tried to help. What you do in your life is your business. Maybe discuss things more with your business with your feckless partner who can obviously answer your financial situation more than a load of strangers.
I hope you get it sorted anyway. I'm done here 😁

So he doesn't want to pay any bills regardless of where he lives but expects for you to be his substitute mummy? What exactly are you getting from this user? I bet he won't wear a condom either.

The best thing you could do for yourself and your DC is to tell him to move back to his parents and end this relationshit with him. It doesn't matter if it's only been a few weeks. Get him gone for good.
There really are men out there who will be an equal partner and marry you. That clown isn't him.

Ok OP I would sit him down and talk through how things are going to work out if he lives with you all.

Both of you with both of your expectations.

So if he wants you to so all cooking, cleaning and laundry he has to contribute financially. If you are losing money he has to make that up plus some to go towards bills, food, fun for crying out loud.

You should agree that future discussions or changes should be talked over openly, honestly like adults. If in future, IF, but needs to be spoken about, you split up he leaves this is your house for the kids.

You can support him in his work helping make his home life happy and as stress free as possible he can help you with the kids, being a dad basically and with money.

You can't start out on family life without establishing reasonable expectations of each other. You should have done this before he moved back. But do it now, soon.

If you can't come to an agreement then he should move back to parents and pay you child maintenance.

You guys need to work together to have a happy family life. If it's this conflicting now it is likely to just get worse.

Hope you sort it out.

Op, sorry it’s a bit hard to understand

Your total bills per month is 500 quid. Which he pays fully.

You don’t work so claim benefits on top of this. You would like him to pay more than the five hundred? How much benefits do you get, and what will it be when adjusted?

It seems like the figures involved and timeline on this thread have jumped around a little making it a bit confusing to work out the specifics. Thanks @Groovinpeanut the OP has again more recently confirmed that she HAS told the authorities about her BF moving in! I suspect the BF reference to the UC amount was made referring to how much the OP USED to claim? Perhaps he doesn't realise that the benefits will stop as a result of him moving in? Who knows.

However the main point here is @yourstruley came on here for advice as to if her BF was contributing enough towards her new joint household.
It seems the general consensus is - probably not - but you two need to sit down and work this out by looking at all your joint expenses TOGETHER. A group of strangers on the internet can't tell you the specifics of how you manage your finances. I think it's important that you discuss this openly - not in the context of an argument. Include discussions of each others expectations. If you don't work perhaps its reasonable that you would take on more of the household chores and child care - but if you don't talk about it all that's where your relationship will fall as you may both have differing expectations.

It's very frustrating reading this. You are having children with this man but you don't communicate on even a basic level. This isn't a partnership. What on earth possessed you to move him in, tell UC and now you won't have any UC benefits going forward - at the same time as he is telling you that he won't or can't pay all your bills and debts. You sleep-walked into this mess. Your children won't have stability if you carry on this way. Having constant money worries and being unable to pay bills will affect your MH. Either nail him down to a clear agreement, or split with him and claim CMS. Split wiy him for good. Get back into the workplace asap or you'll be trapped in a poverty cycle for the next ten years.

Are you sure you will even be entitled to universal credit now?

Are both kids his? Really you should have worked out the finances before he moved back in! You’re going to be losing money!! This makes no sense. Make him move back out. He only lives with you if he covers what you lose with UC. If you’re living together you should pool the money and both end up with the same spare at the end of the month. You’ve caught yourself a welcher sadly. He doesn’t want to support a family. You’re best off getting rid, making him have the kids so you can go back to work and rebuilding your life/finances without him

Make him move out. Ring UC and be honest. Say he moved back in for a week but you argued and he left and you are now separated again. It must happen all the time

I am sorry, I cant really work out if you are better or worse off financially, but I think the fact that he dismisses your worries out of hand is worrying.
I think you will only get more frustrated and resentful as time goes on.
If you feel you will be worse off and that he is not bringing any other benefits by living with yo, I would delay any action and maybe rethink your future with him

Tbh, your scenario is one where you're benefitting from the uc, even with a working partner.
By my calculations you'll be receiving around 1k in uc, so a combined income, including the rent element, of 2600 plus child benefits.
You all need to decide to either you are one unit and benefit from all of the money. Or decide that he needs to pay half, you pay half (all children needs, household bills, rent etc} and and have what's left over....

I don’t wanna state the obvious but, how did you afford to live before he moved out? Like you were a couple together with two kids at some point before you broke up. You didn’t work and wouldn’t have been entitled to UC so how did you pay your bills then?

I think a partner who is not a partner with money, eg. Plays games, controls/withholds money, anything remotely financially abusive or non committal is not ready to live with when you have kids, whether they are his kids or not. IMO you either in or out, especially when you are claiming benefits you can't afford to be on again/ off again. If you have a joint claim, so pooled benefits, you need to pool his wages too.

I'm not saying you can't have any financial independence, but it should be equal not disproportionate. So if he's putting £100 into savings you should be putting £100 in savings. If his wages plus the UC is £3k you should hang what's left after expenses.

So you haven't worked in 2 years and the state pays all your bills? Presumably this will carry on for a further 2 years at least?

I don't agree with him "topping" you up because you've lost out on UC that's just ridiculous and should act as an incentive for you to get into employment? Raising your children as a family unit should be the priority over sending him packing just because you'd get more benefits that way 🤷‍♀️

Bills should be split 50/50.

You should have e worked out of your relationship is viable before allowing him to move in op.

Sadly, if you both can't talk sensibly about money and agree a mutually beneficial compromise, then you can't have a relationship with.

It's a deal breaker, sorry.

Not being willing to support your partner and dc isn't love. Try to remember that when you discuss this with him. He either stumps up or fucks off.

So does his contribution cover all the bills? Sounds like it does?