2 year old step daughter hates me

[MadK4]

Evening, I’ve come to the end of my tether and honestly cannot think of what else to do with my current situation other than end it.
Been with my partner almost over a year now and we have his daughter every weekend. I have a 5 year old son on my own and his daughter is 3.
She doesn’t speak a word so can’t communicate what she is feeling but when she is over, I always try and do fun things with both kids or just the two of us if my son goes to his dads.
I’m the one that gets up with the kids when we’ve got both of them. I get them dressed, give them breakfast and as I said, do something fun with them. The problem is that as soon as shes back home and around her dad and me, she will literally do anything to keep away from me. Hides behind him. Cries if he even leaves the room yet when I’ve taken her out she’s fine.
I’m at a point now where I don’t even want to be in my own house when she is over because anything I do just isn’t good enough. She honestly looks at me like she’s terrified and we both have no clue why. Or what to do about the situation anymore.
I’m getting close to just ending the relationship because I would rather be alone with my son than have a 3 year old act disrespectful towards me in my own home!
Any advice welcome!! Thanks

She is a terrified 2 year old. Contact is for her to build/maintain a relationship with her father. Instead she is spending every weekend with a virtual stranger and her son whilst her father does nothing.

At this stage you should only just be meeting her and your DS is the same instead this man has his feet under your table. Is this really what you want?

Oh dear there’s a lot wrong with this picture and none of it has anything to do a toddler being disrespectful!

I’m the one that gets up with the kids when we’ve got both of them. I get them dressed, give them breakfast and as I said, do something fun with them

The disrespectful one is the lazy grown man who has you running around after his child, not the three year old. What are you thinking OP, dating a year and he has you doing the childcare for his DC. Unreal.

@Supereager

Regardless of any of this, do you really want to be with somebody who has their 3 year old every single weekend? Why is he even dating?!? This makes no sense to me. You’re getting up with her while he lays in bed? You’re basically a cheap childcare service and shag! What on earth are you doing? Why wouldn’t you date somebody with no baggage who wants to take you out at the weekend!!!! Come on ladies. Up your standards!!!

He can't be arsed to get up to look after his child.

Your issue isn't a little 3 year old.

It's her waster father who is using you.

What about your 5 year old?

How is he enjoying having a mother imposing a lazy arsed man and his 3 year old on him every weekend.

OP, you ust be absolutely desperate to have such low standards.

Put your 5 year old first and get rid of the waster who's looking for free childcare.🙄

She doesn't hate you and she isn't disrespectful. You're being over dramatic.

What she wants and needs is for her father to have more interaction with her , he shouldn't have introduced her as early on in your relationship as he obviously did.

Does her father (your boyfriend) do any of the childcare? Seems like you’re the one doing the morning routine, meal times and entertainment throughout the day. Also, she’s 3 so she isn’t “disrespecting” you! She’s probably scared and confused, especially as she is non verbal with SEN.

Could you imagine not seeing your son all week and then going to your boyfriend's home with your son and then staying in bed while he sorts him out and does something fun with him every weekend?!

Doesn't bear thinking about does it?!

Don't you think your son would be pleading with you through his eyes if he couldn't speak that he wanted only you?!

Where is your empathy and compassion op?!

What are you doing with this utterly lazy waster loser of a dad bf?!

What a awful, lazy mother you would be

Little children can be shy or whatever, and/or she clings on to her dad for the small amount of time she gets to see him.

She's not really old enough to be deliberately 'disrespectful.'

Like many other posters, she just wants her daddy. By all means do breakfast but get him out of bed too so he can see to her while you see to ds. Nothing wrong with doing things as a unit, but he needs to step up and take the lead with her care.

If she does have SEN then it's even more like her emotions will rule her, and they often are very attached to their loved ones and don't like them to go etc.

You both have " no clue why" she looks terrified. Oh dear.

Disrespectful? She’s 3! Get a grip.

You have moved in with your boyfriend leas than a year after meeting, and you have a young child too?

And he is letting you be the one to get up with his daughter, feed her and dress her?

Wtf?!

Do better for your child. Get rid of this lazy excuse of a father

I’ll admit I read the op and wondered if you were being used for free childcare.

Maybe her dad should parent her, he can get up, make breakfast, get her dressed and spend the day with her.

He sounds like a lazy sod and you would be mad to be forced into the role of 'wicked step mum.'

She doesn't see all the things you do for her, she sees that you are replacing her dad.

Apologies on using the wrong wording but that honestly how I feel. Her dad can’t contact anyone to sort out her speech because he isn’t even on her BC and tbh I think her mum has just googled because even she says she doesn’t know why she won’t speak.
I’m appreciate everyone’s comments, and I’m gonna take a step back and “ignore” her (not in a bad way) and solely focus on my son.
Maybe things have been rushed but we’ve known each other longer and I’ve seen his daughter since she was months old so I don’t agree with me being a stranger in her eyes really.
Any thoughts on why she would scratch her own forehead and then point at me like I had done it? That’s how bad things are getting now! I honestly feel like the older she gets she’s gonna purposely try and get me into trouble!

Op's posts have made me quite upset actually.
PPS have already said what needed to be said.

Op, life on your own with your son would be best for your son. And you. Put him first. At least, stop enabling the shitty excuse of a father.

She sounds like a very unhappy little girl.

Why isn't her mum seeking a referral for her dd?

But it's the little girl that's got me going. She is a tiny, tiny human with one or more developmental delays that no one seems to care about.

If your P really wanted the best for his daughter he would surely be addressing this through legal channels. I guess he could be doing it on his lie-ins you give him. Not rubbing one out under the duvet while you dole out the Weetabix. Not doing that. Nope.

That poor child.

He sounds useless. Break up with him, get your house back and leave him to it. Without you there for childcare he might stop bothering to see her but at least it might give her more consistency.

He is not on the birth certificate but has contact every weekend?

It must be so upsetting and heartbreaking .....for a 3 year old to be in house where they feel they need to hide from someone.

Disrespect you !!!! Are you for real, she's 3 probably really confused.

Her father needs to be getting up with her, getting her dressed and all the other things, she is not there to spend time with you if it upsets her. She is there to see her father.

I honestly feel like the older she gets she’s gonna purposely try and get me into trouble!

You sound like a child yourself, can you honestly not see how this poor poor child is feeling.

She should be put first, not the relationship with you. Your boyfriend needs to leave you .

Your boyfriend can go to court to go on her birth certificate. Might require the bare minimum of effort, so he probably won’t bother his arse.
Just keep out of his relationship with his child, keep your dating life separate to the kids you have both dragged into it, re-read the replies to this thread over and over until it sinks in.

The little girl is trying to show you that she wants to spend time with her daddy in the only ways she is able. Can you not put yourself in her shoes Op?. Imagine what it's like to have absolutely no agency in any part of your life and add to that a complete inability to communicate through spoken and written means .

She is telling you she is unhappy and needs her father to be there, cuddle her, read her stories, make a fucking referral on behalf of his daughter.

He needs to get a DNA test to prove parental responsibility, if he hadn't done so already.