Been with DH for 18 years, married for 12 and have three DC and am so deeply unhappy but it’s my fault apparently. I don’t know where to begin, DH and I married young - started out as friends and married impulsively.
We never had great sex or intimacy but at the time we were both building careers that it didn’t matter and we had shared interests so were happy enough.
He is very career driven and if he isn’t working was always with friends which was fine pre-DC.
Fast forward and we had DC and he was an absolutely shocking parent. Useless and never helped. Has never cooked not one meal ever or done any domestic help at all ever. I will never forget cooking dinner for us all holding a two day old baby while he sat on the internet watching me struggle. I became more focussed on DC and no longer had career but a job. Well we couldn’t both have careers anymore when all the housework and childcare fell on me. And all I ever heard from him was how I don’t work like he does, I don’t know how hard it is for him blah blah blah. I show him no sympathy for how tough his life is. I spent years with 3 children under 5 working FT and doing all house stuff and dealing with his man baby ness. I had some idea.
We didn’t have sex after DC3 for 3 years. His selfishness and absolute lack of regard for me and the children was horrible. He spent most of their early years playing sports and going to the pub with mates. He even missed DC2 3rd birthday party because he “forgot” and went to the pub after football.
I couldn’t stand him by then.
He offers no physical support and zero emotional support too. His idea of affection is revolting. He makes pervy comments all the time. That’s his idea of compliments. I can write an endless list but one moment sums him up perfectly- DC1 had stomach flu last year and I was cleaning puke up off the floor whilst also feeling sick myself and he comes up behind and says I like what I see just waiting for me to do you up the bum were you. It’s disgusting every day. I am dressed and wearing normal ankle boots and all he will have to say is you’d look better just in the boots. I go nuts and he makes me feel bad that I can’t take a compliment - that I’m frigid and I’m a prude.
We fight every day about his revolting comments and he says it’s banter and I can’t take a joke anymore. This isn’t normal is it? This isn’t banter.
He comment all the time about how I earn less than him and how he provide for us and does everything for us all the time. We fight over this too.
He has become a bit more helpful with DC now they are older and drops one of them to school every day but all I hear all the time is how he does the school run and how he’s the only wonderful dad who does.
I just hate him. I hate everything about him.
Is there any return from this point?