Political differences

[Silversandandsea]

How do you manage your relationship when you have completely different political views?
My marriage is already under strain for various reasons ( some of which I have posted in here on the past).
Basically, I'm to the left, he's to the right.
I feel very passionate about various causes and do voluntary work for a particular charity.
Items come up on the news and we usually disagree about everything!
Here are some examples:
Marcus Rashford's school lunch vouchers campaign - the things my husband said about this!
We had a massive row as I couldn't stand his comments!
"He should get back to football/ the news is too emotional" and more... even worse comments!!
He is now reading some ridiculous book full of right wing rubbish questioning race, gender and feminism issues.
But more to the point, he knows how I feel and what I think and he loves to argue and go on and on and make a point.
He has no empathy and is so clever in his arguing and always seems to outwit me and leave me floundering.
He seems to have got worse lately.
He also thinks no need for lockdown!
Some people say, "oh don't argue over politics" but this goes much deeper that that for me.
Can anyone share their own experience in regards to this?
Thanks

DH and me are of different political opinions too. Neither of us are over invested in politics though. If both of you are it's difficult. If we discuss politics it usually ends up in a row.

There seems to be a lot of cross wires here and misunderstanding.
I didn't say that people who are right wing cannot have empathy and do charity work!
Rather I talked about my situation and gave a few examples of what happens in our relationship.
I mention the voluntary work as it is something with political overtones and he will make comments about it and he knows how strongly I feel.
I suppose really I could have done a post about him and not mentioned politics. Instead I could have just talked about his over bearing shouty style of communication and swearing!

Reminds me of my teen relationship with my dad. I felt moved to be oppositional to him so exaggerated my leftist views and he tried to brow beat me by arguing back. I eventually decided not answering was the best way forward and barely spoke to him for years. (We have got on fine since that time- though still don't agree on politics)

I had a boyfriend before I met my DH who also liked to criticise me or my views - not political in his case, more about my style or leisure choices, or worse still, my friends. It was one of the reasons I went off him and eventually broke up with him.

Such a relief to be with DH who never (or rarely!) criticises and doesn't make life feel like a combat zone.

It would be less his views maybe and more the irritation of being in conflict that would be the deal breaker for me.

Instead I could have just talked about his over bearing shouty style of communication and swearing!

I really think this is what needs to be addressed as a matter of urgency

You sound as if you want him to become left and woke, why should he, he is as entitled to his views as you are

Isadora
Have you read all I've said?

Different political views is one thing, my dad is a massive Tory but also has lots of empathy and has volunteered for the Samaritans for years.

This guy sounds like a pompous wanker generally. I'd dump him for the way he treats you, not for his politics.

Btw I'm left wing and I don't like the bbc or agree with lockdowns

Thank you Judy and everyone for your thoughts.
It really is about the way he communicates with me.
It does go deeper than politics.
And I am passionate about my political beliefs and opinions.
But this is just one aspect.

I'm hearing some occasional "we're all entitled to our views" schmeer above. Politics doesn't work like that.

There's are some clear limitations on that before it becomes abuse:

• the rubbishing of the poor, who then never will stand a better chance of bettering their position
• race, sexuality and gender shaming
• the exclusivity to wealth reserved by some people to certain racial, social or nationality groups....

...... amongst other things.

And it's usual in politics to expose your beliefs to debate, not back it up by persistent and undue harassment.

So the right to a "point of view" isn't absolute. And your participation in discussion is subject to responsibility for society and respect for those around you.

Yes, I agree with you.
It's not just that my husband disagrees with my views, it's the manner in which he does it!
He says very harsh things which I find difficult to listen to! And he says it all aggressively and tells me I'm getting too emotional.
He said some of the people asking for help with lunches are dishonest and also "if they're struggling they can always have beans on toast!"
I was so mad at this comment and told him his views were abhorrent!
He said the usual "not as bad as some people in other countries"
Now do you see what I mean?

@j712adrian
Yes, I agree with you.
It's not just that my husband disagrees with my views, it's the manner in which he does it!
He says very harsh things which I find difficult to listen to! And he says it all aggressively and tells me I'm getting too emotional.
He said some of the people asking for help with lunches are dishonest and also "if they're struggling they can always have beans on toast!"
I was so mad at this comment and told him his views were abhorrent!
He said the usual "not as bad as some people in other countries"
Now do you see what I mean?