Did my boyfriend just say he wanted a threesome?

[Namechange1983]

So I’ve been serious with a guy for over 2 months. Me 37 him 30.

I mentioned earlier that one of my girl friends was upset with a guy she was seeing. He then made a joke about bringing her into our bed then said some stupid shit that he wasn’t sure he could keep up with 2 women.
I asked him are you saying you want a threesome and he replied, dunno could be interesting I guess!

What the hell was that. I brought him up on it and he was like I was joking. That’s not funny tho is it, I’m really put off now.

Do you think that sounded like a joke?

Seriously just sounds like he was making a harmless joke.
However, if you're not comfortable with him making those kind of jokes, tell him.

Sounds like he's suggesting it, to me.

Sounds like a joke and you are completely overreacting.
Separately - most men have a threesome fantasy and most never act on in. Surely this isn’t news to you.

He's a twat. Like your friend's first thought after being upset would be "ooh, I know, I'll have a go on Namechange's boyfriend, while she watches"

No, it wasn't a joke.

You bring up a friend's problem and the first thing he thinks of is his dick.

A joke, with an undercurrent of fantasy if I'm honest.

You can always tell him that you'll be ok if he gets one of his friends specially if they are attractive. See how quickly he sees your point.

It shows that fantasy and the possibility of non-monogamy is more important to him in the moment than making sure his new girlfriend feels amazing/that he’s being respectful to her friends.

Ugh.

Do you think that sounded like a joke?

Yes. He made it sound like a joke, that's how they get away with shit like this.

Message him back saying "you're right it would be interesting, is any of your hot friends up for it?" And you'll see if it was a joke or not

Why was that his first thought when you said she was upset? Because he wasn’t joking.

I can see both sides of the coin here. Boyfriend was making light of being on the receiving end of two women's dramas. Totally get that.

On the other hand, the implications of Boyfriend's comments had unintended consequences.

I'd would have laughed and said dream on loverboy, the last thing my friend needs is you waving your dick around 🙄

Not a joke imo. He was sounding you out and testing the waters for your reaction in a way he could fall back on and try and claim was a ‘joke ‘
It’s pretty transparent really and when I was younger I had a couple of bfs try the exact same tactic . I actually tried going along with it ( the suggestion. Not the three some ) on one occasion just to see how serious he was and he was definitely serious !
Believe me , if you had of said yea that is something I’ve been thinking about he would have jumped at the opportunities and been very excited

Yeah, he's not kidding

Filthy, the lot of em

It was a sexual fantasy and a lot of men have that one.

I would find it a bit sleazy nowadays.

It wasn't really 'humour,' well it was a dirty 'joke' I guess but it's clear he was getting off on the idea.

I think 'joke' is the wrong word. It's just a daft comment.

You said she was annoyed with her BF he was just JOKINGLY offering to make it better.

Used to pass for harmless banter.

Now everything causes a drama.

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

I think 'joke' is the wrong word. It's just a daft comment.

You said she was annoyed with her BF he was just JOKINGLY offering to make it better.

Used to pass for harmless banter.

Now everything causes a drama.

I for one don’t agree that being insensitive sleazebag is harmless banter I’ve been on this planet over half a century and can’t remember when that ever passed as harmless banter . Perhaps your referring to the ‘ good ol days’ where women shut up and knew they place huh Those days are over THANKFULLY

He wasn't joking, op. You should know this at your age.

What Aqua said. And besides when you asked him, he said 'I guess' . so that sounds pretty clear about it.
Do you see this as long term? With the age difference i would be concerned about this working out.

He’s sounding you out for one, it’s a pretty common male fantasy. Personally, I’d be OK with a partner seeing where I stood with it in principle. I’d not want one with a friend, but I’d be happy discussing a partner’s fantasies and how I felt about it.

Half-joke, half fantasy coming out I'd say.

There's nothing wrong with someone having fantasies about threesomes, or wanting to have them.

There's also nothing wrong with someone not having fantasies about threesomes, and not wanting to have them.

We all have different buttons, sexually.

So it's probably worth a cards-on-the-table, but judgement-free, conversation with him to see where you stand, and to see if there's a variance in wants there.

If him fantasising about, or genuinely wanting, threesomes is a dealbreaker for you, it's best for both of you that you are upfront about it so you can decide how and whether to proceed with the relationship.

God it's a joke. Don't look any further into it unless he mentions it again.

I think many men have this fantasy but I would imagine most men would shit it with being faced with 2 women like 'come on then show us what you' ve got!! ' 😂
I think it was just a crap joke though, just let it go if its a one off

Sounds like your average guy fantasy to me, exh was always keen on the idea (and didn't get!) no idea if his now dp is agreeable