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Original poster

Did my boyfriend just say he wanted a threesome?

62 replies

Namechange1983 · 23/11/2020 23:12

So I’ve been serious with a guy for over 2 months. Me 37 him 30.

I mentioned earlier that one of my girl friends was upset with a guy she was seeing. He then made a joke about bringing her into our bed then said some stupid shit that he wasn’t sure he could keep up with 2 women.
I asked him are you saying you want a threesome and he replied, dunno could be interesting I guess!

What the hell was that. I brought him up on it and he was like I was joking. That’s not funny tho is it, I’m really put off now.

Do you think that sounded like a joke?

OP posts:
YoniAndGuy · 24/11/2020 12:11

Hmm, nothing's serious after two months, mark his card and if you start getting 'jokes' like this on a regular basis - dump mr Unfunny.

blueskywhy · 24/11/2020 12:50

Sounds like a bit of a joke to me? But you'd have to ask him to know.

I've always had a fantasy of a threesome (MMF), but it is not something I'd do in real life. I have assumed that a threesome was a very common fantasy for women (and men)?? Or maybe I'm not normal :)

TwoBoysTooMany76 · 24/11/2020 13:02

I think he's testing the waters... Though not very diplomatically or sensitively in the way he brought the topic up (in reaction to you saying your friend is upset...). I would be put off by his insensitivity at bringing up the topic at the wrong time though I don't think it's a bad thing in itself to discuss your sexual boundaries and fantasies with your partner.

@blueskywhy I did have a MMF when I was young (19/20). Smile It was fun and I would do it again and I think I would enjoy it a lot more now in my 40s without all the hangouts of youth! My current boyfriend would like a MFF (of course!) and I would consider it. But I get not everyone wants that sexually either so the important thing is to keep talking about it with your partner so you know what each other's boundaries are.

@Namechange1983 Do you think you could have an honest conversation with him about it? Tell him 'Hey, I didn't appreciate the joke you made about the threesome when I was telling you about my friend being upset, it really was not appropriate. However, I would like to talk to you about the topic, is this something you are serious about because it's not something I am prepared to do...' Something like that?

Isthisnothing · 24/11/2020 13:03

God it was a joke based on a pretty standard fantasy. Maybe he was checking if you might be interested. He's hardly pushing it, is he?

When did it become sleazy to have sexual fantasies? Porn is really messing up society imo.

SoulofanAggron · 24/11/2020 13:22

When did it become sleazy to have sexual fantasies?

Of course it's not sleazy to have fantasies, but it's kind of creepy/lame/sleazy when men bring them up, especially if it's about their partner's friend.

I've had both types of threesome, but some men really nag for it in a way that's unpleasant. I'm not saying OP's BF is doing that, just that it's a thing men do.

A lot of the threesome experiences I've had haven't been good- the man being jealous if I focus on the woman as I'm more attracted to her, men really nagging and pressuring for it, my friend who I had a threesome with trying to 'steal'/cheat with my partner etc. Wouldn't really recommend, except anonymous sex with several male strangers was quite fun I guess.

I have assumed that a threesome was a very common fantasy for women (and men)??

@blueskywhy I'd say it's more often a fantasy for men than women.

Sakurami · 24/11/2020 13:32

Testing the waters?

MrsJBaptiste · 24/11/2020 13:32

@AtrociousCircumstance

It shows that fantasy and the possibility of non-monogamy is more important to him in the moment than making sure his new girlfriend feels amazing/that he’s being respectful to her friends.

Ugh.

Are you being sarcastic?

If not, this is a ridiculously over the top interpretation of the conversation!

blueskywhy · 24/11/2020 14:07

In real life I did once have the opportunity of a FFM threesome, visiting a good friend for a few days at the end of a work trip abroad. She was living with her (gorgeous!) BF at the time, and my last night there, a lot of wine, pool, beautiful place, etc. I'm not sure why I didn't, and I often think I should have to experience it? Even thought they've split, I'm still in contact a few times a year with both of them, faraway friends, and it was never mentioned again.

booboo24 · 24/11/2020 15:24

I'd have taken that as a silly joke, nothing more, I'd probably have come back with a witty comeback and that would have been it. I think you're overthinking it

Bluntness100 · 24/11/2020 15:27

I’d also just say silly comment, I think sometimes you’ve got to be really careful what uou say to some folks or they will also take everything as gospel. No light hearted comments permitted.

Op do you think he fancies her so you’re jealous is that it? I can’t think of another reason you’d think he was serious.

Isitsixoclockalready · 24/11/2020 15:39

Sounds like a silly comment - bit puerile but unless anything else has been said that you haven’t mentioned then it doesn’t sound beyond the pale. At the end of the day though, only you can really decide what is or what isn’t acceptable in your relationship.

P1ainJanine · 24/11/2020 16:37

Sounds like he was using a "joke" to test the water, in case you were up for it. Shitty behaviour.

S00LA · 24/11/2020 18:08

@RantyAnty

No, it wasn't a joke.

You bring up a friend's problem and the first thing he thinks of is his dick.

This
EarthSight · 24/11/2020 18:14

Yuck.

I'm less offended by the fantasy than I am by the timing of it. His simplistic line of thinking was 'Woman is upset, maybe vulnerable even = Sexual opportunity for me??'. I just find that utterly gross. Does he see women as human beings or just things to satisfy his sexual needs?

EarthSight · 24/11/2020 18:17

@RantyAnty

No, it wasn't a joke.

You bring up a friend's problem and the first thing he thinks of is his dick.

This.
TheVanguardSix · 24/11/2020 18:18

He's got terrible comedic timing.

Original poster
Namechange1983 · 24/11/2020 18:25

No I’m not jealous it’s only been 2 months and he hasn’t even seen my friend. I just found it a bit of an odd thing to say. Maybe further along in the relationship when you a bit more sure of each other but to say I’d say you could invite her over but I’m not sure I could keep up with 2 girls at that particular moment was odd. It’s a new relationship, still should be being decent I think early on. It has honestly made me think he is not on the same page as me. At the moment I only have eyes for him, I guess not in return.

OP posts:
Growapair · 24/11/2020 18:34

@edwinbear

He’s sounding you out for one, it’s a pretty common male fantasy. Personally, I’d be OK with a partner seeing where I stood with it in principle. I’d not want one with a friend, but I’d be happy discussing a partner’s fantasies and how I felt about it.
This
IJustWantSomeBees · 25/11/2020 16:02

Yeah, not great when you're talking about a problem and your guy makes it about him/sex. Immature at best, pervy at worst. Either way it has made you feel uncomfortable and you don't need to justify that, I think you're right that at this early stage you should be on good behaviour and acting decently.

Dadaist · 25/11/2020 19:38

He’s testing the waters because it’s a fantasy of his. And that’s ok. It was very tentative.
The fact that you need to come here to explore it suggests that you might not be on the same page sexually.

VettiyaIruken · 25/11/2020 19:40

It was one of those 'its a joke unless you're up for it then it wasn't a joke' jokes.

Sundance2741 · 25/11/2020 19:55

"Many a true word spoken in jest". Seems tasteless at your stage in the relationship, even if it really was a joke.

IWantT0BreakFree · 25/11/2020 20:10

Ugh. I used to hang around with a huge mixed sex friendship group as a teen and into my early twenties. A couple of the lads immediately sprang to mind upon reading this thread. Any conversation whatsoever, no matter how mundane and non-sexual, they could always manage to shoehorn in a "light-hearted"/"jokey" comment about sex. It's gross. So off-putting and juvenile. But of course us ladies have to smile and pretend it's so hilarious that some men will jarringly bring any conversation back to their dick, otherwise someone will come along with that same old line about how "you can't say anything these days without someone getting offended" 🙄 I see a few of them on the thread here.

It's not funny, it's disrespectful to joke about banging your friends (especially when you're trying to have a serious conversation with him) and it's so pathetic and childish and cringe-worthy that I'd probably instantly get "the ick" and my vagina would seal shut for the remainder of the relationship.

PlanDeRaccordement · 25/11/2020 20:14

You know your boyfriend best. Some I have had do make sex jokes frequently. If he’s never joked about sex until now, then yeah probably not a joke, but if he’s generally in the gutter with his jokes, then probably a joke.

Elfieishere · 25/11/2020 20:16

Sounds like he’s testing the water for the future.. if you would be on board having threesomes.