I saw this post from Astala a long time ago, it's so true. If your partner did his fair share you wouldn't have to be a nag. Perhaps this is of use to you?
'Nagging is clearly us communicating that we need our partners' help. Nagging is asking for help (in an infuriated tone after requesting it so many times already.)
Nagging is saying "help me."
Why are we saying help me in the first place? And why are we asking for help repeatedly?
Because actually, it's our partners who have put too much pressure on us in the first place, because actually it is them that have high expectations of us and not the other way around.
So when you work and have young children and are still expected to take on the lion's share at home, that is him having too many expectations of us.
When the parties and holidays are left to us to organise (yet they also want parties and holidays) they are expecting far too much of us.
When they can't get up and motivated on the mornings and leave us to constantly remind them of the time, to get them going to remind them to help dress the kids, they are expecting too much.
So we may be the "nags." But they are the ones expecting too much in the first place, they may aswell be nagging.
But they tactfully know that if things don't get done, we will do them anyway, because we can't help but be the primary homemakers and care givers.
So next time DH calls me a nag, I'm just going to think/say. No, you're asking far too much of ME actually and I'm the one frantically yelling HELP.
I plan to stop adhering to his expectations. There will be no more parties, no more holidays, I will hire a cleaner to come in and clean, because he expects too much of me.
And if he wants things to change, I guess he will just have to begin expecting more of himself.