Tell me not to message him

[Wanttobeonabeach]

I want to message him, I miss him terribly everyday. I'm stupidly in love still after weeks. I think about him everyday.

Cons - we fell out quite badly, he ignored me last time I reached out, he was never fully in anyway, hot and cold. He will probably ignore me.

Please talk me out of this wise people.

Don’t message him. Block him and find and hold close your self respect.

As soon as you press "send" you'll regret it. Deal with your feelings without adding regret to the mix. 💐

I just feel we never gave it a proper go....it's like unfinished business. I know he doesn't think the same.

This feeling will pass. Stay strong.

He ignored you last time and you say he may do so again. You’re worth more than that.

Switch your phone off if the urge becomes too much and watch a good (distracting) film with a nice drink.

Don't message, keep the control on your hands
How long were you together and what did you fall out over?
I kept a particularly horrible text he sent me and reread if I feel tempted

He never gave it a proper go because he wasn't that bothered. You can't make him have feelings so cut him loose.

Delete any ways you have in contacting him..
When I threw exh out I cancelled the phone contract I paid for.. Liberating he was really gone!!

I deleted all his bad texts. We were on and off for a year as friends first, think I miss that more.

We were properly for few months but never really got to see what happened as we fell out. It was a silly argument that escalated, the crux of it was I never felt he was all in and felt quite led on.

I went back apologising and was ignored. He had a lot to say originally but didn't acknowledge my feelings. He never really made time for me and could take it or leave it. That's how I felt anyway ☹

I still miss him terribly...I just want him to come back. I wish I hadn't deleted all the stuff now as I'm looking back fondly instead of realistically.

I've sat on my hands for over 3 weeks now. Today seems bad for some reason.

Delete his contact details.
Do it now!

Been there so many times OP. What you're experiencing is a desire to reconnect but sending a text will not achieve this. It will honestly make you feel worse. You will momentarily feel better but this will only last minutes, an hour at most. As soon as you don't get a reply or get something lukewarm or cold then you will feel even worse. I know it is really really hard but you must force yourself not to text. Keep the control. As soon as you engage with him you are then entering into an agonising waiting game and he has all the power. Do not give him this. Not because of what he might think but because of how it will make you feel. Walk away.

Perhaps messaging him is just what you need to be reminded of how horrible he is OP. You've got nothing more to lose and my guess is is that he will respond in a hurtful way that will make you regret it. But it might shake you to your senses.

You poor thing. I remember reading your posts about him and he didn't seem invested in you at all. Quite selfish & he made you miserable. Focus on his negatives.

Remember we are in a really difficult time and your feelings and emotions are understandable heightened as a result. Try and focus on next spring when you can begin your dating life afresh.

Sometimes things don't work out for a reason. He won't be the right man for you and the relationship sounds like it was hard work. It's best not to message him as the longer it carries on, the longer it will take to get over him.

@Feminem yes he wasn't really invested.

I'm stuck at home all day on my own which isn't helping. He kept me sane.

I think if I messaged and got nothing or cruel ness again I couldn't take it ☹

You are in love with idea of him - not the reality. You said yourself you're looking back with rose coloured glasses.

I recognise you from the dating thread a while back. He's an arse.

Block and delete. You're pining and handwringing for someone who doesn't give a shit about you, and has made that very clear to you.

Honestly don’t do it—he didn’t feel the same, he won’t grow to love you. You’d just be reopening a wound—however bad you feel now, you’ll feel 100x worse when/if he humiliates you.

I think if I messaged and got nothing or cruel ness again I couldn't take it ☹

Because of this, I’d say delete every way you have of contacting him. Once you’ve taken away the option it’ll be a lot easier to deal with.

Tell yourself "mixed messages are not for me" over and over again until you believe it.

Well done OP. That's a great realisation & one you probably don't want to put yourself through.

If it was just the messages that kept you going I'm sure there are men out there that would do that. Perhaps get back to OLD and message a few. Or...create a thread on MN. These women are bloody brilliant and supportive. They've been there, done it & got the t-shirt, so utilise that.

You did give it a proper go. He just wasn't that interested or invested. And nothing you do will change that.

You cannot be friends with him, because you still have feelings and still want more than he will give. Get back to online dating, pick up a new hobby, remind yourself (read your previous threads) about how crappy he made you feel.

These feelings will pass. You're just lonely, and it's a pandemic. However, if you message him, he will once again make you feel crappy and irrelevant - he did this when you were actually dating, it will be much much worse now. Protect yourself, and keep your distance.

KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!

Don’t do it!!! I am now 2 years NC with someone I was so so so so crazy about and honestly I am just so happy to be in this place. I never thought I’d manage it.

You said yourself you would be able to be knocked back again, so don't put yourself in that position again. Get on a dating website (be careful) and find someone who deserves your love

@Sickofmysalary well done, I really hope in 2 years ( sooner hopefully) I will be at that stage.

I've been on dating sites, no one really compares to him so it's making me feel worse in a way.

Message us instead OP. I was the same earlier this year, ghosted after 8 years. Now I have pretty much moved on and I can laugh at him messaging me bcse the new woman he left me for is in a different country and he's lonely.

DO NOT BEG HIM.