Splitting bills in a relationship Q?

[Newname88]

Have an original post regarding this issue so i won't go into the details but backstory is since moving in with my DP i am struggling financially. Feel free to search my old thread if you want the full backstory.

We pay 50/50 of all household bills even though he earns more, i have a couple of extra costs like pet costs as they were my pets originally. I have 2 DC one with current partner and one older.

I've now reached the point i am on the last few scrapings of my savings, which i have been using to cover any extras once my wages have been used each month (by this i mean days out with my youngest DC in weekdays for example or with both DC at weekends including petrol to drive places or buying sweets/ice cream/drinks at the corner shop, birthday presents etc. I rarely buy things for myself and don't have regular nail/hair appointments at all.
I've written down my incomings and outgoings and worked out that my earnings are completely spent on all the necessary bills (with the exclusion of internet, but could be argued as a necessity nowadays when needed for DC's homework etc)

We've finally discussed the fact that i have nearly no money left and while my DP listened and we talked he didn't offer to contribute more or even to help with any solution so i feel basically all there is left for me to do is to pay my share of the bills and then have nothing left so i can't do anything on weekends that involves money being spent, wont be able to buy anybody presents for birthdays and so on.

And as mentioned on my last post i do work part time because i wanted to be around some of the time for my child/children, i have never struggled financially before. I am more than happy to go full time but at present it isn't possible within my job.

Any advice? I want to be able to pay a 50/50 share of the bills but i feel if it was the other way around i would divide it up equally to earnings between us if i was the higher earner.

Each pay a % of earnings

Having a DC together I'd think you need to work more as a team...everything in and out of the same point.

And as mentioned on my last post i do work part time because i wanted to be around some of the time for my child/children, i have never struggled financially before. I am more than happy to go full time but at present it isn't possible within my job.

Working P/T because you want to be around your children is a luxury many people would like but it's just not possible.

I'd suggest you look for a full time job but it's probably not the advice you were after.

Work out how much all bills are over the course of a year. Divide by 12 to get average monthly cost. Each put half into a joint account each month and pay all bills out of that account. Tell your DP if he won't do that you're just going to have to move to a smaller house. Oh, and also tell him he's an idiot.

My wife and I leave ourselves a set figure in our own accounts each month for personal expenses and everything else gets lqumped into the joint to cover the wage gap...

Also make sure you're getting the best deal on your expenses. Switch your energy provider, Internet, mortgage, insurance ect and get cashback on all of these things! I finally split up my sky TV package and got £150 cashback with my new Internet provider and it was way cheaper than my previous option.

Well honestly it is your partner’s choice whether he wants to fund your only working PT lifestyle. If he saw value in and agreed with you being home with the children, you’d be paying a % in based on your % of your earnings plus his earnings.
So you either get him to agree that having a PT SAHM is a joint decision and he subsidise you, or you need to go back to working FT so you can afford your half of the bills.
If you were both working FT and he was outearning you by a wide margin, then it would be unfair to split bills 50/50 but that’s not the case here.

@PlanDeRaccordement

He does I guess, or he could help fund the childcare so she can work more hours

He clearly either doesn’t want to or is practically unable to contribute more— which do you think it is OP? Does he resent you working part time- did you work p/t when you met?

I wouldn’t be doing so much at the weekend that costs money.

In this situation I’d not subside a boyfriend to work part time as I see that as a luxury. I’d not work full time to enable some one else to work less.

He is being good going 50/50 if not all of the children are his.

Sounds like if he's unwilling to pay proportionally (which is his right) then you need to move out as you can't afford your current housing.

Not unreasonable for him to not want to subsidise you to work part time. He will need to be responsible for half the childcare costs for your joint child.

You can't afford to work part time.

What was agreed after you had DC2 regarding you taking a pay cut going pt?

If he's not forthcoming financially then you will either need to accept this or do something about it.

You could go back to work full time but jobs are scarce at the moment!

If you do go back to work full time then your partner will need to pay half the child care costs!

I didn't see your last post so don't know the details but if he had the money but won't contribute to household expenses you need to leave. Somone who loves you doesn't do this. How old is your child?

How old are your kids? Does the other parent contribute? What would happen regarding childcare if you worked full time? Are you claiming child benefit if you’re under the threshold? Why didn’t you struggle before? What changed? Would you be better off living on your own without your partner? Have you done the math?

Your DP doesn't sound very respectful towards you. Was it a joint decision to have a child? Was it a joint decision for you to work part time? Do you do more than 50/50 housework/cooking etc? It sounds like flat mates just sharing the bills 50/50 ... I was a SAHM for 12 years (one child - so most of those years he was at school ), I had full access to our joint account for whatever we needed for the house or I wanted personally *... we are a partnership, surely that's how it works?

• made sure my NI contributions were fully paid up of course.

I am fully prepared to go full time but can only do so when things return to normal in my workplace with all the corona business.
I've always worked part time, I previously recieved some working tax credits when I lived alone and was also entitled to travel expenses as I worked at several different work sites (same job but things changed and I'm no longer claiming these expenses)

Our child together is 1.

My older child is 13, I havent recieved any money from his father in years but have recently come to an agreement with him and should be receiving a small amount from him soon.
I realise my older child is my responsibility and technically I should probably contribute more as he's not my DP's dependant.

@Ragwort DC was very much unplanned. I do 99% of household/childcare stuff, you're not wrong in saying that we are like flatmates.

I respect it's his decision as to whether he puts more money in but if it was the other way around I wouldn't hesitate at all. I am looking after our DC on the days I don't work so I'm not exactly sitting around doing nothing.

Your post comes across as quite passive

When you discussed with your boyfriend, did you not explicitly tell him how much more he needs to contribute? Then tell him firmly he needs to, if he tried to argue otherwise? For all he knows you could be wittering your money away on personal things for yourself.

I'm the same in that I would work part-time if I could, because children are only young once and time with them is invaluable. However you need to discuss the financial implications of this with him and adjust outgoings if you're both spending above your means.

And yes the older child is yours and his father's responsibility, not your current boyfriend's responsibility. You need to be pursuing him for child maintenance via CMS for a proper sum. Disgraceful that he's not contributing properly towards his own child.

So, why do you do all the housework if he doesn’t support you financially?
Is childcare costs for your child together the days you work split equally between you? If not, why the hell not? And you must change that and he backpay you for his share for the year.

If you worked full time would you earn as much as him? If not you should move to a proportion of earnings contribution.

While he has more money than you and will only contribute half, you must cut the budget. Food budget - especially if he has any expensive tastes, you can’t afford to pay half of those. Entertainment budget of course but I’d start the cutting costs with any going out with him to be honest, a good parent prioritises their children.

Do you rent together? Whose name is on the tenancy? How many hours do you work and who looks after DC2 when you work? Although you might not be able to increase your hours at you job right now, do you want to try for shifts elsewhere? I guess it depends on what you do and how much childcare is.
Did you both make the decision to move in together? What does your partner do with his 'extra' money?

I remember your post from last time.

This relationship seems to benefit him mostly and you not much. You're doing all the skivvy work plus paying half the bills.

He's cheap and uncaring.

Living together without marriage does nothing for you either.

I'd look at moving out in the New Year. You'd probably be less stressed and have more money without him.

@DianaT1969 Yes we do rent together and it's a joint tenancy.
I work 22.5 hours a week over 3 days and Dc2 is in nursery while I work, although a family member has her for one day now. We made the decision together so were both aware of each others income and he knew I would lose my benefits. He makes random buys online alot, clothes, gym supplements, then food and drink from garages/corner shops which he does daily and soon adds up. He does buy things for me and DC too but alot is for himself and I spend little to none on myself.

@timeisnotaline No I would still earn less than him if I went full time, our salaries were probably similar but he has regular overtime and has recently had a promotion and pay rise.

At the end of the day it's his money and as long as he pays his half of the bills I can't complain but he knows I'm struggling and eating through my savings.

I was so much better off living alone and feel like we made a huge mistake moving in together now.

You cannot afford to live with him. It is costing you money to live with him. Essentially you are paying him to live with you. You are paying to have a man live with you. Is he worth it?

He is tight and mean and selfish. This is how he is, and he will always be like this. He loves money more than he loves you, although to be utterly fair I don't think he even likes you very much. He knows that you have lost benefits, and he is happy with that. He is small and mean and shrivelled inside. It does not give him joy to make you happy. It does not matter to him that you are unhappy.

Personally, I find very little less attractive than a mean man. He will be mean in all sorts of ways as well - I bet he is not a considerate or generous lover either, is he? I bet the stuff he buys for you is very small and lacking true consideration.

Why are you paying for someone who you know doesn't like you to live with you? You are worth SO much more than this.

@PlanDeRaccordement Do you honestly think she's a SAHM against the wishes of her partner? Do you forget he's the FATHER of one of their children and should be paying towards upkeep and entertainment, or are you just being contrary as always?