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Original poster

suddenly irresistible to younger men

53 replies

Fancyachippy · 20/11/2020 20:22

I am 53 and have just come out of a 17 year relationship. I don't want the whole live in/life long partner thing again. Not quite sure what I want but dipped my toe into OLD. Went into it with a very open mind and a huge age range (mid 30s to 60s).
In my younger days I was never that attractive. OK but nothing special. When I hit mid forties the weight dropped off me, I got cheekbones and suddenly I became prettier with a much better figure than I had ever had before.
Here's the thing - all the guys who are most interested in me are around 35 years - and there's loads of them and gorgeous too. Should I just go for it and enjoy some sex with some guys who I would never have been able 'to pull' in my younger days or is there a huge risk that I am just going to feel like an old slapper and just 'an experience' for a younger guy? In so many ways I just want to go for it but I am scared I am going to feel my age and ultimately end up feeling used.

OP posts:
SpillingTheTea · 20/11/2020 20:25

Are they actually 35 though? Well you mention sex so you can't mix it with feelings. U think some men just want to either say they've done an older lady or try it.

SpillingTheTea · 20/11/2020 20:25

I* not u

CyberNan · 20/11/2020 20:26

they are looking to shag an older woman because apparently we are more comfortable in our bodies and are up to try different kinks... they are also hoping you are financially stable and can support them

shag them by all means, but dont get emotionally involved. They wont stick around and will never take you home to meet mother...

loutypips · 20/11/2020 20:29

Unfortunately it's pretty much sex without the risk of pregnancy that's probably making you more 'attractive' to them. They know that they aren't going to get tied down by a baby.
If you're up for just a bit of fun, then why not? But don't get attached as they will probably move on and then end up marrying and making a family with the next woman.

LilyWater · 20/11/2020 20:33
Confused

Put yourself in the mind of a 35 year old man. At 53 you're old enough to be his mother. He's obviously not going to be looking for something that's for your benefit...

Bananalanacake · 20/11/2020 20:38

CyberNan: Good point there, I think you mean potential cocklodgers.

Weetabixandcrumpets · 20/11/2020 20:41

I don't think it's the age thing. I know a couple with a 17 year age gap(she is older) and they are very happy, well suited and it works. I know another who are not and it doesn't!
I think it's more about casual sex. Not something I could easily do without it affecting my self esteem and I think you are probably worth more than that.
So yes, by all means date whomever you wish and if you make each other happy then that is marvellous, but be very wary of selling yourself short for a quick shag.

RandomMess · 20/11/2020 21:16

They don't want a woman to settle down and have kids with which is what they assume most women under 40 want...

AnyFucker · 20/11/2020 21:18

Come on. Use your brain here.

GreenClock · 20/11/2020 21:19

They may be thinking that you won’t want marriage and kids, which many 35yo women would (though not all obvs).

If you’re looking for a relationship I’d avoid these. Or at least be very careful and choosy.

Poppingnostopping · 20/11/2020 21:30

I don't think it's especially weird, it depends what you want out of the situation. All OLD risks you meeting someone up for a shag, that's exactly what my younger friends have found and men appear fickle whatever the age group, with a smattering of ones interested in long-term relationships.

I know a very successful age gap relationship, he was 20 and she was 40 with two children, and his parents were horrified (lack of grandchildren, older woman) but when I knew them they had been together twenty years and were a fabulous couple.

I think you have to be honest about why anyone might be into OLD, and factor in the reasons why they might prefer older women, or just aren't fussy in their age range, but there might be some gems in there.

EarthSight · 20/11/2020 21:42

Well, if you really think you can keep it to just being a sexual thing and there's a lot in it for you, then go ahead.

However, otherwise don't. These are the types of men interested in much older women

  1. They have mummy issues. They want a much older women, but there is some kind of issue with their own mother. A dead mother, a mother who left them, conflict with their mother.
  2. They have mild submissive tendencies. They want to be with a much older woman because they quite fancy being the younger, child like one of the relationship. They think you will mother them and tell them what to do.
  3. They're having difficult getting casual sex with women their own age so they think that an older woman is going to be overjoyed and flattered to think that an younger man is interested in them
  4. They want it for the experience.
  5. They might have cocklodger ambitions
  6. They are genuinely attracted to older women, but often that has close links with point 2.
  7. They don't want to risk pregnancy or commitment needs
  8. The swipe and like hundreds of women constantly, in the hope that one woman might show an interest. They might have barely even looked at your profile.
EarthSight · 20/11/2020 21:44
  1. They have abandonment or jealously issues. They think that you'll be so overjoyed and won over by their youth that they won't have to worry about you straying.
ReneeRol · 20/11/2020 22:00

It's very rare for a 35 year old man to look for a woman old enough to be his mother a potential love interest.

You'll find mostly scammers, cocklodgers, perverts and creeps looking for an easy shag.

If you're going to go for it, keep your eyes wide open, block anybody who asks for money or needs a visa and be careful.

waitrosetrollydolly · 20/11/2020 22:19

This has happened to me in Sainsbury's! Just be flattered but take it all with a pinch of salt.

Needhelp101 · 20/11/2020 22:29

I speak with some experience here 😉

If you're looking for a relationship, avoid. You're at totally different stages in your lives.

If you just want some (safe, obviously) fun, go for it. I find you can weed out the idiots and misogynists early on.

I've known most of my young friends for a few years now. They have to be capable of a decent conversation as well. And they are SERIOUSLY 🔥

Oh, and the reason that comes up most often for the older women preference is better sex, better conversation and that we don't play games. As I reply, that's because we don't have the energy Grin

myhumps123 · 20/11/2020 22:34

I feel the reason you are getting the attention is because there is zero chance of you getting pregnant but also that you are going to be flattered by their attention and won't reject them. If you want to have sex then go for it but I feel like it won't end well.

firesong · 20/11/2020 22:39

I don't know if they are ALL just wanting an older woman experience. You have said that you look more attractive than you did when you were younger. So you look good, you're available... everyone is different and will want different things. Before getting together with me, my boyfriend was with a woman in her early 50s (he was 40) and it wasn't because he wanted an older woman experience. I've seen pictures, she is an attractive lady and he liked her company.

Isthisnothing · 20/11/2020 23:01

I find the replies here really quite alarming and ageist.

The op has stated she looks more attractive as she aged so it makes sense she would get more attention online from men.

I'm not saying their intentions are honourable - quite the opposite. I think they just like the look of you.

Craftycorvid · 20/11/2020 23:18

As long as it’s fun, you feel comfortable with it and you’re not taking any risks with someone you don’t know very well....enjoy! (And please tell me your secret when you work it out Grin).

UpHereforDancng · 21/11/2020 00:07

This is an interesting post.

I'm in my early fifties and I swear guys my age just look through me. But I often leave my local Tesco's with legs like jelly after one of the 20-something cashiers has flirted with me!

I'm happily married btw.

Blueskysunsout · 21/11/2020 00:14

I’m with a younger man. We are very happy and been together 6 years.
Most of the advice given here is ok but so ageist. It’s seems that is fine for an older man/younger woman but should the woman want a younger man it’s very controversial.
You are a grown woman with instincts and are not stupid. Have fun enjoy yourself and if you find love then good for you.

feelingsomewhatlost · 21/11/2020 00:15

Blimey! Lots of negative comments here, I'll chime in and say go for it Grin I have quite a few male friends who are into 'older' women and they're not weird or have commitment issues, they just find older women sexy (shock horror) Wink

UniversalHadIt · 21/11/2020 00:15

Oh shag away OP.
Be sensible, take care, take precautions, maybe hotels rather than your house or theirs.
Don’t get attached or emotionally involved.
See what happens.

I see no reason why that would be a problem in your 20s or your 60s. (fwiw I had a few years of hedonism in my 20s. Slept with lots of older men in that time- had a wonderful time and wanted nothing more from them than sex. Don’t see why this is any different).

bembridge11 · 21/11/2020 00:20

100% go for it!!! You deserve to have a bit of fun!!! You look desirable and you are desirable. And you will be using them for sex. You are in charge. And are a cougar! Go have some fun!