Stbxh wants to start having sleepovers

[Angelfish2021]

Stbxh keeps suggesting we have sleepovers at each others houses so the kids have that family all under one roof for the night thing.
I feel like it will feel fake and also can't stand the thought of it.
Now kids keep asking me as I think he's either mentioning it to them. I heard my DD ask him the other day 'can mummy come for a sleepover to yours?' and he replied 'ask mummy if she wants to' which I feel is putting it all on me.
I can't see how this would benefit them at all, more confuse them and make uncertainty and hope that we would move back in together or something (which is never happening)
So I'm seen as the bad guy to not be up for this idea now, how to explain to young kids though?

Sounds more like a control thing dressed up as "for the kids". Just keep saying no, it sounds weird as fuck.

As for the kids just tell them the truth, you dont want to. You dont have to go into more details, just tell them that.

That's so manipulative.
Sleepover is such a creepy way to describe it as well.

No no no. This is confusing. What will happen when you both have new partners?

Just why ?

It's not bloody normal. Presume he's STBEX fir a reason ...

Maybe tell your children that sleepovers are for kids, not adults and that mummy and daddy have separate houses?
That if they want a sleepover you are happy to invite their friends over.
Keep repeating 'if you want a sleepover let's invite friends over'

If you want to be even more creeped out he actually said:
'we obviously won't be being intimate' 🤢🤢🤢

No. It's a rubbish idea and just gives the kids false hope.
Maybe say Mummy and Daddy don't live together any more and this is your time with Daddy.

Exh keeps suggesting this to our DC using pretty much the same tactic and placing the decision on me, thus making it my fault if I decline and DC are upset. I have no advice but I'm in the same boat so offering a bit of solidarity!

'No. Mummy and daddy don't love each other anymore so we absolutely wont be doing that. It would be weird. And I don't want to'. Say it infront of him.

I also think it's absolutely fine to say you don't want to. Even to the kids. Frame it clearly that you don't want to have sleepovers with Daddy.
Then tell him to stop asking. It's not fair on the kids.

@Bunnymumy

'No. Mummy and daddy don't love each other anymore so we absolutely wont be doing that. It would be weird. And I don't want to'. Say it infront of him.

This. What he is doing sounds creepy, controlling and frankly, bizarre. You don't have to pussy foot around him.

Tell him to stop being manipulative and using the children in his scheme.

Manipulative twat.

All that coming and going would be very confusing for the kids. You're either broken up or not. He is using the as a form of control.

Cheeky fucker.

Tell the children that daddy has a new home, and sometimes they go and sleep over with daddy, too see daddy as this is their special together time or they get to be home with mummy, so mummy's don't do sleepovers with daddy when they don't love each other anymore.
Also depending on how old your children are mention when daddy has a new girlfriend, she might get be cross if mummy was there.

Yuk, that's weird. He is being so unfair on the kids to suggest it knowing they will be disappointed.

I am seeing someone (though exdh doesn't know)
Can't imagine telling him I'm staying the night with my ex, so weird!!

Apart from the fact it would confuse the kids that's your time to do as you please ! He wants to keep tabs on you definitely don't tell him about new bloke he could start being awkward .

Wanker!!

All he's doing is upsetting the children!

It's not beneficial to them, it's just confusing!

Tell them that there are 'grown up' reasons why mummy & daddy don't live together anymore & that that's not going to change. THIS is how things are now & sleep overs aren't appropriate.

If they're too young to understand appropriate - make them laugh and tell them it's like wearing your pants on top of your trousers!!

If he asks you again (if the kids are there) say 'Don't be ridiculous. There are reasons we no longer live together, there's no way I want a 'sleep over' with you!!' (If the kids aren't there) 'Stop Fucking Asking. It's a very stupid idea & it's NOT going to happen, so stop suggesting it to the kids as you're just upsetting them'.

I know a few people who had continued to have 'family days out' & 'sleepovers' it just confuses the kids & gives them hope they'll get back together. Then obviously causes more issues down the line when they meet new partners.

You can be 'polite & friendly' enough at hand overs or birthday parties etc. That's good enough, you don't need 'family time' on a regular basis!

Sounds like he wants fwb shag.
Say no, he’s using you via the kids and that not fair

What the hell?! God he’s a jerk, sounds like he either wants to control you or try it on

No no and no again

OP,
Text him requesting that he not suggest sleepovers with mummy to the children as it both confusing, upsetting, and NOT in their best interest.

Good to have proof of what he is doing.

The best thing you can do for your children is to keep clear boundaries, not blur them like this. Some of these men never seem to think how these things effect their children, it's all about them and how they can control and manipulate. Makes me so angry.

Sorry, it's hit a raw nerve. Ex sil is playing this kind of card at the moment and it's upsetting the children. Daughter ended up in a refuge due to his behaviour and now he's talking about how he would like them all to be together and it's just mummy who is preventing it. I would love to tell him what I think of him, but can't.

Go straight to him

'Your suggestion of a 'sleepover' is, as you know, totally inappropriate and confusing for the children. You sound like a creep, and I don't want to hear any more about it, and nor do I want to hear that you've fed them the line that a 'sleepover' would be a good thing but nasty Mummy says no. Do not go down that route because I will take that kind of manipulation of the children very seriously.'

and he replied 'ask mummy if she wants to' which I feel is putting it all on me.

Also typical behaviour. They hate being seen as the bad guy and will do anything they can to make it difficult for you. I like what Bunnymumy said above and would go with that.