Do I tell my friend she's acting crazy after being dumped?

[captainpop]

A month ago my friends boyfriend of 4 years ended it.
He had been speaking to someone else.
Since then she's text him every day (he replies but doesn't initiate)
She's told him she could ruin his life if she told police about the time he slapped her a few years ago.
She's asking him questions daily why why
Sending him ranting texts
Yesterday he wasn't online all day on WhatsApp
She sent him text after text slagging him off
Asking why he hasn't been online all day and was he with the girl.
I've tried telling her that it's hard yes but he doesn't have to tell you anything.
I've told her to block him she won't.
She says they will be friends and she still wants to text him daily.
Do I tell her I think it's crazy ?

No point in telling her she's crazy right now. He can block her on all formats if he wants to. He has agency in this.

She's obviously still very emotional, but really, it's time for her self-respect to kick in. Maybe encourage her sense of dignity rather than tell her she's crazy.

Maybe he has blocked her, if he is still replying to her texts maybe he needs to be honest and say it's over, please do not message me or try and contact me again.

What a shame for your friend. She is obviously going though shock, anger, grief etc. Could you buy her a book or something that explains the stages of loss. If her ex blocks her then he's doing her a favour. He's obviously been very callous though which hasn't help. He should in some way help her move on and find closure if he can, eg writing her a letter.

The OP is asking whether she should tell her friend "it's crazy" (her behaviour), not she's crazy.

Yes, you'd be doing her a favour to tell her that her behaviour is crazy and for her own good she needs to stop, but it sounds like you've already tried and she's taken no notice.

Hopefully he will block her soon and she can start to try and heal and move on.

Tell her,if she keeps behaving like that they certainly won't be friends.

Tell her and be direct, she probably won't listen to you but it's worth saying.

I think you're crazy.

Because your 'friend's is a horrible, manipulative psycho. What on earth makes you think you're safe from her disordered personality?

Run for the hills!

Who ended the relationship and was it just because he talked to someone else or was he in another relationship.

I wouldn’t use the words ‘crazy’ but definitely try and tell her what she is doing isn’t right or helpful to her.

I do feel for her as it must have been a shock to her and she is still getting over it and rejection hurts, be prepared that she probably won’t listen and will carry on until he stops responding.

@Iggypoppie

What a shame for your friend. She is obviously going though shock, anger, grief etc. Could you buy her a book or something that explains the stages of loss. If her ex blocks her then he's doing her a favour. He's obviously been very callous though which hasn't help. He should in some way help her move on and find closure if he can, eg writing her a letter.

Buy her a book

Jesus wept.

This is harassment – can you imagine if a man did this to a woman?

Making threats of police reports, barraging him with text messages, tracking his online activity....

He hasn't been callous - he's even responding, most likely out of discomfort and nervousness.

OP, absolutely tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable.

yeah, I wouldn't use the 'crazy' word either, but I'd have to tell her she's acting like a stalker and could get herself into trouble if she's not careful. I know breaking up isn't easy, but... she needs to leave him alone for the sake of her own welfare and happiness.

Well it’s not hard to see why he dumped her.

No I wouldn’t tell her, I would back right off, she’s a psycho, and chances are she’ll turn on you too at some point. These types always do.

As pp said, point out to her that she is harrassing, bordering on stalking, her ex.

The only thing of any use she can do is to block the ex on everything and go no contact.

That’s harassment. A decent friend would tell her she’s risking a criminal record.

I don't know how she thinks she's going to get over him if she continues like this.
She's told him her ex could hack is phone if she wanted,she told him he best not get in a new relationship this quick because she will find it.
I'm worried about her,I've tried talking to her but she just won't listen

*hack his phone

OK, I felt sorry for her after your first post but following your update I'd agree with AlternativePerspective... I would back right off, she’s a psycho, and chances are she’ll turn on you too at some point. These types always do.

The hills are thata way >>>

She's harassing and threatening him. If she won't listen to you when you say how risky her behaviour is I would be saying I couldn't sit by and watch her self sabotage like this but will be here for her when she is ready to accept she needs to move on - that I would help her do that but cannot continue to stand by her side while she is harassing and threatening someone.

Personally I would give her some tough love

'i know you're hurting but you have to pull yourself together. He is entitled to leave you. You need to accept it and move on. He was not your possession. You are not entitled to harass and threaten him. It won't make you feel better and you could get into trouble. Imagine how much worse you will feel then."

If she persisted i would give her a wide berth and tell her why. It sounds harsh but I am really intolerant of people who can't control themselves. We all suffer. You can't punish everyone else.

Yes, I would tell her she is acting totally unreasonably, her behaviour is outrageous and not justified by her pain, and that her ex could well report her harassment and threats to the police.

And I'd draw back from her tbh, she doesn't sound a great person to be around.

If he's any sense he should be the one going to the police!

I agree with PPs, she a psycho. All it'll take is one bit of "advice" from you that she disagrees with and she'll turn on you too. Distance, sharpish.

She's hurting. We all know it's absolutely horrible being dumped. 4 years is a long time to be with someone and she'll be grieving. He'll have been a part of her life on a daily basis for 4 years and that's a hard thing to let go of.

Telling her she's crazy isn't kind or helpful, but certainly telling her some home truths won't go amiss. He's going to end up blocking her (I'm surprised he hasn't done it already to be honest) and if she persists then she's going to get into trouble for harassment. The kindest thing the ex-boyfriend could do is to ignore/block her. Replying to her texts is just perpetuating her misery.

Our current circumstances really aren't helpful here as I would otherwise have suggested trying to keep her occupied, take her out and do things to keep her mind off it all.

She sounds eaten up by hurt and jealousy and completely obsessed with him, nothing you can do or say will help and if you challenge her she might turn on you. I would make excuses not to see her, she needs to work through this herself and she may well get a visit from the police if she doesnt stop harassing him.

She sounds like a nut job to be honest with the stuff you have said.
Tell her to cut it out.