Do I tell my friend she's acting crazy after being dumped?

[captainpop]

A month ago my friends boyfriend of 4 years ended it.
He had been speaking to someone else.
Since then she's text him every day (he replies but doesn't initiate)
She's told him she could ruin his life if she told police about the time he slapped her a few years ago.
She's asking him questions daily why why
Sending him ranting texts
Yesterday he wasn't online all day on WhatsApp
She sent him text after text slagging him off
Asking why he hasn't been online all day and was he with the girl.
I've tried telling her that it's hard yes but he doesn't have to tell you anything.
I've told her to block him she won't.
She says they will be friends and she still wants to text him daily.
Do I tell her I think it's crazy ?

This is harassment – can you imagine if a man did this to a woman?

Making threats of police reports, barraging him with text messages, tracking his online activity....

He hasn't been callous - he's even responding, most likely out of discomfort and nervousness.

OP, absolutely tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable.

^^ this
She’s in full blown fatal attraction territory.

I would be stepping back from her. I assume, as you know all this, she's been talking to/texting you incessantly about it all?

She won't listen to you so I wouldn't bother. And at some level, it's not your business. Just leave her to it, but don't be so available to her.

I'd be telling her that her behaviour was completely out of order, that it could very reasonably be construed as harassment, and that if she kept it up, she'd be very well served if she got a visit from the police.

The relationship is over. He doesn't owe her any explanations, any further of his time and his attention, and she's making a criminal fool of herself.

I think either leave her completely to it and tell her you don't want to hear about her levels of harassment or spell it out the level of crazy she is being, as harsh as necessary

The kindest thing the ex-boyfriend could do is to ignore/block her. Replying to her texts is just perpetuating her misery

My guess is he's not trying to perpetuate her misery, he's trying to keep himself safe by not angering her further.

I've been in relationships like this. You don't poke the tiger.

"Wonder why her friends didn't stop her" When someone is obsessed after a relationship ends they want to control the narrative and are driven by emotions and a person like this woman? Idk if she'd listen to anyone right now

@Iggypoppie

What a shame for your friend. She is obviously going though shock, anger, grief etc. Could you buy her a book or something that explains the stages of loss. If her ex blocks her then he's doing her a favour. He's obviously been very callous though which hasn't help. He should in some way help her move on and find closure if he can, eg writing her a letter.

Buy her a book? Seriously?

Hi Op I have been there too like your friend who appears to be on the edge of insantity with being dumped like that it does hurt sting salt chaffing on open sore,sting like crazy.

Your friend obviously needs to work through her rage grief and loss in a way she is not losing face so to speak,

Your friend needs to find a way to distract herself herself whilst doing this.
Tell her to practise self care such as spa pamper at home session.
To look into nostagalia at seeing feel good factor TV prgramess and films, and comedy shows on TV.

Tell her to spend bit of time in nature whenever poss weather permitting or watch nature TV shows .

Tell her to get into creative art stuff like active mediation..

What be good for your friend is to get out her anger, etc by doing online self defense or zumba/or boxing exercise fusion or any vigorous exercise on YouTube .

I don't know, but I'm not sure I'd want to remain her friend after seeing all that!

*Personally I would give her some tough love

'i know you're hurting but you have to pull yourself together. He is entitled to leave you. You need to accept it and move on. He was not your possession. You are not entitled to harass and threaten him. It won't make you feel better and you could get into trouble. Imagine how much worse you will feel then."*

Completely agree with this.
Is your friend drinking OP?
I know some men who acted like this and alcohol made it far worse.

If you want to stand by her and try to help her out (you shouldn't feel obligated to btw) then I would ask is there anything I could do to help her? such as taking her phone, going to sit with her if she felt a rage coming on, try to find a counsellor or doctor or so on.
When my ex was like this prescription tranquilisers helped him to calm down.

I agree you need to be honest with your friend, her behaviour isn't acceptable. Talk to her about it, the risk of a criminal record etc, then try to distract her and give her things to take her mind off it - long walks in the countryside? Film nights?

She is a psycho ex. Many on mumsnet don't believe they exist in the female form.

A month is no time at all! She's in total shock. He can take responsibility by blocking/not responding, that is just fuelling her emotional behaviour.

I hope self respect kicks in soon, for her sake, that she can hold her head high and treat him with contempt.

If the is was my friend, I would definitely say something. This is harassment and I'd not want to let her get in trouble with the law for the sake of a broken relationship. Also, because it's fucking mental and the relationship I have with my friends would allow me to tell them so.

She needs to block him, for her own well being. And maybe get some therapy. And stay single for quite a while.

I am a psycho ex. I was diagnosed by him just after he tried to get me sectioned. I then got my username.

I guess I was just meant to take it on the chin.

I think his definition of psychosis was finding out about his cheating.

I'm sorry that happen to you, but not really relevant to this situation in the nicest possible way?

It's no wonder he ended it. He did the right thing.
You need to mind yourself with her.
She is a bully and she lacks awareness and respect for others.
You should start moving yourself out of this friendship with her. She's dangerous.

I know you want to help your friend but right now it would be like talking to a brick wall.

I'm friends with someone who, when she split up with her boyfriend of 5 years, went - quite honestly- mental.

They had a house together and he bought her out. He started seeing someone new about 6 months after they split up and she got even crazier than before. After a night out she got us to drop her at the house in a taxi. She told us he had text her and asked her to come round.

In actual fact he hadn't at all. She broke into the house through the back cos she knew his new gf was there with him!

The police were called. Obviously.

I just stopped talking about their situation after that. It was clear she wasn't going to listen to a word I said.

I love how making threats of a police report is harassment never mind that he slapped her which is clearly fine unlike threatening to tell the police! Was he abusive?

@Itsallpointless

A month is no time at all! She's in total shock. He can take responsibility by blocking/not responding, that is just fuelling her emotional behaviour.

I hope self respect kicks in soon, for her sake, that she can hold her head high and treat him with contempt.

Yeah, lets victim blame because he's the bloke. Have a word with yourself! He has no responsibility to take at all and she could end up with a charge!

OP, I'd quite plainly spell out that she is committing an offence and he is well within his rights to go to the police and he has all the evidence he needs. I'd also back off from her as it's a disgusting way to behave. She doesn't get a free pass to behave like a twat because she's hurting. What she's doing is against the law and many of these softly softly replies would be very different if it was a man doing it to a woman!

It sounds like him leaving her has left her deeply traumatised and she needs help. I do feel for her and if she’s a good friend of yours who’s usually lovely and sane then tell her she could get into serious trouble and push him away even as friends.

But I wouldn’t just throw her away in this time of her being so very vulnerable. We do not know if this lady has previous traumas in her life. Please be kind.

I know two women who have behaved like this at breakups.
Neither of them are good at friendship, too self absorbed and lacking in boundaries and any recognition that people have their own motivations and are entitled to independence.
So seeing it as being abandoned when a friend who had agreed to meet up and do an activity won't change the activity at the last minute to something they would rather do.
I'm no longer friends with either of them, I got too old and my patience ran out once they were past thirty.
I would have a think about your friendship to be honest..

There's clearly more to this than meets the eye.

She's kept his secrets of being an abusive arsehole under wraps and probably more, hense his pacifying her behaviour.

She's not thinking straight at he moment and her mental health has taken a nose dive, quite clearly in agony and pain.
Just be there for her, hopefully time will ease the pain, but I don't think youv'e seen the worst of it yet.
Encourage her to see a life without him and some of the benefits that could occur in future relationships, try and build her confidence back up.

The police are very knowledgable about these situations if it continues to escalate.

I do think some of the replies are a little harsh, mental illness brought about from trauma is very real.

Christ women in Victorian times were thrown in Bedlam and the key was chucked away for this type of hysteria.

Hope she manages to get over him, he doesn't sound too nice.