Is he a prick?

[Peakyblinder101]

Hello ladies

I have had about 6/7 dates with a guy, going well however I have felt the conversation has not been flowing and not really suited to one another, however I hadn’t thought too deeply in to it to be honest and saw it as lets just see how it goes. It seems he agreed after the last date last night he has messaged me today, I stayed over last night and he had bought food for us to eat last night etc. Now he initially messaged saying I’m sorry I don’t see it going anywhere because of the age difference (I am 25 he is 33) and he is sorry. I replied nicely saying don’t be sorry I agree but not in terms of age more in terms of personality and felt that ended it all nicely. No harm done.

He then replied a while later saying it has left a ‘sour taste’ for him as I had not thanked him for the money he has spent and he felt it would have been nice for me to thank him. I apologised he felt that way and said I had offered to transfer, which I have done after each bit of money he has spent including this morning to which he always says don't be silly and it’s only ‘such and such’.

Now I am going to transfer money to him but I just feel it is quite spiteful to tell me all along it is no issue with money, and he has been happy to pay and shut me down when I have offered, to now throw it back at me. When he has discussed people he has dated before he has talked a lot about the amount of money he spent on them and thy don’t offer, so at those points I always said oh I have never meant that I would rather split, for him to again say no its not you I mean etc this is small amounts. Bare in mind a lot of our dates have been at home so ifs home cooked food and shop drinks so not massively expensive, but like I say I assure you I have offered buf he declines.

It’s left me feeling like I sant to message him saying I have transferred so the money is in your account, but point out I had offered before so to be honest I do not appreciate him messaging me as if I used him like that when he knows fine well I did.

The money is about £30-40 worth for context.

FYI I also feel the reason he ended it is he saw self hark scars on a part of my body he never spotted before, he noticed this morning and immediately made me uncomfortable with his response so I explained I had been been young (13) when done and I regret it, but his attitude changed straight away.

And reading your OP the man actually hasn’t asked you for any money at all? You are the one saying you will transfer, he was just saying say thank you for spending it to kick you back effectively (childish so he’s no better) but he hasn’t asked you for it back??

I'm not sure where you're getting that she criticised his personality? You can say "I don't think our personalities make a good fit" or something like that, and that's not saying anything nasty about him.

I guess it depends exactly what she said whether she's a prick or no.

So he actually gave you his bank details so you could transfer the money for the food?

He's pissed off because you agreed with him about the relationship going nowhere. Ignore and block.

@DrizzleandDamp

Actually I’m kind of with Sundance, he didn’t want to see you again, for whatever reason that actually was if he doesn’t he doesn’t, we say that on here to women all the time.

He gave you a soft kind “fake” probably reason about age to, in his mind, end things in a good way.

And you basically texted him back you had issues with his personality.

Yes he should at that point have taken it on the chin and not responded about money (hate all this transferring thing when dating anyway romance is dead!!). So on that score he was petty. But you kinda started the whole thing and were the prick. Sorry.

How are you reading that into the OP’s post, she nicely said it wasn’t working in terms of personality. It could have been anything from we don’t seem to fit personality wise/our personalities are too different.

She didn’t criticise him.

He very clearly wanted her to beg him for a chance. And is royally pissed off.

A man who’ve goes on and on about all the other dates taking financial advantage of him would be a big red flag on its own anyway. He wasn’t spending loads to begin with and setting you on the back foot. Like the men who tell you their ex’s are psychos. Usually it’s not the ex’s.

Lucky escape OP. Block and move on.

What a cheap petty little man.

Don't give him any money.

If I were cheeky enough, I'd send him an invoice for the bad sex!

Note: guys who are really into you never complain about spending money on you. I couldn't imagine a guy bringing up spending £5 on some food that he ate too. The audacity! I'd laugh right in his face.

Yes he’s a prick, don’t send him any money! You’ve been nice throughout, he shouldn’t be demanding it now. Poor form!

But it wasn’t necessary was it? He said it was age, nothing that could possibly offend either of them.

She went back with “no it’s personality” which dependent on how she wrote it could absolutely be hurtful. She could simply have said “I agree let’s move on” job done. Why do it? So yes, she kick started it, not saying he’s not a prick to bang on about money after that.

But did he actually ask for any back? Also unclear.

I just think people are automatically ripping into the guy and it sounds like they were both at fault. MN isn’t very balanced sometimes.

Thanks everyone

Re. The comments I was being spiteful to him first, I suppose perhaps he could see it like that and he felt hurt and then responded with money. I didn’t mean it to offend him though I was genuinely agreeing with him that there were differences, but I did feel the need to say I don’t agree its age but personalities differences. That wasn’t to be spiteful, so I guess I take on board if it comes across that way, but purely as I think thats more what we both mean as I don’t feel age is the issue here.

I agree that in hindight I should not have done so many home dates, but thank god we did given the awkward money feelings now. He spent s lot of time daying if it wasn’t for Covid he would take me to such and such destaurant thats espensive. But yes, I agree massive red flags in terms of him talking about money spent on exs which had already got me wondering, as he has referred to some as ‘mental’. He also said that to me when I told him I was hurt I had cooked and he didn’t eat any of it.

This is what I mean by I think we are both very different so was not upset, but yes perhaps he saw that as a dig at him! It wasn’t and I said in the message that is always fine with dating.

Yes he responded to my message to say the sour taste comment about money, and he has asked for money back. I am going to transfer as I have offered throughout and to be honest I would just rather do that.

Don't transfer any money to this prick just block him on everything. He sounds like a proper loser.I have self harm scars from teenage years too, they have nothing to do with the person I am today and I don't expect anyone to comment on them and try and make me feel bad about it.

Send him an invoice. Your time is also precious op..

Definitely bin him, keep the money and celebrate with a gift to yourself! He sounds a charmer!

He’s the one who wanted to finish it and now he wants a refund! Geez! Tell him to fuck off. What a cheapskate.

Please don’t send this man money. My lord. Is it not enough there’s a pay gap now we are indebted to men for shit dates?

I also vote for not transferring it op. It won't change his attitude. He will continue to be bitter about women not paying their way. As he rejected your offers, he has created that problem - not you. You've dodged a bullet there.

Sounds a bit like he's DTD and that's that. Not sure sleeping with someone you didn't feel you were compatible with is wise but he's had his money's worth of wasting your time and energy so fair's fair!

@Queenoftheashes

Please don’t send this man money. My lord. Is it not enough there’s a pay gap now we are indebted to men for shit dates?

This!

I’d be tempted to reply with some sort of ‘get a grip’ meme and then block.

If you pay him you are conceding/encouraging him that he is correct.
Tell him to fuck-off and block him.
No more no less.
It's what he deserves.

He sounds a right tosser. Don't send money to the pathetic little specimen.

BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK!
Block and forget.

Haha 😂 love this

He's had his ego dented. Hey ho. Move on with your head held high.

So he ends it via text for a fake reason (after sex by any chance?) And when you take it well he has a go at you for not thanking him!?

Not a prick op, a narcissist. He wanted you to fall apart at being ditched, for his ego. And when you didnt, he berated you out of spite.

Ah he asked, in which case block, send it so you feel higher ground.