Tinder and 3 week old baby

[hellolittleone]

My partner and I had a disagreement yesterday and he flew off the handle over something really minor. He didn't speak to me all day and when he got home from work he didn't kiss me or hug me, he barely spoke to me. I've been upset about it all day and had tried to make things better by telling him I loved him and that I didn't want to fight over silly things. We have a 3 week old baby so I've been sleeping in the lounge so he can get a good nights sleep for work but he was in there late tonight watching tv so I fell asleep in our bedroom.

I went down to check and he was asleep on the sofa, so I text from upstairs to say goodnight as didn't want to wake him. The text didn't go through, so I went down to check if his phone was dead, his alarm wouldn't have gone off for work if it was and has happened lots of times. I decided to check if he had blocked my number as we had been arguing through text a bit yesterday.

As I'm looking at the inbox I see a text

"Your Tinder code is ..." and some numbers to input.

I'm absolutely heartbroken. I went in and woke him up gently and said babe why is there a text from tinder on your phone, I was calm and collected because we have two ds's who were asleep. He told me he didn't need to explain anything to me and I should trust him and I was making him angry? So I told him I do trust him but I just wanted to know what it was and why it was on his phone. After half an hour of him calling me out for looking and basically gaslighting me he said that it just came through and he doesn't know why or where from. He was so annoyed and told me he will be using tinder from now on seeing as I've accused him.

Would you believe him? I do or did trust him 100% and we are or were very happy. However I was cheated on in the past when I was sure the relationship was a happy one. I'm devastated and don't know what to do. He's basically told me the relationship is over because I looked on his phone but it wasn't even like that. I never look at his phone and trust him. He's left now at 3am in the car.

I'm sat in the bedroom just crying I don't know what to think or do. He's been a bit distant and now my mind is running away with me. But I genuinely thought he loved me. Do you think it's innocent?

I would have bounced the phone right off his fucking head. He's a dick OP. You need to get angry and get rid of him.

You will be entitled to benefits and maintenance, so don't worry about not managing financially.

You need to open your eyes and see what he's doing to you is abusive. Get angry and don't put up with this shit any longer.

For a start I’m disgusted he didn’t do the night feeds when u got home after having a section and him being off for a week. Right then I would have doubted the partnership. U both created this baby. Whether he works or not, motherhood is a job also. And it should be spilt 50/50 chores, and parenting. I’ve a 10 year old (emergency section) and 5 months pregnant with second(will be planned csection) my partner knows (and is more than happy) to take over caring for little one when I come home from
Hospital until I’m rested then we will split 50/50 regardless of him working and me being on maternity. Giving birth is hard and our bodies go through so much so we deserve to have breaks also and help around the house and a decent night sleep. Now that u have recovered from ur section u should be sleeping in ur bed and if he wants to sleep seperate then he should be ok the sofa as it’s his choice. Fucking prick. Was he like this with ur first? So basically u knew he would be this unsupportive?

This rest is just a complete joke on his side. U caught him red handed and he is gaslighting u. He’s been looking a reason to leave and he now feels u have give him something that he can use to blame u on the ending of the relationship so he doesn’t have to feel guilty. Please realise how much u deserve and how strong u can be. Take control. Tell him it’s over. That he’s in wrong and that he is not welcome back.

Have you got support? Parents? Friends?

You need to tell your support network what has been happening and let them cluster around you.

You're making this semi real speaking on here but make it real life real and start rebuilding your confidence

To be honest you sleeping on the sofa so he can get sleep shows you how badly he is treating you. You would be better off without him. I'm really sorry you are going through this

@hellolittleone

He's great most of the time very loving and caring. But when he isn't it's extremely upsetting and he acts as if I don't exist.

He doesn't do any housework because I am at home all day with the baby, and was made redundant after 9 years in my job just before I gave birth due to the pandemic.

Finances are okay but not equal as I'm no longer working. I have no money basically so rely on him if I need anything which isn't very nice. I'm at university so get student loan which I save most of and use some to update anything deemed unnecessary that I want because it's nicer not to ask.

I'm absolutely exhausted. I don't know what today will bring but thanks to all of you I feel a lot clearer and know that I deserve more even if it's just not lies and an actual explanation.

He said he doesn't have to explain himself last night, which I replied well we are in a relationship if it was the other way round I'm sure he would like to know why that was on my phone. I even tried to be reasonable and said look if it was a joke or you didn't actually go through with going on it just let me know I will understand. He just got more and more angry and wouldn't look at me the whole time

NO HE ISN'T!!

Sorry for shouting, but no decent man treats the mother of his children the way he treats you, either emotionally or practically.

You're basically a housekeeper.

He's telling you he is going to move out to try and get you to beg him to stay.

Everything I have read from you indicates he is continually conditioning you to behave in a certain way. Apologise, walk on egg shells, beg.

Just stop.

He sounds like a narcissist and honestly the shit side of him is who he really is. The nice loving one is there to reel you back in after he's treated you like shit.

Let him go. Your life will be so much happier.

He will threaten to take the kids blah blah blah but he won't because I bet he's useless with them.

I'm a single mum, ex was just like this. I left when my daughter was 1 and didn't look back. Don't waste your life, you sound lovely and you deserve better

How are you today @hellolittleone?

It's good you can manage without him. It's hard I can imagine specially having a new born. Can you mum move in for a bit when he moves out to help x