Genuine question for those cheating with committed folks

[inthethickofit19]

Do you not care / does it not bother you that they will still be sleeping with their spouse/partner? I've always failed to understand this. Do they genuinely believe their relationship is 'better' ?

[quote Onthedunes]@Bluntness100... we meet again..

I understand what you are saying and yes the variables of how relationships fail are numerous but it does not alter the fact that marriage should be respected, it is in place to protect women (and men).

What would you prefer that marriage not exist and anything goes.

So you believe there is equality between men and women?[/quote]
Why should I respect his marriage? He didn’t respect it so why should I ?

In fact there’s a lot of stuff he told me that she didn’t even know. I knew how many people he cheated with for example which she didn’t know and still doesn’t.

Other people’s marriages are not my concern. It’s just a bit of paper in my eyes to protect one of the party legally.

I didn’t sign that contract so I don’t care about it.

I think whether you care or not about him double dipping, depends on your own situation.

MW in affairs may not be so fussed
The single OW who is in love, is not so keen on him sleeping with his wife.

The belief or thinking that affairs are mainly by married men is not so.
A lot of married women also have affairs...sisterhood is no more a thing than brotherhood.

It's not always because of a lack of sex...some people just want more.

I remember a thread on another site where a MW was having an affair with a single OM....he felt very proud that she was going home to her DH after he had unprotected sex with her...he saw it as her DH getting sloppy seconds.

Some sign up to Ashley Madison and similar sites, so they know the deal.

I asked the question because I know a couple where the man has been having a very long term affair with someone I know. The wife doesn't know as far as I'm aware and that's heartbreaking but I'm surprised the ow has accepted that he won't leave his wife and I wondered how she accepts that he is still sleeping with his wife. The wife is happy in their relationship, she doesn't know that it's still going on. She suspected years ago and some of it came to surface but he reassured her it was all over.

It's not just the sex but the fact he plays happy families with both. The Ow knows about the wife but the wife doesn't know about her. I just wondered how ow maintains a relationship with him knowing that he is playing happy families at home. She wanted him to leave previously but I think she has accepted now that he won't.

Do you know for a fact she knows he is sleeping with his wife and that he hasn’t lied to her about it? Or that he is genuinely happy? I’m guessing he isn’t genuinely happy and there are other reasons he stays.

It’s a very sad situation though, but unless you know the ow personally then it’s not safe to assume what she knows or thinks.

@Bluntness100 yes I knew the ow very well and she does know. We fell out over it

It's hard to give details without outing but it's a situation that's stayed with me for a long time. I've almost told the wife on several occasions but it's tricky for various reasons

At times I think the wife must know but can't be 100%

Then I’d say she has mental health issues to hang about shagging the sort of scum who tells her he’s happily married and sexually active with his wife, that must be soul destroying.

I knew a woman who was the OW 20+years no mental health issue whatsoever
She knew her married lover had a wife and kids, it wasn’t hidden,and maintained the relationship

The relationship isn’t better but the sex usually is. Some people just fuck because they want to, they don’t want a relationship nor do they expect or demand to know whether the AP is having sex at home or not.

@inthethickofit19

At times I think the wife must know but can't be 100%

Out of curiosity, what makes you think the wife must know?

As a wife who has been cheated on, i would want to know. I mean I've checked out now anyway so I dont think it would make a big difference to me now, but if I was in the trying stage of my relationship then I'd want to know to give me the drive to make an informed decision about the future of my relationship (basically LTB!)

People who are happy and committed to their relationships don't sleep around, they really don't. Why would they?

Partnered people who cheat have squared this away with themselves and maybe they've told their affair partner that they're still sleeping with their spouse but maybe not. I doubt that the affair partner cares either as it's a completely separate thing and some people can compartmentalise quite well.

I roll my eyes at the '... but everything was great' trope because it obviously wasn't. There's a keen sense of denial with some and that's fully understandable - marriage is easy to do, difficult and painful to get out of - and leaving comes with consequences which nobody wants.