Sexless marriage and desperate for a baby

[Wwyd70]

I’m not really sure what I’m hoping for by posting on here but I don’t know what else to do, so here goes.

My DH and I have been together for almost seven years now. We have had sex once in the past five years, nothing for the past four years or so. We had a really difficult start to married life with family illness and I think it just destroyed our relationship.

I am desperate for children but I know neither of us want to have sex, let alone regular sex when trying to conceive. It’s getting me down so much not having my own child.

I don’t think he is gay or cheating. I do think we love each other but I’m not sure we are in love. He is a great guy. Really caring. He is my best friend. But that’s the issue. I think we are just friends. I have brought up counselling so many times but he feels there isn’t an issue. There are still many factors that affect our relationship. His family is a big one, especially his sister. Since she had a DD he is always wanting to see them, spoiling the baby and it makes me even more resentful. I am also resentful at how our married life started and I feel like he chose his family over me.

Sorry for the rambling post. Just don’t know what to do anymore.

You both should be running for the hills at equal speed.

You are my soul sis....

I was bad with relationships, never into one proper one. Got tired of guys trying to make a mistress out of me which was against my ideals and married the next guy who agreed to marry me.

He was perfect that all others whom i had met. His was a second marriage ( broken after 5 years) . His mom was separated.
We started with his erectile dysfunction issues which he never wanted to seek help for. Then Diabetes , then alcoholism and then narcissm. In all that humiliation of sharing a bed every night and not even touched and questioning my feminity, i ended up morbid obese ( was obese always).

Then decided to seek help . I opened up with my parents and psychologists which helped me analyse.
So now my marriage is a companionship. We travel together, eat well , take care of families, celebrate and socialise. Officially a lot of people are jealous of us. I live a life of celibacy. Into fitness , meditation and philanthropy. Never seen him even watching porn, He is always home in time , focussed on his career. I have doubted gayness but not seen it . I don't worry even.

We keep the finances a little separate to mitigate risk of future in case i or he end up really finding love ( never discussed off course)

Initially we talked about adoption but last year realised i want my own child. He isnt ready to have sex and finally gave in to fertility treatments( guess the thought of touching me is too much for him- either he has loved someone too much or he is not ready to step out of the closet) .

Will put my heart and money into it. If i get blessed well and good. If not , then will become an ascetic in another 5-10 years and work with other children of the world.

Yes it is a partnership. We just take care of each other, we aren't cheating each other. Nor abuse neither things nor substances. We are just trying to be happy together with what we have even if it lacks physical desire.
If really we are blessed with kids, chances are we might be great parents too, as we are fav uncle and aunts of all neices and nephews, ourselves being fav children of our families.
I will like to hear what others think of this ?
Will this marriage survive till the end ?
Will it always be conditional?
Thoughts ....????

Have you married your friend rather than lover? If you want to see him as a lover maybe sex therapy? Clearly there is something wrong if your not attracted to each other if that’s the issue? Have you spoken about it? If it’s more care than anything maybe it’s time to leave.