I don't know what to do

[UndertheCedartree]

NCd

A stressful situation happened last night. My DP's nephew had self-harmed and myself and DP went over to support him for an hour. DP was very stressed out. On the way in the car he screamed at me and called me names. When we got home we got into an argument. He screamed in my face I was a cunt. Opened the front door and screamed everyone was a cunt. He threw my Echo show across the room. Grabbed the phone off me and hit me with it. He held me down and screamed at me. I have 2 DC who were in bed and were frightened by the shouting.

I don't know what to do. I'm in a very vulnerable situation right now. I have EUPD which I'm getting little support for right now due to Covid. I also had Covid in April and have just been diagnosed with Long Covid (minor heart problem causing nausea/dizziness) and Post-Covid fatigue. I am exhausted almost all the time and sleep for hours on the sofa during the day. I can't cope alone. But I hate how he treated me even though it was a stressful situation. What would you do?

Get rid of him! Know one just have to put up with that

Personally I would report him to the police for assault.
Imo you owe it to you dc..
Or they aren't going to feel safe in their own home.
Is he their df?

Talk to Women's Aid. There's no coming back from that.

He's not my DC's dad.

I get people saying report to the police etc. But practically what do I do? I'm not able to properly look after the DC on my own. I just feel trapped and that I can't break up with him as I'll have no help and won't be able to cope. I feel like I'll end up in hospital when I want to be with my DC.

You'll end up in hospital when he batters you again.

Is their dad in the picture?

Jesus that ones not a keeper! Get the hell out whilst you still can!

It's been such a stressful year regardless of having other issues to deal with also. There really is no need for physical/mental violence and can't really understand why he did these things to you, seemed unprovoked as you were helping him by going along go see nephew. I understand being a single with a long term health issue is very scary, do you have support from family and friends. Maybe you could run this situation by them and see what they think. Xx

@AnneLovesGilbert - yes, but he has his own mental health problems. It's complicated as I'm sure is often the case.

@madcatladyforever - I don't feel I'm any good for my children. If I'll end up in hospital either way what do I do? I just don't know what is best I guess my hope is this was a one off induced by stress. He is not normally like this. But without his help I can't care for the children and ultimately Childrens services will take them away.

There's only one cunt here and its not you! I know what I'd do with him but thats another story. He has to go, you can't be going through this again or live under the threat of it.

@naomi81- I don't understand either as I was trying to help but he seemed to take his anger/stress from the situation out on me. It was very out of character.

I have no family support. I've not seen my mum for a year due to Covid as she lives in another country. I do have a close friend but she has enough on her plate and I feel like I don't want to put this on her. She wouldn't be able to help with school runs or anything like that.

Just a guess, but I'll bet he (and/or his sibling) have a past history of self harm and seeing the nephew in the same situation has triggered some very painful memories, or even flashbacks to your DH'sown childdhood trauma.

Can you at least talk to your close friend about what you're dealing with? I'm very busy and my friends know I am, but if any of them got in touch with a problem like this I'd drop everything and do as much as I could. She might at least be able to offer advice.

Is he normally like this or was it a reaction to what was going on? Has he calmed down to a point where you can speak to him about it?

I was in a similar position last year I have chronic fatigue among other ill health issues and am unable to work. my now ex partner became very difficult to live with, I stayed longer than I should have because of feeling I wouldn't cope on my own.
My dc have no contact with their df so have no support /respite.
Its hard but somethings are easier and definitely a better environment for my dc to live in. We live life very basically. I got in touch with young carers who gave some initial support and school are currently looking at assessing the family to see what our needs are and what agencies can meet them.
I applied for personal independence payments which means I can now hire a cleaner and gardener. I do online food delivery and have set up a priority slot. Sleep/rest while the children are at school. School holidays are hard but we somehow manage.
Unfortunately apart from school the children don't really do anything outside of the house because I can't manage however they are a lot happier. My children are my priority and for me that meant my partner needed to leave. Every day is hard but not as hard as I thought it would be because life is less stressful not walking on egg shells.
💐

@2bazookas - that makes sense actually.

@HoneyBee03 - thank you that helped. I will speak to her. He's not normally like that. Last night he ended up going for a walk around the block to calm down. He apologised when he got back - said he didn't know what had come over him, acknowledged his behaviour was awful. I asked him to leave me alone as I didn't want to talk - all I could do was cry. I haven't spoken to him today yet - he slept for a long time this morning and then I was busy. I will talk to him when my DC are in bed later.

@Itmaybeus - thank you for your perspective and I wish you well.

@Itmaybeus that's good advice.

How long have you been with dp?

I think I would be able to think clearer if there was more support for my mental health. It is so hard right now.

@incognitomum - 3 years

Please get rid. It will get worse. Get legal advice.

Is it his house OP?

No one should react so violently to a sitation like this.

It's an un-natural response, his nephew self harmed and he lashes out, why?
People usually go into empathy mode and that doesn't include attacking their partner.

This worries me, he sounds unstable, eratic and completely unpredictable, with the probablity of becoming very dangerous.

Start thinking about other options, you have children and protection mode should be kicking in for both you and them.

How old are your children? What did you tell them about what happened?

@PiperPiper20 - it is my house.
@onthedunes - I do want to protect my DC I'm just a bit confused about the right way to go about it. I've had a thought about contacting my brother but he lives a long way away. I could go there for a while, perhaps but would need to leave my DC with their dad which I'm not sure is possible right now.