Why does he point score?!

[Jane334]

Hi everyone,
I am really frustrated with my partner! I am trying to make our home nice but he seems to hate the decor I choose. For example i showed him a cool print for our downstairs loo today and he tilts his head and says in a really patronising voice (eyes squinted) “do you really like this? Really? It looks like something you see in one of those chavvy places” I said to him “why can’t you just say you don’t like it? If you suggest something and I don’t like it, I I just say “I don’t like it””
He just doesn’t think/care how he speaks to me and if he hurts my feelings. My priority is him and I would never want to make him feel stupid or belittle him but he seems to enjoy it. He treats our relationship like a competition and I hate it! Why would he do that? He’s always trying to get one up on me or critique how I do the washing or telling me if he has done something better than I do it. I have had previous relationships and my partner has never cared what decor I choose or if he head never made me feel stupid about my taste. The ironic thing is he sent me a link for really chavvy Christmas lights the other day and I just said “not for me but if you like them get them” I would never want to make him feel stupid.
I am such a patient person but constant comments wear me down. Plus it has taken the joy out of decorating my home as he has to comment on all but everything I chose. I love Scandinavian style and people have always complimented me on how I do my house but he just seems to want to put me down, I don’t know if it makes him feel better about himself?
I just want us to be on the same team as that’s how I view things but he seems to want to always pit us against one another. And when his daughter stays it’s even worse, he seems to like adding her to his team against me.
Sorry long post, does anyone have any thoughts?
I love my partner and I would not want to leave the relationship, we have amazing moments but at times he really really gets me down xx

It sounds like he is contemptuous towards you which is a really bad sign. Does he perhaps think he's joking? Is it said in a jokey way? If you want anything to change then you need to address it with him

The happiest relationships are genuine team efforts where each partner appreciates, applauds and supports the other. These are based on good communication. Have you communicated to him how you feel? What is his response?

I’m not sure what anyone can say to help you op. He treats you rudely and you want to be with him. There is little to be done.

It really, really doesn't matter why he does it.
He does it. That's enough.

He pits himself and his daughter against you rather than drawing together as a team. That's not how I'd want my relationship to be.

Have you told him how he is making you feel?

It’s not about why he does it. It’s why you let him treat you badly and rhem declare but I love him. It’s about you not him. You need to understand why you’re willing to stay with someone who doesn’t treat you well.

He says I take things too serious but it doesn’t sound like joking and I know he means it. I respect his taste, even when I think he picks garish things but don’t want to hurt him.
Problem is, every time I raise something with him, it blows up massively and he threatens to end things.

What are the amazing moments you have with him?

Well let him end them! Take a step back, read your own thread, think about your own life. What the hell are you doing wasting good years on a man who gets his kicks from putting your down. Get some respect for your own tastes and feelings, lay down the law and if he won't accept leave. It is the only solution.

Sad thing is if I was reading this as you are, I would tell myself to leave. I am 36 and desperate for this to work, I want a family and I am running out of time for this.
He can be wonderful and really loving at times... it’s like he has two sides.
I’ve spoken to him about not being able to raise things... he just is unable to see anyone’s point of view but his own, he has little empathy unless it’s for strangers and his daughter xx

Gosh. I think it sounds as if you could do a lot better than this miserable, critical, contemptuous individual. What is lovable about him?

So let him end things. Or do it yourself. Call his bluff.

You're too nice for your own good. No-one else has your best interests at heart, so you have to look after them yourself. Toughen up.

But he just seems to want to put me down, I don’t know if it makes him feel better about himself? Exactly. He's negative or insecure about himself and tries to boost himself by putting other people down. Or he's just plain nasty and gets off on it. Neither motivation is acceptable or easily curable.

Being right is really important to him too... I dont understand why?

36 isn't that old. Lots of women have babies later than that. Don't put up with this man, he will only make you unhappy.

You want to have a baby with someone who not only cannot see things from your point of view but refuses to try, or to to discuss anything? Are you mad?

You're setting yourself up for a life of pain, subservience, drudgery and misery.

I am 36 and desperate for this to work, I want a family and I am running out of time for this.

Honestly, dump him and get a sperm donor. Cos having a baby with him will still end up with you being alone in the long run. He's a horrible immature man child and you will leave him eventually.

The most important thing here is what you want in life and how you can best go about achieving that.

The other important thing, is that it doesn't matter why he does it. You can't fix him.

@AlexisIsMySpiritAnimal

I am 36 and desperate for this to work, I want a family and I am running out of time for this.

Honestly, dump him and get a sperm donor. Cos having a baby with him will still end up with you being alone in the long run. He's a horrible immature man child and you will leave him eventually.

This is spot on.

Why are you with him? If he takes all the joy out of little things like a new cushion or a new colour paint. He sounds totally depressing. Is he lovely to you when he's doing what he wants?

How can you think of wasting your life with such a negative selfish person. Being single is much more joyful than that. Being a single mum is much more joyful.

Being right is really important to him too... I dont understand why

Too many women spend far too long in a relationship that's going nowhere because of this question.
In the end it doesn't matter a whit why he does *it. You cant change him. You are wasting your time, and then one day might have a child with him who he will pit against you from the day its born.

*it can be anything at all from why he needs to be right to why he leaves his cup on the counter and not in the dishwasher or why he will, play games all night and be grumpy on a morning. Whatever "it" is if you dont like the actions and he doesn't alter his ways to accommodate that then he is no good for you.

You respect his taste when you dislike it and you accept him treating you like shit and ganging up with his daughter against you.
Were you bullied as a child or something that you accept this in a relationship?

No offence to anybody reading but is he an only child?

Problem is, every time I raise something with him, it blows up massively and he threatens to end things..

How old is he , 12 ?. I'd think hard about taking him up on his kind offer.

Get lost with the only child nonsense. You could just as well argue that OP must be an only child, given she hasn't learnt to identify her own interests, or assert herself.

Who cares why he's like this? Does OP owe him her life if we can identify a reason?

Look outwards and forwards, not inwards and backwards, OP.

He sounds horrible and contemptuous of you. Do NOT have a child with this man, can you imagine the damage that he could inflict with his unpleasant ways? Leave him now and you can either go it alone to become a mother or find a much more worthwhile man to be your partner.