Boyfriend called me boring, right to be upset and hurt?

[katiie3]

So I met someone during the first lockdown in March. Our dates consisted of walks and movie nights. Due to restrictions we couldn’t go out and have “dates”

When restrictions eased we started going out for food and a few cinema dates.

However, then restrictions came back in place and we stopped going out.

We have known each other 5/6 months and spend 1 or 2 nights on a weekend ( he comes to mine as I have pets)

We were deciding what to watch for our evening film, and he seemed frustrated as he had seen most films. I commented saying it is hard to find a film to watch together as he has seen everything and he blurted out, “I’ve got a life and friends, I go out and party and have fun, unlike you, I’m not boring”

I was quite hurt, and upset. I still am. He has since apologised and said he didn’t mean it.

But he must think I am to say it?

@Techway early 30s

He was projecting because he's insecure and passive aggressive. Seems he's so insecure he assumed you were implying he's boring when you mentioned how many films he has seen, he projected that fear right back at you in a very mean spirited way. This should be a huge red flag so early in a relationship, it will be the first of similar outbursts to come I feel. You can do better!

Early 30’s, you’re kidding me. I assumed he was at least a decade younger given his attitude.

Get rid, OP, he sounds like a proper man child.

You’re his lockdown shag until something ‘better’ comes along. You’ve had a lucky escape there, he’s clearly a prick and you’re not

He didn’t even want to break up when I suggested it after his behaviour.

Don't give him a choice. Be strong, look after yourself, he's not got your best interests at heart.

early 30s

Like others I thought you would say a decade earlier. You are too good for him and don't deserve this treatment. He has let the mask slip. When someone insults you unprovoked it is natural to blame yourself as it must be true or why would they say it?? It is because they are insecure and bitter and it only ever gets worse. Had he apologised sincerely he may have redeemed himself but he compounded it.

Don't take his insult to heart. He lashed out because he felt bad for watching lots of films and realised you know. I suspect the truth is that he has very few friends so you hit a nerve.

Don't suggest, OP. Do.

@Techway

How old are you both?

he made the comment in retaliation

This is the concern, you made an innocent comment and he responded with nastiness, aimed at hurting you. This is indicative of an insecure but vindictive person.

He has shown you who he is so sit up and listen.

This.

He has really shown you who he is.

He's using you OP.

I'm so sorry.
You sound lovely.

Take back control by dumping him.

He doesn't deserve you.

He sounds very nasty.

Oh god, both of you are early 30s?

DEFO don’t waste more time with him!

You say you’re non confrontational and the ‘silently walking away’ type - that’ll work v well here!

I'd find it impossible to be intimate with someone after they said something like that to me.

It sounds, as though he's preparing the ground to dump you.

The “He doesn’t see how I will fit in with his life/friend” stung hard.
I would understand if someone thought that and decided to break up with you. But he was happily leading me on and seeing me.
He wants the best of both worlds op. He’s using you for a shag during lockdown and because he’s bored not able to go out with mates. He’s made it very clear given a “normal” situation you don’t fit in his life. Why would you waste any more time with someone who doesn’t want you around. These early stages are normally the fun and exciting “I want to show you off” stages when you’re in love. He wants to hide you away and pretend you don’t exist. Is that really what you want?

I'm I the only one who thinks he might actually have been trying to convince op that he's fun rather than being fun.
If he's seen loads of movies, he's likely staying in to watch them mostly, or maybe he gets out to the cinema occasionally - hardly raucous behaviour, and not a very social activity.
I wouldn't necessarily pay too much heed, it doesn't, sounds like it was his best firm of defence as he was noticing how many films he'd seen as you had and became aware how that looks - ie. He's the boring one, but was afraid of you realising that