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Original poster

Boyfriend called me boring, right to be upset and hurt?

87 replies

katiie3 · 09/11/2020 11:23

So I met someone during the first lockdown in March. Our dates consisted of walks and movie nights. Due to restrictions we couldn’t go out and have “dates”

When restrictions eased we started going out for food and a few cinema dates.

However, then restrictions came back in place and we stopped going out.

We have known each other 5/6 months and spend 1 or 2 nights on a weekend ( he comes to mine as I have pets)

We were deciding what to watch for our evening film, and he seemed frustrated as he had seen most films. I commented saying it is hard to find a film to watch together as he has seen everything and he blurted out, “I’ve got a life and friends, I go out and party and have fun, unlike you, I’m not boring”

I was quite hurt, and upset. I still am. He has since apologised and said he didn’t mean it.

But he must think I am to say it?

OP posts:
honeylulu · 09/11/2020 11:57

That's really nasty and I'm not sure you can come back from your relatively new boyfriend calling you "boring". It's early days - he should be crazy about you!

I'm also uneasy about his remark that he doesn't know how/if you'll fit in with his friends. He has tried to take it back but it reveals perhaps that he considers you someone to stay in with (convenient during lockdown eh?) rather than show off.

Anyway his comment doesn't make sense. If he's (usually) out partying all the time , how come he's been able to goggle at so many films? Secondly, he's hardly been able to go out and party since before March (does he consider himself boring now?) I expect you went out and did other stuff pre covid too!

TLDR: he sounds immature, insecure and with a spiteful streak. Give him a swerve!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 09/11/2020 12:01

Very rude! I don't think I could forget that. And why haven't you met his friends? Lockdown lifted in July and we were able to go out for a while before tiers/second lockdown?

Original poster
katiie3 · 09/11/2020 12:15

We refrained from meeting in groups so I never met his friends and vice versa.

I have always thought that went you are with someone, that person becomes a part of your life rather than if they do or don’t fit in with your friends. And I’ve never met them to date so it’s quite an assumption to have. Maybe he is embarrassed by me.

OP posts:
WildfirePonie · 09/11/2020 12:19

He is rude. Dump & block.

electronVolt · 09/11/2020 12:20

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Should the title be 'ex-Boyfriend...' ?
Came here to say just that
bibs124 · 09/11/2020 12:21

What does he expect you to be out doing in a global pandemic? Hmm

I'm sure we've all been pretty boring this year!

Silentplikebath · 09/11/2020 12:30

@katiie3 he said he doesn’t think you will get on with his friends or fit his lifestyle. Tell him you’ve thought about what he said and, while he could have been kinder about it, you agree that you are not well suited as a couple. You can do a lot better than him!

FortunesFavour · 09/11/2020 12:34

That is really out of order and rude. He’s showing you his true dickish colours...he’s done you a favour really, now you can dump his sorry ass and not waste any more time on him.
Sorry it’s happened to you my lovely, it’s not you it’s him. Onwards and upwards X

SandyY2K · 09/11/2020 12:42

Well calling you boring and saying he doesn't know where you'll fit in with his life/friends would be my signal to end it.

Guiltypleasures001 · 09/11/2020 12:43

Do they all take drugs op?

Sound like he's passing the time with you until this is over

Throw him back in the gene pool
He's using you lovely

ravenmum · 09/11/2020 12:48

He has no idea what you normally do when it's not a lockdown, surely, so how would he even know if you were "boring"?
Not to mention that there's nothing especially "interesting" or "exciting" about going down the pub with your mates. You can be an interesting person with other hobbies and a small circle of friends. His accusations shouldn't be making you feel bad, as they make no sense even out of lockdown.
You want someone who thinks your way of life, whatever it is, is fine, katiie. Someone who wants to be with you because they enjoy your company. And that goes both ways - you should enjoy his company. This doesn't sound massively enjoyable?

gingerbreadfox · 09/11/2020 12:54

What a loser! I'd ditch him and find someone more on your level. Both me and DH love nothing more than staying home, watching films, cosy nights in. I couldn't think of anything worse than being with someone who 'has a life' I'd rather have somebody who likes to be chilled like me.

Yeahnahmum · 09/11/2020 13:07

Of course he meant it op.😣

(You did say all you do is watch films.. so wouldnt be my cup of tea either. But hey what does this bloke expect during this pandemic?? )

So the question is: why wanna stay with this man who calls you boring 5 months into dating??

iluvgab · 09/11/2020 13:08

Oh lord.. no.. just dump.
This will be a constant theme running through your relationship. He'll be wanting to be out partying with his friends all the time and then he'll be constantly saying you're boring, especially if you dare to suggest spending an evening or two together instead of him going out with friends.
You're not compatible.

CaptainMyCaptain · 09/11/2020 13:10

Not to mention that there's nothing especially "interesting" or "exciting" about going down the pub with your mates
Now that is boring imo.

BuffaloMozzerella · 09/11/2020 13:12

It's a mean thing to say. It doesn't really matter if he meant it or not - even if he didn't it shows a lack of care for your feelings/a willingness to put you down. Not good qualities.

Same goes for the 'i don't know how you'll fit in with my friends' comment. How are you supposed to respond to or change that? It's a mean and unnecessary thing to say.

Sounds like he likes having you around while Covid is happening but can't see a longer term relationship with you.

I'd get rid now and and save yourself the comments and potential future heartache.

napody · 09/11/2020 13:52

@honeylulu

That's really nasty and I'm not sure you can come back from your relatively new boyfriend calling you "boring". It's early days - he should be crazy about you!

I'm also uneasy about his remark that he doesn't know how/if you'll fit in with his friends. He has tried to take it back but it reveals perhaps that he considers you someone to stay in with (convenient during lockdown eh?) rather than show off.

Anyway his comment doesn't make sense. If he's (usually) out partying all the time , how come he's been able to goggle at so many films? Secondly, he's hardly been able to go out and party since before March (does he consider himself boring now?) I expect you went out and did other stuff pre covid too!

TLDR: he sounds immature, insecure and with a spiteful streak. Give him a swerve!

This exactly. It's not just the insulting you but the bigging himself up at your expense...ugh. Very telling comment and very unlikely it would stop there.
JurassicParkAha · 09/11/2020 13:56

He definitely thinks it, as it's an odd thing to bring up during an argument over what to watch. That, combined with him saying he isn't sure you'll fit in with his friends, means it's an incompatibility he has previously considered.

Nothing wrong with being incompatible, and maybe you are, but it was a mean/hurtful way of saying it. Also, not sure how he has reached that conclusion given it's a pandemic and everyone is boring, and staying indoors.

I would have an honest chat with him, where you don't bring up his comments and turn it into a fight (he'll get defensive), but ask him what he thinks about your compatibility, and if he thinks this relationship can progress. 5-6 months time is enough to have some idea of these things. Then you should have a think about whether YOU want to be with him - given he isn't as enamoured by you as he should be - 6 months in, he should be wanting to shout about you from the rooftops. He seems luke warm at best. Keep seeing him if you want the company, but start dating around again too. Don't invest everything into this man.

MrsTwitcher · 09/11/2020 14:00

why would he be embarrassed by you? all these friends he bangs on about, are they even real? maybe that's why you have never met them because they don't actually exist. He doesn't sound a very nice or kind person, I would just end it with him, does he have any good qualities?

Original poster
katiie3 · 09/11/2020 14:02

His comment saying, he doesn’t know how I will fit in with friends, was quite off throwing.

Quite hurtful after 5/6 months of dating. He’s quite happy to carry on seeing me which is really strange. Seems like I’m the right fit for “lockdown”

OP posts:
ChickSmile · 09/11/2020 14:10

Sex? Boredom (ironic)? Loneliness?

I think you need to find someone who is actually into you and shows it. Does he? He just sounds rather petulant and full of himself.

Regardless I think it’s an unforgivably rude and hurtful thing to say.

SoulofanAggron · 09/11/2020 14:13

It's verbal abuse really. Also often with men what they're actually trying to manipulate you into doing the sexual stuff you don't want. He doesn't sound very nice, I would bin him. He could just as easily suggest programmes as you did, but it sounds like he didn't and just expected you to entertain him.

SoulofanAggron · 09/11/2020 14:14

*what they're actually trying to do if they call you boring is to manipulate you

Aparttogether · 09/11/2020 14:15

I wouldn’t want to see him after that.

feelingsomewhatlost · 09/11/2020 14:18

It sounds to me like as soon as we're out of lockdown and 'back to normal' you'll be relegated to someone he sees occasionally or worse, dumped. It was unkind of him to call you 'boring' and untrue too – we all have our different ways of staying entertained. You deserve better, I'd sack him off before you get even more invested, he sounds like he's just using you as a stop-gap for now.