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Original poster

Boyfriend called me boring, right to be upset and hurt?

87 replies

katiie3 · 09/11/2020 11:23

So I met someone during the first lockdown in March. Our dates consisted of walks and movie nights. Due to restrictions we couldn’t go out and have “dates”

When restrictions eased we started going out for food and a few cinema dates.

However, then restrictions came back in place and we stopped going out.

We have known each other 5/6 months and spend 1 or 2 nights on a weekend ( he comes to mine as I have pets)

We were deciding what to watch for our evening film, and he seemed frustrated as he had seen most films. I commented saying it is hard to find a film to watch together as he has seen everything and he blurted out, “I’ve got a life and friends, I go out and party and have fun, unlike you, I’m not boring”

I was quite hurt, and upset. I still am. He has since apologised and said he didn’t mean it.

But he must think I am to say it?

OP posts:
Spied · 09/11/2020 14:19

Sounds like you'll do for now while partying is off the cards but be under no illusion he wants you as part of his future.

TheDetectiveBadge · 09/11/2020 14:23

I definitely think you're a lockdown fling and not a potential girlfriend in his eyes. I'd definitely consider ending it before you get any more attached. Plus it's obvious what will happen when restrictions ease - he will be out every weekend with his mates and you'll become his fall back option if his plans fall through. Don't put yourself through that.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 09/11/2020 14:24

@Dozer

Sounds like he wants you for sex and company, just for now.

Wouldn’t waste your time with him.

This^^. He clearly doesn’t think you’re compatible to n the long term and told you in an extremely rude way.

The only “good” thing about his nasty outburst is that now you know exactly where you stand. You can either use him as a temporary sex toy ( as he’s using you) or dump him right away and find someone who truly appreciates you.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 09/11/2020 14:25

If you dump him, it would nasty ( but entirely justified IMO) to point out some of his flaws to him as you do it. I’d be strongly tempted.😈

OwlOne · 09/11/2020 14:30

I find a lot of men have this ''disappointment'' in them that you're not more than one person. That you're not a conveyor belt of novelty for them. Even in normal social or work situations. Some men just feel you lot should be more to me than I am to you. ifykwim. A man I work with walked in to the tea room the other day (there is only about a fifth of us in the office now), and he sighed and said ''oh the saaaaaaaayme old faces'' and I said ''we feel the same about you michael'' and he looked really shocked, like I'd been rude! It just struck me, his total lack of awareness that we might also be bored of him.

Original poster
katiie3 · 09/11/2020 14:32

Ye, this outburst led him to tell me that he doesn’t see how I would fit into his life/with his friends.

He never mentioned anything of this sort before and quite happily was talking about a future together.

It’s very hurtful.

OP posts:
BabyStone · 09/11/2020 14:33

I think the mask is slipping and he's showing his true colours. Get rid asap before you're stuck with him over Christmas/New year.

Hesnotlocal · 09/11/2020 14:38

So sorry OP but it sounds like you are a temporary distraction for him until things get back to normal and he can be out doing whatever he usually does. I'm afraid all the backtracking sounds like he gave you a glimpse of what he really thinks but wants to keep you hanging on for his amusement whilst we are locked down.

(FWIW, I doubt you are boring. I had an ex who said similar things to me and he was definitely the boring one!)

user1471565182 · 09/11/2020 14:43

He uses 'party' as a verb. All you need to know about this one.

Muchadoaboutlife · 09/11/2020 14:47

How old is he?

It sounds like you’re being used as his “lockdown girlfriend” as soon as his life starts up again he’ll dump you. He has no intention of introducing you. He’s arrogant and odd. Don’t put up with it. Block him. Don’t get upset. Don’t give him the satisfaction. Your company is worth more than this nonsense.

Original poster
katiie3 · 09/11/2020 14:47

True. I literally do not feel the same about him anymore. My feelings have changed. It’s a very disappointing feeling. I do feel like he did lead me on and take advantage of me during lockdown.

He actually said he doesn’t know where I fit into with his life/friends and then apologised and tried to hug me and get himself out of it.

I’m not the type of person to shout or scream. I’m the silent walk away type and he’s literally broken my heart by his actions and comments towards me.

OP posts:
MonicaBelulaGellar · 09/11/2020 14:50

Yeah he defo meant it, why on earth would he say something if he hadn't been thinking it. It's the first thing you say when you snap/argue. What a prick. Hope your okay.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 09/11/2020 14:52

You don’t need to shout and scream, just tell him he’s dumped and blank him from then on.

There’s another recent thread about someone feeling so much better 30 days after a breakup, because they’ve gone completely no contact. I’d suggest doing the same-dump him, no additional contact, no SM.For your own sake.💐

JoeCalFuckingZaghe · 09/11/2020 15:14

Urg op get rid of this idiot.

He tried justifying himself by saying he said it because he felt like I was making fun of him by saying all he does is watch films. So he made the comment in retaliation.
So his go to method of coping with embarrassment is to lash out and hurt someone else’s? Manipulative.

he also said, he doesn’t know where I will fit into his life with his friends.
He’s using you.

Don’t spend any more emotional energy and time dealing with this man.

ChickSmile · 09/11/2020 15:53

Interesting reflection owl Hmm. It makes me think how much women do to please men, often for so little in return let’s be honest Grin. I think I have pretty much given up the ghost on this one. Maybe polygamy is the answer - one decent man shared 🤔 and bin all the drones. I guess that’s an awful thing to say.

OP, you’re entitled to feel hurt after 6 months. Give your feelings lots of time and space. It may be hard and uncomfortable for a while. But I bet you will be over it by the NY. His loss. Onward and upwards.

ChickSmile · 09/11/2020 16:07

I also think he’s “negging” you to get rid of him. Job done. Twat.

ChickSmile · 09/11/2020 16:09

Actually I’ve looked up negging - it’s more a veiled insult. Whereas this was upfront! Anyway he wants you to tell him to F.O. cos he’s a twatty coward. I wouldn’t give him the benefit. Just ghost him.

ChickSmile · 09/11/2020 16:10

I mean upfront insult, not veiled. Sorry in a hurry should read posts through more.

CityCommuter · 09/11/2020 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
katiie3 · 09/11/2020 16:38

@Seychelles98 ye, I think he thought I was implying he didn’t have friends. So he was giving me a whole spew on his friends and threw in that I’m boring.

The “He doesn’t see how I will fit in with his life/friend” stung hard.

I would understand if someone thought that and decided to break up with you. But he was happily leading me on and seeing me.

He didn’t even want to break up when I suggested it after his behaviour.

OP posts:
Fudgsicles · 09/11/2020 16:40

So he doesn't see how you fit into his life or with his friends and he thinks you're boring. What a twat! He isn't worth it OP.

My DP has seen a lot of films that I haven't. He thinks about the ones he thinks I would enjoy it and we then watch it together. That's what any decent partner would do. And he's pretty much been spot on too!

Fudgsicles · 09/11/2020 16:42

"He didn’t even want to break up when I suggested it after his behaviour."

Sorry OP, but that's because he can't actually spend his time with his awesome friends so he'll be lonely plus he gets to have sex. Of course he doesn't want to break up now as, unfortunately, you're convenient for him at the moment. Don't let him get any say in it and tell him he's dumped.

Houseplantmad · 09/11/2020 16:48

I think you're a convenience to him. Make yourself an inconvenience by dumping him fast.

Eviebeans · 09/11/2020 17:03

Dump him now so you can come out of lockdown free to do what you want when you want it.

Techway · 09/11/2020 17:10

How old are you both?

he made the comment in retaliation

This is the concern, you made an innocent comment and he responded with nastiness, aimed at hurting you. This is indicative of an insecure but vindictive person.

He has shown you who he is so sit up and listen.