Why is my cheating boyfriend stringing me along?

[RedVixen]

I found out my boyfriend of 4 years has been cheating on me for a few months with his work colleague. I confronted him after finding sexual messages/videos between them and he said he was sorry, and he can't believe he'd ever hurt someone he loves. However, he says he likes this other girl, and she obviously really likes him. I said he should go and be with her then, but he says he doesn't know what he wants. We haven't officially ended the relationship but he keeps saying he needs space from both of us to figure out how he feels. Why won't he just end it with me and then go off with the other girl? Why string me along?

Well done OP!!
You might feel like shit now but I promise you will thank yourself later and I bet you that one day he will be begging for you back and it will feel so good

Good for you

Time to move on with your glorious life xxx

Well done. Hopefully she'll dump him as well.

You have done the best thing- well done and thank you for coming back and letting everyone who contributed know.

From my experience, he will possibly now devote every waking moment to trying to 'win you back'. He may or may not be attached to other woman while he does this. If you relent at all and snog/shag him, it is entirely possible he will then inform you regretfully that other woman would be very sad if he dumped her and therefore that it would be best if you just 'remain friends'.

I learnt a BIG fucking lesson about 'Fool me once, shame on you' that day, I can bloody tell you do not accept him back under any circumstances at all, OP. Seriously. I know it hurts (I was engaged to my specimen) but really, really, don't.

I don't want to be rude but I think a better question is why are you letting him string you along? I think you need to decide what you want. If you still want to be with him tell him and back off while he decides.
Personally, once a cheater always a cheater. I'd not be able to trust him again and would end the relationship.

Stay strong!

Don't go back. You'll never be able to trust him again and will kick yourself when it happens.

Take control and YOU END IT NOW.

Not him but YOU. Grow a backbone and have some respect.

AHH just read you dumped him. Well done you x

Missed your update. Good for you. Do NOT contact him or engage with him at all.

You really really done the right thing . Yes it hurts ,but far less than him destroying your self esteem by stringing you along .
WELL DONE YOU !!!! X

Don't spend time wondering about this. My first husband had an affair within 2 years of us being married , told me he loved the other woman and was never coming back but didn't want me to initiate divorce proceedings. We had a number of times where he was so upset about what he was 'doing to me' that I ended up comforting him

I did all of the 'pick me,' dance with him and I still regret that now. I was young and confused and very very hurt but from the perspective of age ( 30 years later) I realise he just didn't want to be a ' bad guy' in the eyes of others.

Just move on if you can . He has not treated you well and you deserve better , you really do

Nice one, OP. It will hurt right now but you will move on ... and be very did!

He got off knowing he had a choice of women who wanted him . He didn’t love you, he didn’t love her, only himself.
Well done you for recognising your worth .

So glad you've dumped him! Now to stay strong: it's ok to grieve, both the current situation and the loss of an imagined future. Call your friends, get some nice food in and prepare to feel horrible for a while but it's 100% the right decision and you should be proud of yourself for having had the strength of mind to make it x

be very glad

Well done now block ignore on everything, treat yourself if you can and plan a very special Christmas for and family if you want or friends, you’ll never have the worry of is he cheating again, going round in your head.

Well done, OP.

Now plan some treats for yourself (to the extent possible in lockdown). Bracing walks. Zoom parties with good friends. That box set you’ve always wanted to watch. Take up a new hobby. Get busy and interested in other things. There will still be grieving and painful times but this is a brilliant opportunity to just please yourself for a while.

Well said @Dery.

@RedVixen
Stay strong 💪

Thanks, @MackenCheese!