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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why is my cheating boyfriend stringing me along?

96 replies

RedVixen · 06/11/2020 18:54

I found out my boyfriend of 4 years has been cheating on me for a few months with his work colleague. I confronted him after finding sexual messages/videos between them and he said he was sorry, and he can't believe he'd ever hurt someone he loves. However, he says he likes this other girl, and she obviously really likes him. I said he should go and be with her then, but he says he doesn't know what he wants. We haven't officially ended the relationship but he keeps saying he needs space from both of us to figure out how he feels. Why won't he just end it with me and then go off with the other girl? Why string me along?

OP posts:
Dragongirl10 · 06/11/2020 20:25

Because he can...you are letting him string you along, take charge.

CovidAnni · 06/11/2020 20:28

“ ...why don't we just end it he says he needs time to think”
Angry have some self respect woman.

Woui · 06/11/2020 20:35

You should feel more embarrassed if you stayed with him.. than if he left you for her.

Original poster
RedVixen · 06/11/2020 20:48

Well it's done. I told him that it's over and I'm not being an option anymore. I said i hope that he comes to regret his decision one day.

OP posts:
Lovelynaughtycat · 06/11/2020 20:48

Why on earth are you giving him all the power!??
He likes this other girl and she like him!!
Don't kid yourself it's over with her and even if it is, he will do it again with someone else sooner or later.
You're prolonging the agony.
Do the right thing and fuck him off.

Original poster
RedVixen · 06/11/2020 20:49

Thank you everyone for getting me to snap out of my pity party and grow a backbone

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 06/11/2020 20:51

Well done @RedVixen.
Now block him on everything.

Lovelynaughtycat · 06/11/2020 20:51

Well done.
It's utterly horrible but you really have done the right thing.
All the very best 🍷💐☘

AnyFucker · 06/11/2020 20:52

Thank fuck for that

nancybotwinbloom · 06/11/2020 20:56

Good.

Now block. Delete.

Get on a dating app (just for a bit of fun) you don't need to go on dates or lead people on but you will get matches and it will boost your confidence!

Have a FaceTime with a friend, have a wine and have a swipe together.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/11/2020 20:58

Be smart and completely block him. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Whatabambam · 06/11/2020 21:07

Good for you OP. I truly hope that you will stick with this decision and that you have reached the conclusion yourself for all the reasons everyone else has given you. I honestly believe that you have made the right decision. He's a weasel and the other woman will leave him as she found him. He's always going to cheat. Be strong and have confidence in yourself and your future

staruponawish · 06/11/2020 21:10

@RedVixen

Thank you everyone for getting me to snap out of my pity party and grow a backbone
Yaas! It's hard, really hard but you're doing the right thing! Well done!
Anordinarymum · 06/11/2020 21:11

@RedVixen

Thank you everyone for getting me to snap out of my pity party and grow a backbone
It's hard when you love someone. You made the right decision. Don't look back now.
Homebird8 · 06/11/2020 21:13

Well done RedVixen. You aren’t a T-shirt to be chosen for a day and discarded for a fresh one. Wash rinse repeat.

Spinningdot · 06/11/2020 21:23

Why won't he just end it with me#
why won't you just end it with him?

Spinningdot · 06/11/2020 21:25

Sorry! in my eagerness to throw in my two cents worth I missed your update - well done! hold your head high Grin

mathanxiety · 06/11/2020 21:27

Why are you letting him string you along?

Text him to say your relationship is now over and that attempts by him to contact you by any means are not welcome and will be seen as harassment.

If you have any belongings of his at your home, pack them in bags, put them outside, tell him they will be binned if he doesn't pick them up by X date. Remind him he is not to contact you.

Then block him.

BlueThistles · 06/11/2020 21:29

The OW will be pregnant before Christmas.. mark my words ..

OP you did the right thing Flowers

mathanxiety · 06/11/2020 21:31

The embarrassment of him choosing her???

He has already humiliated you.

Don't give him a second chance to wipe his arse with you. Dump him.

jelly79 · 06/11/2020 21:32

I've been here and I promise you the best thing you can do is take control and tell him to f*ck off immediately!

He doesn't get to decide if he wants you because you are not an option. You won't be able to trust him, you will wind up feeling anxious, not good enough and worried about him ending it. The short term pain of the break up is a lot less pain than all that!

You are better than him darlin! Let him know it 😘

onemorerose · 06/11/2020 22:12

Well done on getting rid of him, you’ve done well. If you falter read this thread again or make a new one. So far you’ve got this, keep it up girl!!

TheStoic · 07/11/2020 04:10

Good for you, OP. That will have shocked him. You’ve gone off-script.

Hope the OW wants him, because she’s now got him. Lucky thing.

notsodimwit · 07/11/2020 04:10

Well done Op Flowers you are to good to be second best!

Monty27 · 07/11/2020 04:19

OP a person can only string you along if you let them.
Well done and keep strong 💪