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Original poster

Why is my cheating boyfriend stringing me along?

96 replies

RedVixen · 06/11/2020 18:54

I found out my boyfriend of 4 years has been cheating on me for a few months with his work colleague. I confronted him after finding sexual messages/videos between them and he said he was sorry, and he can't believe he'd ever hurt someone he loves. However, he says he likes this other girl, and she obviously really likes him. I said he should go and be with her then, but he says he doesn't know what he wants. We haven't officially ended the relationship but he keeps saying he needs space from both of us to figure out how he feels. Why won't he just end it with me and then go off with the other girl? Why string me along?

OP posts:
workhomesleeprepeat · 06/11/2020 19:50

OP he is giving her first turn down as it were. If she says no then it’s back to the consolation prize.

Don’t be the consolation prize.

Woui · 06/11/2020 19:53

He is stringing you along because you are letting him.

Fuck what he wants.. do you really want someone who has stuck his dick in someone's else ? Yuk.

Get an sti test ASAP.

Original poster
RedVixen · 06/11/2020 19:54

The other girl knew that we were together. Sounds like she recently split up from her baby daddy and then decide to find someone else. And he decided to start messaging "because lockdown made him lonely" as we don't live together and couldn't form a support bubble. He's tried to say he felt down and lonely because I wouldn't break lockdown restrictions to go and see him. And now he's saying he can't believe he'd do this to me and he's disgusted in himself.

He's still messaging me having normal conversations and when I question him about the cheating and where we are now he says he doesn't know how he feels. When I say to him why are we going around in circles, why don't we just end it he says he needs time to think. So frustrating because I know I deserve better, but this is a guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

I want to be strong and end it, show him what he's lost before I suffer the embarrassment of him saying he's going to be with her. But I still love him and what if there's a chance he comes to his senses and says he's made a huge mistake? How do I let go of the future I thought we were going to have?

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 06/11/2020 19:59

@RedVixen,
This is more likely.
He always liked her. She becomes single, he makes a move.
Don't blame her.

My guess that his needing space is wanting space to be with her.

You are plan B.

MikeUniformMike · 06/11/2020 20:00

Bin him. Block him on SM, e-mail and phone.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/11/2020 20:00

Stop being such a mug. FFS.

"We" don't have to end it. YOU do. There is no future to be had with a cheater.

BrummyMum1 · 06/11/2020 20:00

Don’t waste any more texts, time, or brain cells on that utter shite. Block him, ghost him, bin him.

DrizzleandDamp · 06/11/2020 20:00

You’re doing the “pick me pick me” dance.

Stop dancing you can do better.

Giraffey1 · 06/11/2020 20:02

My view? He isn’t worth it. He is full of excuses and wants to keep you both available, a plan A and a plan B. This is about him and his selfish approach. You don’t want to be settling for this, you are young and have your life ahead of you. He will only hurt you again if you allow him back in.

Ofgareth · 06/11/2020 20:03

I wish I’d run a mile when this happened to me. I married him and had children and he did it again.

MrsTwitcher · 06/11/2020 20:04

Why would it be embarrassing if he chooses the other girl. He is really not worth all this game playing angst. She might tell him to sling his hook anyway then he will be on his own. Stop being a mug. I really wouldn't bother discussing this shite with him anymore. You are not married, no kids, dont live together. Just walk away.

Bunnymumy · 06/11/2020 20:05

You gotta love yourself first.

You always have to do right by you. If you cant trust you to do it, who can you? Not him, clearly.
Be your own best mate here, tell him to jog on.

Love is worth nothing without trust and respect. You have neither with him.

So respect yourself. Love yourself. Do right by you. Let him go. The at least no matter what happens you can respect yourself.

MikeUniformMike · 06/11/2020 20:07

But I still love him
You love the person you think he was. He is not that person.

and what if there's a chance he comes to his senses and says he's made a huge mistake?
Tough shit.

How do I let go of the future I thought we were going to have?
Probably by being very upset. You'll eventually see that he was a lying cheat.

Holothane · 06/11/2020 20:08

Get rid before Christmas that way you can have a better Christmas without him hugs.

AnyFucker · 06/11/2020 20:08

I am cringing for you Sad

SunniCameHomeWithAVengeance · 06/11/2020 20:10

Yes he might very well pick you. And you will live with the paranoia and knowledge that he has absolutely no problem lying to you. And then he'll start shagging someone else and lying to you but you'll be so tied up in knots trying to figure out if you're imagining it.
What a dream relationship.

MikeUniformMike · 06/11/2020 20:11

The 'other woman' fits the situation perfectly.
The madonna and child, the damsel in distress.

He offers her a shoulder to cry on.
He gets her to trust him, and she does.

Trust me, you'll just be collateral damage.

Block him, or he'll try to reel you back in. You'll only be plan B.

In this sort of situation you are dealing with a shark.

Flutter12 · 06/11/2020 20:11

He will eventually leave you.
He will do this because he knows you’d be ready to take him back any time he wants.
He’s waiting to see if you will accept him being with both of you first or to see if this other girl is not going to dump him first.

Please have some self respect and get rid of him. I promise you you will look back on it and be glad you did.
Stop being treated like a mug.

No one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself - it is harsh but true. You deserve to be happy.

motherf88 · 06/11/2020 20:11

Stop having normal conversations with him. Stop having any conversations with him! You can do so much better. Will you honestly ever trust him again? No. End it and block him. Head held high.

Pinkyandthebrainz · 06/11/2020 20:12

Because you're letting him.

Eslteacher06 · 06/11/2020 20:15

Even if he does realize he has made a mistake, that will only happen if he has no contact with you.

nancybotwinbloom · 06/11/2020 20:16

Love yourself more and get rid.

He's not that sorry is he?! I mean he's still deciding who he wants.

Like he should even have a choice! And you are entertaining the idea. Even if he does pick you, it's vile. Your not even his first choice are you. Your his choice with him knowing you will take him back after he's been fucking someone else and carrying on behind your back. Not even once, many many times.

Get fucking rid, get some self respect and make him dead to you.

He's not a catch. He's a wanker luv.

He's not sure what he wants. Don't make me laugh. He wants to carry on as he is having both of you wanting him.

Get rid and go and meet someone nice and worth your time and effort.

Anordinarymum · 06/11/2020 20:19

OP If you have a tiny modicum of self respect left - use it and give him the benefit of your boot.

I don't know how you could take him back after this. You need a good shake you really do.

RuthTopp · 06/11/2020 20:24

@RedVixen
You should change your user name to Doormat.
Yes that's harsh , but you you really think you deserve to be treated like that. He wants to shag her and have fun , and you can cook his dinner and wash his pants.
Thats a no from me.

agradecida · 06/11/2020 20:24

You do not want to spend the rest of your life with him even if he does 'choose' you. That will mean a lifetime of wondering when he'll do it again: the next time he feels lonely? When you have children and your sex life changes? If you become ill?

If he really loved you and wanted to be with you (other than not cheating in the first place like a decent human being) he'd be absolutely remorseful, begging your forgiveness and promising you he'd never speak to her again.

I'm sorry you're going through this, and believe me I've been there and made the wrong decisions. I just wish I could go back in time and shake myself and tell myself that no man who does anything like this is worth it. He's shown you who he is- he won't change. He doesn't respect you.