Boyfriend claims I'm his girlfriend now - no real talk of it?

[driventodistractionk]

(25F) (34M). So I’ve been seeing this guy for around 6/7 months. All things have been going well, we get a long really well, I know his friends etc. All signs of a serious relationship. For a few months I was unsure of what we were as he never asked me to be his girlfriend. We had the talk a few times. He had a few concerns regarding some things or lack of in common. He said he wanted to only make a decision after his exams (they have just finished). We haven’t talked about until briefly tonight. Okay, I was under that impression; we aren’t official yet. Tonight I mentioned that I wasn’t sure about us continuing to have sex without a ‘label’ as it seems casual. He said we don’t have to have sex (he’s quite traditional) and then he said ‘what? You are my girlfriend’ ‘I thought we’ve known that since we’ve been dating’. Now I’m confused. I said ‘well if you introduced me to a friend of yours, do you say I’m your girlfriend?’ And he said yes. While months ago when I met his friends, he didn’t say that but I’m confused. Advice?

TL;DR I thought this guy and I wasn’t official. We have been dating for over 6 months. Then claimed I am his girlfriend.

Maybe he panicked at the thought of not having sex. He doesn't sound that invested, sounds like you'll do until someone better comes along. Sorry op

He sounds like a teenage boy playing mind games, not a 34 year old man. Dump and find someone worth your time.

Agree with @Aquamarine1029 it’s like you’re at school!

Did you post about this before — he’s ‘traditional’, doing medical exams, you have similar ‘traditional’ ideas about bringing up children and and he wanted to wait to decide whether you were ‘official’ till after his exams? If so, I’d reread all the excellent advice you got on the other thread you posted. Which was ‘run for the hills’, from what I remember.

Is this the medical guy again? Because he sounded like an arrogant prick.

Had you waiting around for him to decide if you would be lucky enough to be deemed worthy of the girlfriend title.

Everyone told you last time that he was a selfish headfuck but by staying with him youve unfortunately taught him that his behaviour is acceptable to you.

It's not too late to change your mind and leave him. It's never too late in fact.

You're only a few months in, he's made you feel a power imbalance, he's controlled the narrative of the relationship and you've felt so anxious and insecure you've had to start threads about him to sense check your feelings.

This is not a healthy relationship, you should not be staying with him. Can you see that?

You've started seven threads about him. And you're 6/7 months in. This is such an unhealthy dynamic but I fear that for some reason you don't want to let him go however shit the relationship makes you feel about yourself.

He called you his girlfriend because he had to; You were pulling away and he wanted to reel you back in. If he WANTED you to be his girlfriend he would have asked you and wouldn't have needed to wait until after his exams. When men know, they know.

If you're the same person who has made threads about him being in medical school before please please please start taking our advice OP. You are trying to sustain yourself by living off of the crumbs of affection that he gives you. Being in medical school does not make him special or excuse poor behaviour!

Honestly I’m getting old. In my day there was non of this big asking to be girlfriend stuff. You met someone, started dating them, if you were seeing other people you made that clear, if not you just kind of became boyfriend and girlfriend after a while, certainly anyone having seems regularly were bf/gf, things were so much easier then.

Oh god, I’ve turned into my mother. Shoot me now.

Sex, anyone having sex regularly. Goddam autocorrect turned prudish on me now.

Do you have to hear you're his girlfriend verbally?

If I'd been seeing someone 6/7 months then I would assume I was, except if we'd both said it was casual and we would potentially see other people.

6/7 months is a long time to invest in someone and not know where you stand. I think you deserve better.

Link

Right, but you have called him our BF for at least 3 months.

I don't understand this. People can date for 6 months and have to have a conversation about whether to refer to each other as boyfriend or girlfriend? Doesn't the word 'girlfriend' refer to someone in exactly this kind of relationship?

@Gaoth

Did you post about this before — he’s ‘traditional’, doing medical exams, you have similar ‘traditional’ ideas about bringing up children and and he wanted to wait to decide whether you were ‘official’ till after his exams? If so, I’d reread all the excellent advice you got on the other thread you posted. Which was ‘run for the hills’, from what I remember.

I remember this too.

Are there some cultural issues going on here OP that we don't know about? On both sides? I remember one of your last threads. He sounded as if he was using you and you were clinging on.

@DianaT1969 he is of African descent but he himself is westernised. Is he slightly religious? Yes, he's Christian. Is he quite 'traditional' or so he claims, yes. Hope that clarifies.

[quote driventodistractionk]@DianaT1969 he is of African descent but he himself is westernised. Is he slightly religious? Yes, he's Christian. Is he quite 'traditional' or so he claims, yes. Hope that clarifies.[/quote]
OP if you get a chance to look through the other responses, please do. Some of us recognise the man in question from your previous threads and it's worrying you are still allowing yourself to be in a relationship where he controls the narrative and makes you feel anxious and insecure enough to make so many threads about him so early on. This relationship is so unhealthy

You've already been told, overwhelmingly, that you need to walk away from guy. You dont listen.

Why start another thread where you will be told the same thing and still ignore it. There is no point asking for advise which you have no intention of listening.

Surely once you have been on dates and are sleeping together you are by default boyfriend and girlfriend. The talk of being "official" sounds more like you aren't being "exclusive" like a teenager would say!

@driventodistractionk meant in the kindest way possible you seem to have totally lost yourself in this situation, I remember your previous threads about him questioning everything and this doesn’t seem like a healthy situation at all.

Oh god OP are you still with this loser? You post weekly.

Pls get rid and enjoy your life

Sorry to be blunt, are you having sex?

You seem in danger of him having his cake and eating it: he is keeping you in the go slow due to his “traditional” views, but also having sex with you.

Either you are important and a future prospect, or you are a casual shag. If you don’t know which you are the latter and should act accordingly.

Sex outside of marriage doesn't seem very "traditional". It seems he likes tradition when it suits him. I say walk away, it's early days and you should be enjoying it not posting on forums for advice. This is a nonstarter.

You can take a horse to water.....

What are you trying to achieve, OP?
Why are you dangling sex in front of him so that you gain the ‘gf’ designation?
What do you think it gets you????

Generally - it’s not about what you call each other but about the actual relationship. If you aren’t happy with how it is or how it progresses - it doesn’t matter what he calls you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

And btw - one can have sex in casual relationships just as well. Nothing wrong with that.

You've told us about him. What about you? How did you get to be following this arse-wipe, hoping for a few crumbs? Tell us about you. Even if you moved on from this guy, I suspect you'll find yourself in similar unhealthy relationships in future.
How full is your life? Do you have many friends and family around who are supportive? Do you have a career and a future mapped out for yourself? If not, why not?