Work spouse

[MonClareDevole]

I seem to have acquired what others might call a ‘work husband’. We spend our breaks together, sometimes alone if he’s come to my office for a chat. We have a lot in common both inside and outside of work. We have been confiding in each other more lately, about work and non-work matters but never about our marriages.

My question is, are these types relationships unhealthy? Can men and women actually just have a purely platonic relationship? At what point does it become inappropriate?

If you're starting to think of him as a 'work husband' then you're already in danger of crossing the line. Stop. That's my advice.

It's a nauseating term and it's grasped on by many who do indeed go on to be inappropriate. It's disrespectful to your spouse and to his.

Yes men and women can have platonic relationships, as colleagues or friends.

But calling each other "work husband" / "work wife" is childish and it's ridiculous. Do you shag this man and promise to stay with him for better or worse? No? Then he's not any kind of husband, work or otherwise.

He's your mate. That's fine.

And if you really can't stop thinking of him as your "work husband" you have a problem. Because comparing a platonic friendship to a marriage means stepping over boundaries.

Yes I had a work husband, we worked well together, understood each other, backed each other up, filled in each other's gaps in knowledge, but I never fancied him and he didn't seem to fancy me.

wirldsgonemad when did the word 'colleague' become redundant? The only people I know of who use the terms work husband/work wife are those who would go there if they could and relished everybody else acknowledging the 'closeness'.

Would it be acceptable for teachers to be 'school mummies'? I very much doubt it. There would be outrage from mothers up and down the land. This really is no different.

I don’t think of him as a ‘work husband’ but I have heard other people use the term to describe the relationship we have.
I favour him over other colleagues (personally, not professionally, we are in different departments of the company), so in that way we do have a unique friendship. I was just ultimately wondering if a line was being crossed in my interactions with him and the time we spend, sometimes alone, together.

Not to describe our friendship, rather the type of friendship we have.

I kinda had one - mostly because he was universally disliked by the rest of the team but I got on okay with him. He came to rely on me way too much - I was more of a work Mum 😂. He was made redundant under the guise of Covid cuts but actually boss couldn’t wait to get rid. I still meet him for lunch occasionally- to give him pep talks!

The line is being crossed if you’re thinking of him in any other way than a friend and colleague. You have come on here asking about it which indicates you are maybe thinking inappropriately

If others are using the term and you're not, OP, why do you not just correct them? The same people who are using that term will ultimately be gossiping about you. Is that what you want? What he wants? If not, I'd shut it down and be professional at work.

A word to the wise, it is ALWAYS the woman who comes off worst and you'll be on a hiding to nothing if/when this turns. Personally, I wouldn't let this silly term become established in your workplace, I really wouldn't.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

If others are using the term and you're not, OP, why do you not just correct them? The same people who are using that term will ultimately be gossiping about you. Is that what you want? What he wants? If not, I'd shut it down and be professional at work.

A word to the wise, it is ALWAYS the woman who comes off worst and you'll be on a hiding to nothing if/when this turns. Personally, I wouldn't let this silly term become established in your workplace, I really wouldn't.

‘Shut it down’ as in excuse myself from any situation where it’s just the two of us? And stop talking about outside of work matters?

Depends.... Do you fancy one another ?

Would you be bothered if your husband had a 'Work Wife" ? sharing information inside and outside of work thats not work related and was asking the same questions on a website forum.

Depends.... Do you fancy one another ?

Would you be bothered if your husband had a 'Work Wife" ? sharing information inside and outside of work thats not work related and was asking the same questions on a website forum.

No we do not fancy one another. But I don’t have many male friends so this is new to me. I didn’t want it to be or become inappropriate. Or for it to seem like anything ‘sinister’ to other colleagues because we are together a lot.

I think the fact that you started this thread says everything OP.
You are starting to think of him more than a friend, if you weren’t and it was totally platonic, you wouldn’t feel compelled to ask this question.

Do you feel like there is something more growing between you? E.g. Are you excited to see him?

I had a work best friend who was Male and 20 years my senior. It was never inappropriate but i would never have described him as a work husband either. We went for lunch together every day for over 10 years and spoke about anything and everything but we didn't flirt etc yuck. So yeah its possible.

Yeah, I’m worried, that’s why I asked. I know I definitely do not fancy him, but yes I do look forward to see him and enjoy his company. I can’t seem to compare it to the way I feel about my other colleagues, I know it’s different. Which is wrong. Which is why I’m worried.
I would never act inappropriately. I’m keen to dial the friendship back though I think. But I can’t just go cold, it’ll look odd.

Additionally, we do not flirt with one another either.

I think the fact that you started this thread says everything OP.
You are starting to think of him more than a friend, if you weren’t and it was totally platonic, you wouldn’t feel compelled to ask this question.

Do you feel like there is something more growing between you? E.g. Are you excited to see him?

I think the fact that you started this thread says everything OP.
You are starting to think of him more than a friend, if you weren’t and it was totally platonic, you wouldn’t feel compelled to ask this question.

Do you feel like there is something more growing between you? E.g. Are you excited to see him?

Sorry for my repeated posts.

Yeah this is how it starts. I’ve been there.
I think you’re right to recognise it now and pull back if you feel something happening even if there’s no flirting or obvious attraction

If someone else has termed the phrase Work husband at you then yes other people have noticed and you obviously feel guilty enough to ask for advice.

You sound as though you have a concience , you know what to do.

MonClareDevole, No, I mean when somebody refers to him as your 'work husband' you say, "Don't be ridiculous, we're colleagues". There's nothing else you need to say but if you don't, then on some level, the term must please you. If you're married then put a stop to it.

If you are both single though and you enjoy having your friendship/professional relationship reduced to this then crack on.

I had a work best friend who was Male and 20 years my senior. It was never inappropriate but i would never have described him as a work husband either. We went for lunch together every day for over 10 years and spoke about anything and everything but we didn't flirt etc yuck. So yeah its possible.

I had a work best friend who was Male and 20 years my senior. It was never inappropriate but i would never have described him as a work husband either. We went for lunch together every day for over 10 years and spoke about anything and everything but we didn't flirt etc yuck. So yeah its possible.