New BF staying over...how to handle with DD

[PIPERHELLO]

Hi all - having had a pretty lonely few years since separating from my XH 7 years ago, I have recently met a lovely guy. I am extremely cautious, for obvious reasons, but we have a few mutual contacts and I trust him. It feels good and I think it may go somewhere. We have discussed him staying over at mine for the first time this week, which I would dearly love to do. But I am so scared of my DD (7) seeing me as a 'slag-mom'...and so worried about what I say to her if she sees him in the morning...they have not met before. Maybe they should meet in a park or something first...but then again I don't want to make too big a deal out of it.
I massively miss - and have been very down recently - about having someone to share intimacy with - it's not about sex as much as having another human being to hold me and to hold. Especially at the moment; which I am finding tough with the prospect of lockdown2.
Please be constructive - I am a respectable woman, and do not have a stream of guys in and out of the house. He is the first one in years. Thanks.

Tbh I don’t think the first time a child meets their mums boyfriend should be the morning after they’ve come round to bang their mum.

Shouldn't you be socially distancing from him at the moment anyway as you're not in a long term relationship? From Thursday unless you're bubbling with him, you'll only be able to see him on your own outside.

I don't think it makes a difference if he's not one of many, not that there is anything wrong with having sex with whoever you want to! But the chance that they might meet for the first time the morning after the night before is not good.

this with bells on. Mortifying and confusing for your poor daughter

Tbh I don’t think the first time a child meets their mums boyfriend should be the morning after they’ve come round to bang their mum

Agreed. Grim.

How long have you been seeing him for? Is it appropriate for DD to be involved so early on?

What happens if she wakes up in the night?

You can’t be serious... Really? Your DD hasn’t even met him yet. And we’re about to go into lockdown. So you’ve got two days, if you’re in a tier one area anyway.

Don't do this. If it's that good it can wait until things have settled down. It will be totally confusing and weird for your DD.

You are not unreasonable at all to want this at all but there are some gaps. Have you told your dd about him?

I do think they should meet first. Not in the morning - to her that's a stranger in the house when she wakes up, not good.

If he's a single household I would suggest you bubble with him so maybe have them meet once or twice before and go from there. Good luck, it's not wrong to want a companion especially now x

should he be coming/going.....lockdown remember?

Speaking as someone who has been the 7 year old DD you MUST introduce them first, preferably she'll have met him many times in public and at home before he stays over, no matter how long that takes.

Otherwise wait until she's not there (does her Dad share custody?). Please OP do not spring a strange man on her in her own home. What if she woke up in the night and came to you to find a stranger in your bed? Awful

Sorry regardless of lockdown or anything else it’s way too early to be introducing someone new into your DD’s life. I’m a single parent and I really do get the loneliness but she’s got to come first.

When mingling is allowed again, why not get a babysitter or have DD go on a sleepover at a friend's and you go to your boyfriends place? Bonus: you can have noisier sex and won't have to worry about DD.

You need to put youre child first it sounds like you haven't been seeing this man long.

@Bettereveryday1 that's not nice at all or called for. Why say that.

Bloody disgusting PP. She's thinking of her daughter first by asking advice rather than her bloke. That's just a horrible comment.

Tbh I don’t think the first time a child meets their mums boyfriend should be the morning after they’ve come round to bang their mum

My thoughts exactly. Come ON OP you can't really think this is a good idea?! How long have you been seeing him? If it's been a while introduce them slowly, built it up over time and only when she's happy with the situation and has met him quite a few times would I even consider having him stay. She's never had a man in the house - it's going to be weird for her regardless - never mind some random stranger landing out of nowhere for breakfast.

Slow it all down.

I too was single for 7 years before I met my DP. I was seeing him for about 7 months before I introduced him to my children and me to his. There is no way in earth I would have let him stay over/or me stay at his before we met the kids. We didn’t actually stay overnight at each other’s houses for probably about a year after we met and by that time the kids had met each other too.

I was with you until you wrote "slag-mom"

What the fuck does that mean ?

My mum used to have her bfs over and they left before we woke up

You say this is all recent, how recent? Its clearly a very bad idea. I wonder as you come off quite needy is that clouding your judgment? Are you rushing this because you are lonely? Your child deserves better than that and you know it.

How does he feel about staying over with your child in the house?