To think my body is putting men off?

[soradnod]

I have been on a few first dates recently (OD). Would describe myself as reasonably attractive, can scrub up pretty well and can look pretty good in photos. Have decent hair and face.

before each date, we had video calls where I did full face of make up (so same as I would on a date) and was in flattering pose i.e. chin down, kind of lying on sofa so whilst was comfy / made me look better I guess. No filters obviously and in brightly lit room on facetime or zoom.

Pre both dates, we had long chats by video call (eg 2 hours), exchanged messages so got an idea of personality and looks, voice etc. Both complimented me on the fact I was fun and enthusiastic, and both said I was really chatty, so dont think its something I am saying? We end up having really long chats, it just seems like the attraction fades for them when they see me in person

Ultimate issue is that first one went to two dates and faded, second one, could just tell he wasn't as keen on the date as he was on video call, but annoying made all the rights noises and insinuating us seeing other again etc. Just no flirtation. Any perceived attraction had just faded, you could tell.

Appreciate its a two way thing re attraction, I dont want to be conning people but equally want to look my best. Honestly, I guess it must be my body / style / way I carry myself? If video calls are all going well and they are keen and then put off by me in real life?

I am a size 8-12 but very petite and could definitely do with toning up a fair bit. Should probs invest in some more flattering clothes too

I am not looking to hold a pity party btw just be compleltely subjective and work out what the issue is.

They’re just not for you. Or your perfume is overbearing On to the next!

Haha yes also true - but am trying to be objective! :)

It doesn’t sound like it’s your body? What kind of clothes were you wearing?

A sample size of two is too small to decide from. Keep going. You’ll find the most amazing person very soon.

No i'm sure it isn't that don't worry. Honestly, I think most men aren't too bothered if a woman is incredibly toned or not.
Sorry to hear that's happened, probably just bad timing and not the right people, hope you meet somebody nice soon :)

From your post I would think perhaps you are concerned as your photos etc are not a true representation of what you look like? Instead of using the 'right angles' etc use real photos of yourself and you will likely feel less nervous about them meeting you and not being happy with what they see..

But it really could be anything OP! What one person finds attractive another may not. It may not even be about looks, they may just feel like you didn't click or you have different aspirations.

Try not to feel insecure about your size, whatever size you are the right person will love you for you!

In person chemistry is different to chatting online or on video chat.
Honestly, it's more likely to be one of those unquantifiable missing chemistry things than it is your body.

Hopefully you'll meet someone you click with soon.

Well 'kind of lying on sofa' is how one might describe how Jabba the Hutt presents himself.
Could that be the issue?

It’s probably nothing to do with you or your appearance at all, just not the right chemistry.

I had a date recently with a lovely guy. The chat had been good, I liked his pics, we’d video called but when we met in person I just didn’t fancy him. No idea why - on paper I should! We had loads in common and he’s very attractive but I just didn’t.

I call it The Elusive Spark. If it ain’t there, it ain’t there.

Maybe you smell? but seriously I don’t think it’s your body, it sounds like the normal dating process tbh

If you are not obese and don’t wear really odd clothes, it’s probably not your body. I’d be more worried about body odour, bad breath, whether I’d said something offensive or controversial!?

This isn't a mystery I don't think - real life chemistry isn't the same as online. Not everyone is going to be into you. With online dating it really is about kissing a lot of frogs, unfortunately unless you hit lucky early on.

How on earth will it be your body if you're a size 8 to 12?!

Chemistry is chemistry. You can't quantify it. I'm currently in the world of OLD. have met two guys who are keen enough- I just wasn't feeling it. Nothing wrong with them. In fact, one guy was incredible. I just didn't feel the spark

What size is an 8-12, can someone help? Like a 14-18?

Being completely honest, are you overweight? You describe yourself as petite and size 8-12 which is a bit ambiguous-if you’re very short and a size 12 then you are potentially quite overweight. There’s nothing wrong with that by the way, but if that is the case and you’re not showing anything below the shoulder level in video calls etc it may not be what people are expecting. I’m not trying to be rude, I’m just wondering from how you’ve worded your post if that’s the case. And even if you are overweight then that’s not going to stop lots of people from finding you very attractive but if it is the case I do think it’s worth making sure you don’t go to great lengths to conceal it on a video call as ultimately there’s less likelihood of your time being wasted if you both have a clear idea as possible of who you’re meeting. Good luck!

And sorry if this comes across rudely, it isn’t meant to at all-it just seems a possible scenario from what you’ve said.

You describe yourself as petite and size 8-12 which is a bit ambiguous-if you’re very short and a size 12 then you are potentially quite overweight.

Oh fuck off 😂

OP - I don’t think it’s your weight, some people just don’t click in real life unfortunately.

Oh fuck off 😂

They're not wrong though.

Clothes sizes vary between stores and people of different heights and builds will carry weight differently.

The PP is being fair saying that if only shoulders upwards is shown, specific posture, face angles etc are planned for video chats then there might be different impressions given and someone could easily fill in the gaps one way and find in reality the OP is different to how they imagined.

That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the OP though, just that meeting in the flesh they don't have chemistry and looks might be part of that.

I've met some objectively good looking men, but they've not been my type or we've not had chemistry.

It's the problem with meeting online / zoom I think. Sometimes when you meet someone in RL the spark that you thought was there isn't. It's one of the reasons to go on lots of dates and try to have as much fun as possible.

No way would a spend 2 hours speaking to someone on video call when I haven't even met them.

Also,the lying down pose may suggest you are only looking for a bit of fun. And then when they meet you and realise you aren't...they lose interest.

It won't be that.

I internet dated back in 19-oatcake when it all began, there was still a stigma attached to online dating, and Match.com was the only thing out there. I went on loads of dates - the good, the bad, the sobbing into his pint about his ex girlfriend, the man who watched pigs for a living and smelled of them, etc... First thing is that you NEVER know what is going on with people. There are a lot of damaged people on dating sites, who haven't got over someone else, aren't ready for a relationship, etc... You never stand a hope of it working with those people anyway because their heart isn't in it from the outset. Most times though it's a chemistry in real life thing, which even with Zoom, etc.. you can't replicate. But for future dates I'd bin the full face of make-up and let them see me as I am. That way there's no illusion created. But lack of spark in real life would be what I'd guess was most likely the issue.

... for future dates, I mean the Zoom part of it. I'd glam up for the RL date I think.

It mghtn't/probably isn't even your body, as you are so petite. Did you used to have issues wiith food? (Just asking as you are so quick to think it might be your figure. I've been there so I know what it's like.)

Everyone tries to look their best in pics/videos, and I expect you don't actually look unrecognizably different in a video.

If they really are that shallow/picky or you've not been someone's personal cup of tea then they can fuck off anyway.

How can you be a size 8-12