When your waste of space ex doesn't pay maintenance

[Pebbledashery]

How do you deal with getting through the whole month until next pay day supporting a house, all the bills, food shopping, and providing 100% financial support for a child???
My ex, wannabe Disney dad....Point blank refuses to pay a single penny of child maintenance towards our child because he's not allowed to see her. I logged into my account on CMS yesterday and he's £4k in arrears.. Ex is a higher earner and earns in excess of £75k from his day job.. The line of work he's in he also earns a lot on the side doing private work.
I mean, how do you cope financially? I will never learn to rely on this money once it starts being paid. He would rather be forced to pay then put himself through the pain of having to pay it into my bank account...that money is for her and only her and he can't bring himself to do it.

My ex is similar. Eventually the cms took it direct from his bank account
Can you ask them if they could do that for you

As for how you manage well I just assume it’s not coming and manage on the rest
It’s a terrible system that allows men ( and some women too I guess) to duck their responsibility - needs an overhaul

@Heatherjayne1972 yes I spoke to someone at CMS they're switching it to collect and pay but the latest completion date is the 30th December. He said whilst they do that though they get arrangements in place for deduction of earnings too. But I probably won't see a penny till next year.
It's shocking isn't it.

Yes. It’s appalling My ex does a lot of cash in hand work so he doesn’t put in his account or pay tax on it
Frustrating

yep, mine worked cash in hand to avoid paying maintenance too. I had the added bonus of having to spend £10k taking him to court in order that I could move the DCs abroad for a better lifestyle and higher earning potential.

Mine pays but it’s £7 a week for 4 children , you just have to learn to live without it tbh.

Why isn't he allowed to see her?

@Givemeabreak88 yup same here!!! It sucks. But he is. Deadbeat and the kids know it and want nothing to do with him!

@frankola because he's violent and abusive and abused me and abused our daughter physically and mentally :( everything awful you can think of in a person is him! we've fled and he doesn't know where we are.
After he received the application for CMS funnily enough I received his Court application!! ... with a request for an URGENT HEARING.. but it got ignored. He's filed an application to the Court because he doesn't want to pay £600 plus to not see his daughter, seeing her is just an accessory.

@Givemeabreak88 @luanmapo the princely sum of £7 a week. That's pretty diabolical. I don't know what's more insulting, nothing or £7 a week.

Ex also does a lot of cash in hand work on top of his work.. I know he earns upwards of 4k a month.. I don't even want his money, but that money is for our daughter. Simple as.
He cannot even put feelings of animosity aside to provide for her.
I have a feeling he will go self-employed also so he can cheat the tax man. They all do it. It's so transparent.

@luanmapo how old are your kids? x

My ex and his wife have arranged their finances in such a way that he doesn't have to pay anything
I manage with out with careful budgeting.

@Pebbledashery @Givemeabreak88
Yup and it took the CMS 12yrs to get that. It’s only because he started claiming benefits due to Covid that they could trace what factual income he has! Otherwise it would be a big fat zero, because that’s all he declares to HMRC and they apparently don’t have the resources to investigate otherwise!!
Meanwhile he has another wife and another child, clearly she Is more than OK for him to evade proper maintenance, so lung as it doesn’t affect her!
But like you say, it’s for the children, not me. I would provide for them all they will ever need in life. Shame he thinks otherwise.
I too suffered domestic abuse, physical and mental aswell as financial. I’m just happy to have moved on in my life after many many years. But I’m still bitter regarding the finances for my children.
Some men are utter loses and I hope it comes back to bite them in the backside later on in life.

@Pebbledashery my children are now 17, 15 & 14.

@luanmapo did you have to go through Court to get an order or has he just willingly deleted himself out of your children's life?
Honestly - our children are better off without these scumbags, they will grow up just fine with us?
@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander does he have a dodgy accountant?
What dumbfounds me is that you would actually expect them to WANT to provide for their children.. but their quite happy to be wannabe Disney dads without putting any hard graft in.

@Luanmapo my daughter has only turned 2 :( so she's going to have a Court decide what's in her best interest. Hopefully not seeing him!!

Some of these men are true scum. Unfortunately although I have found CMS pleasant to deal with, there are too many legitimate loopholes. Mine is loading his already fat pension to reduce payments,and when (soon) he is no longer obliged to pay as dc will be too old, he can get 25% of his pension out tax free. Doesn’t seem fair to me.

The Disney Dads just want to post about how great they are, they have no morals about actual support, financial or anything else

@sally2791 absolutely true scum. They'll do everything they can to avoid paying.. They'd rather their children not be provided for than put themselves through the anguish of sending us any money.

@sally2791 if you go on separated dads that's what most of them are. Men like this give real and genuine dads such a bad name

My ex has not so much cooked a meal for his daughter or read a book to her or comforted her in the night yet he's claiming Disney dad status.

No they've just arranged it so he gets benefits for her children that then can't be touched by the CMS. When he was paying maintenance and found out he could reduce the rate because he moved in with her and her dc he phoned me up and laughed about it

You need to ask for a deduction of earnings on him, rather than collect and pay. This is where CMS take it straight from his wages. He can cancel the direct debit for collect and pay. I speak from experience...

@paintedpanda I was told it needs to go to collect and pay first and then if he misses that they'll enforce deduction of earnings.