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Original poster

Lesser endowed and ed stuff

97 replies

famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 17:08

Copied from Sex topic as More traffic:

Probably don't need to post here as probably made Up my mind but sharing anyway.
Started seeing a new guy, lots of fun and laughter, great build up to sex and lots in common.
Sex: discovered that he has a much smaller penis than I have ever dealt with. And also trouble staying hard. I put the lack of erection down to nerves and the few times we've tried he's mentioned his age (not old) and some trumped up mumbling about lack of testosterone.
I feel like an absolute cunt for being disappointed in his penis size but I think if he could maintain an erection we could probably make the sex work as the few (brief) occasions he's been hard in me it's felt good.

He's also made it very clear that he can complete when sorting himself out away from me and 'was' into porn but since meeting me is 'not wanking when away from me anymore.'
Also he wanted to get into quite full on stuff early on, all stuff I enjoy but I'd prefer to build up to it than do it all on the first night.

Annoying as we'd got really close as friends prior to this and were really enjoying where it was going, the sexual tension has been immense.

I had expressed concerns that we got on so well, what If we're not compatible in bed and he said he had worried about it too.
I don't think I can take another guy who can't finish when he's with me. My exh was a porn addict And I ended up quite damaged by never being able to turn him on.
I am probably just offloading here but grateful to discuss. Very hard (lol) to discuss with friends as don't want to be slating his size and performance and risk it getting back to him

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 26/10/2020 17:19

You don't need a reason to finish this relationship
You do have a reason to put yourself first for a change
Disappointing sex leading to self esteem issues for you is not
What you signed up for

Just tell him your not in to the having a relationship anymore and wish him well
No need to mention his performance, he already knows.
Your not there to be his therapy sessions

You deserve to get a good seeing to without feeling guilty

TikTakTikTak · 26/10/2020 17:24

He's also made it very clear that he can complete when sorting himself out away from me and 'was' into porn but since meeting me is 'not wanking when away from me anymore.'

I wonder how long that'll last, if he is ever able to get hard. He obviously likes you, but I would run. It should be great fun, not like this.

Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 17:32

Yup. Agreed. Thanks both. I think I am easily distracted by someone who makes me laugh and is super intelligent but I am still recovering from being unwanted in a marriage and in the way I allowed guys to treat me afterwards in order to feel desired again
Time for a tricky chat , he's not inexperienced and is very gifted in some areas, eg head, the speciality of the lesser endowed man but it's not enough for me and not consistent, I don't want it to be a onlne way street .
unless he's suddenly become very stupid he knows I've gone right off the boil

OP posts:
Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 17:34

I should also add he's been single for a LONG time so wonder if has got into very specific habits combined with size/performance nerves...

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 26/10/2020 17:37

Another porn casualty. So common now.

ElspethFlashman · 26/10/2020 17:41

God no. Waste of time. And not because of his size because as you said, that part felt good.

But hes clearly a porn addict who can only get hard on the rough stuff. Who can be arsed with a bloke like that?

Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 17:47

@TwentyViginti

Another porn casualty. So common now.
Was talking about this to my friends last night, more generally about men and dating and there were three of us single and one long-term marries. Us singles all agreed that we feel like we're in competition with a billion women and websites and scenarios and we'll never be as exciting as the next click. The married woman was mortified and said she had no idea that the sexual arena had become so dark thoroughly depressing in terms of bringing up kids but also joyous in terms of my clicking on early on that this is going to be one depressing journey if I carry on
OP posts:
gamerchick · 26/10/2020 17:47

I couldn't be bothered with someone who had issues in the bedroom due to porn. It's too much to unpick. Size doesn't come into it imo.

Just cut you losses. Life is short.

Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 17:48

@ElspethFlashman

God no. Waste of time. And not because of his size because as you said, that part felt good.

But hes clearly a porn addict who can only get hard on the rough stuff. Who can be arsed with a bloke like that?

I genuinely enjoy some of the extremes but in the context of building up to things, trial and error and a safe intimate trusting relationship, not BOOM! Day one you're a hardcore pornstar and your lover is already suggesting bringing on extra players
OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2020 17:52

Stop wasting your time. This problem will never get better.

tinyvulture · 26/10/2020 17:55

Viagra could help?

That said, a new sexual relationship should be exciting and joyous, and it sounds like this one isn’t working for you, so I suggest you move on. There will be plenty of other men out there you will be more compatible with......

TwentyViginti · 26/10/2020 17:59

Day one you're a hardcore pornstar and your lover is already suggesting bringing on extra players

He needs to play with himself and not inflict his sad self on women.

Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 18:02

Yeah I did consider Viagra but that would mean comitting to a medication/sex trial periods, raising of hopes etc and as someone said upthread, a porn addiction means a whole lot of unpicking which I have already attempted before with someone else and it was dire.

OP posts:
Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 18:20

@TwentyViginti

Day one you're a hardcore pornstar and your lover is already suggesting bringing on extra players

He needs to play with himself and not inflict his sad self on women.

I guess that's what he's been doing up until now. Ugh. breaking my drought for this is tragic Grin
OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 26/10/2020 18:37

Onwards and upwards OP Grin

Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 18:42

@TwentyViginti

Onwards and upwards OP Grin
Lol at upwards. If only Grin
OP posts:
crimsonlake · 26/10/2020 18:51

Clearly watching too much porn and sadly wanting to re - enact it immediately within a new relationship. Not good.

Original poster
famousforwrongreason · 26/10/2020 18:56

@crimsonlake

Clearly watching too much porn and sadly wanting to re - enact it immediately within a new relationship. Not good.
It's really sad because up until we were in bed he didn't present like this AT ALL! not one sign of being anything other than straightforward. There was some sexy flirting but very much in the arena of exciting, sexy and fun, nothing unsavoury at all. It was a disappointment once I'd kind of taken a step back
OP posts:
billy1966 · 26/10/2020 19:33

Not worth your time OP.

It all speaks to him being very emotionally immature and having a warped view of women.

GP friend of mine with son's a similar age, is seeing more and more men in their late 20' presenting with ED problems through watching porn.

The implications are really huge for these men.

Alongwayfromeverything · 26/10/2020 19:35

Can’t believe the terrible and judgemental advice on here.

Everyone quick to blame porn - any evidence for this? Most men use porn to some extent and it doesn’t necessarily affect actual physical relationships. If he’s been single for some time it’s not surprising he’s been getting himself off somehow.

Trouble maintaining an erection can easily be due to nerves and the fact he really likes you. Give it time.

Smaller size - it can depend on what you do with it and also there’s more to sex than PIV.

If everything else is right, give it time. Confidence (and or some medication) might help. Cialis is better than viagra btw.

TwentyViginti · 26/10/2020 19:39

GP friend of mine with son's a similar age, is seeing more and more men in their late 20' presenting with ED problems through watching porn.

Sadly, this doesnt surprise me. Also an upsurge with young women with anal injuries.

TwentyViginti · 26/10/2020 19:43

Alongwayfromeverything OP states

Also he wanted to get into quite full on stuff early on, all stuff I enjoy but I'd prefer to build up to it than do it all on the first night.

Not so nervous then.

Arnoldthecat · 26/10/2020 19:56

No,,end it ..

CausingChaos2 · 26/10/2020 19:57

I don't think I can take another guy who can't finish when he's with me. My exh was a porn addict And I ended up quite damaged by never being able to turn him on.

You’re not his saviour and you don’t need to help fix him. I’d end it and move on.

nosswith · 26/10/2020 19:58

End it now. Save yourself further heartache.